Our next guest episode reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong solely to the person making them Rap541.
Before I turn it over to Rap, to avoid confusion "Amy hay bales", "Jeremy hay bales" is the term our reviewer Rap has coined to describe the Roloff family members when they give their confessional to the camera in the barn-like setting. If you look over their shoulders, there are bales of hay. Thus, Rap's clever term. This week we have pictures to illustrate :)
Written by Rap541
So Matt and Amy debate whether the table is too high. They seem to be playfully bickering at first and then it gets all ugly. Wow… this turned ugly fast. I mean, wow, really fast.
Clouds! The Farm! Matt in his office telling us how he’s heading off to Hawaii on a free ticket with no family for five days. I’m already sensing a disturbance in the Force on that one. Amy meanwhile roots about in the barn or the man barn, looking for a tent. She walks in from the rain, spies Matt in his office. She hay bales how its Mother’s Day and the twin’s birthday and Matt has decided to go to Hawaii with friends. Yup, I see why she is ticked off. Frankly I was trying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt on this one, that maybe this was a work thing but no. He’s bailing on his family for a vacation, over Mother’s Day and the twin’s birthday. Real nice. In the office Amy tells Matt that she is taking the kids camping. Matt hay bales how it was the wrong time but he needs to take care of himself. In the office, he complains that his iphone and headphones have been stolen. Oh wait… in fact he misplaced them. Kinda makes you wonder about the tv remote in earlier episodes doesn’t it?
Amy notes she won’t beg her husband to stick around. Sweet. I can almost hear “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” play in the soundtrack.
Matt takes off and basically justifies taking off as giving his family a vacation. Yeesh, try again there, Matt. You’re going to Hawaii and your family is eating burnt hot dogs by the road side in a van down by the river! Oh wait… is that a spoiler?
So the kids play with toy air soft guns. Because really, they don’t have enough toys that are dangerous, and god knows the Roloff kids have the self control to handle fire arms responsibly. Zach wigs out and goes running to shoot Jake (I think he was shot in the back by Jake). Zach shoots Jake in the face. Zach justifies it with making Jake tough. He really needs to see someone about the anger issues because really, this is starting to be a little disturbing. Jeremy walks off when it gets violent. Molly notes how dumb the entire business is. I find myself thinking how the entire issue wouldn’t come up at all if shooting each other with pellet guns was ever deemed “unacceptable” by any Roloff parents. Oh, and Zach? You’re almost nineteen here. Just because you have the height of a child, you don’t get to act like one anymore.
More gun fighting. Molly acts as the parent and hay bales how she’s the only smart one. Yeah, I can see that. She takes away the guns after it becomes obvious that Zach can’t back away or use self control. She notes that he is nineteen. I hear ya, Molly.
Amy buys herself flowers for Mother’s Day and notes how Matt went to Hawaii. This is a shockingly different birthday, for the twins. My goodness, Jeremy must have cried when he found out Mueller couldn’t come. Amy is annoyed with Zach over the shooting. I am shocked she didn’t take Zach’s side on that one. Finally they have a cake. Jeremy comments how wax is edible. Its good you’re reasonably attractive, sweetie. It is very much noted how this is not a big celebration.
Amy gets the kids out of bed to buy camping supplies. They shop and buy new stuff. The store clerk is off put by hearing how Dad is away. Molly notes the secret plan to bring flowers and chocolate for mom. Amy notes how disorganized they are. They seem to do ok for now.
Lots of Oregon scenery. Hood River. There’s wind sports but they can’t find the camp ground. There’s no fires in the camp ground, yeesh, that’s pretty lame. Amy seems to handle that well, and takes the family someplace different. Now they seem lost! Ohnoes!
Hee! They are camping in a van down by the river! There’s burnt hot dogs. It seems like fun. Amy hay bales about planning activities… wow did they just pull off by the side of the road? Now they kiteboard but it is an exercise in failure…. Matt calls and Zach goes on a rant about how mom and dad don’t communicate.
