Monday, November 16, 2009

Guest Roloff Episode Review by Rap541: Little People, Big World November 16th

Our next guest episode reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong solely to the person making them Rap541.

Before I turn it over to Rap, to avoid confusion "Amy hay bales", "Jeremy hay