Now they kayak. Amy seems super worried it won’t be fun. Jeremy goes on about how relaxing camping is. Good for him. The kayaking looks fun… not exactly whitewater but frankly I’m not that adventurous either.
So now Zach notes “Dad skipped out on Mother’s day”. Ah, mommy’s little man. Amy goes on and on about how she likes simplicity. In fairness, this seems to be a very fun little trip and the flowers and chocolates were cute and fun. Molly notes how important it was to make mom feel loved. Amy notes that she is used to being away from Matt. How um… family friendly. But the camping trip did seem like nice family time. Pity Matt had that important need to have a vacation in Hawaii, huh?
Now the kids speak Spanish as they play soccer and its like I am watching my neighbors. Molly seems to speak well. Jake seems ok at it as well, while Zach seems impressed but also annoyed at Molly’s Spanish.
Oh we’re at Faith. More Spanish. Molly hay bales how school isn’t that hard. She gets As.
Amy is heading to Beaverton! Woo! Molly has fussy demands for poster board. Amy notes how smart she is. Amy seems shocked and pleased by how studious she is. Molly notes her magical method of getting As. She studies and does her homework right away and she prefers getting As. Zach notes how he can’t do that. There are SO MANY COMPUTERS in that house. I mean, there’s a laptop everywhere there’s a flat surface.
Zach and Jeremy’s room is a pigsty. I mean completely trashed. Molly talks in Spanish to him and gets annoyed at how he doesn’t apply himself. Zach notes how he has senioritis. Sign language? Wouldn’t be my first pick as a second language but….
Molly cooks food for Zach. Somehow it comes up that Molly has a B in Math. No, a B+. Zach says things and Molly wants to mention his grades. They seem to be discussing midterms. Zach thinks she’s entering the Roloff Zone of Failure.
Molly speaks Spanish to Matt. Matt is sorta annoyed about her math test failure. In fairness I kinda see where the parents are coming from. On the other hand, its remarkable how *unconcerned* they are about the twins. Matt mentions college and Jeremy pointedly runs off. When asked about homework, he snits how he is a senior. I assume that was Jeremy showing his deep respect to Matt? Matt notes how concerned he is about the twins.
Amy hauls the twins to see the University of Portland. They seem to have difficulty filling out their forms and don’t remember their SAT scores. Amy tries to blame Zach’s failures on his lack of focus…. Amy, you should make him study. You’re not his buddy. Amy notes how the twins don’t have a clue how to function as adults. Amy tells Zach to make eye contact. Amy is concerned about accessibility - it’s a valid point. Zach for a change seems to not be overly concerned over his ability to reach. Amy thinks Zach is in crisis. I dunno… I think he just seems immature.
Jeremy goes on about how he and Zach are always together and he thinks that will change soon. That’s wicked deep.
Amy reads off midterm grades. Molly got a b+ and Amy makes a big deal. I sorta get the concern but I also see where Molly is getting put under a lot of pressure while no one is riding Zach for the D’s or Jeremy for the C’s.
Again, midterms. Midterms *after* Mother’s Day. Try harder, TLC.
Back at Faith, Zach has no school work and leaves his bag. He notes how he might not graduate. There seems to be a pretest cram session. They’re… “character matching” in an English Lit class? Gotta be honest, the more I hear about Faith Bibthe more I wonder just what the educational standard is there.
Wow, Jeremy looks diff in the hay bale. He notes how he thinks Zach is becoming bipolar. I would have more sympathy for Zach if he ever studied.
Molly studies. Zach plays with his phone. Zach watches soccer in the pigsty bedroom. Amy… knowing he is failing, lets him stay home from school and watch tv. Jeez my mom at least demanded I pretend an illness. This is why he is failing.
Molly is worried about her GPA. Is this an oral math test?
Wow, two episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8 left? Hard to believe our long national nightmare is almost over!
Amy has more grades. She seems weirded out by the notion of getting her kids grades. She is pleased Molly got her grade back up to an A. Good for Molly. Amy notes that Molly is more focused than the twins. Amy is quick to blame it on Zach having an LP crisis. I can see it… but I think it’s less about being LP and more about having to grow up.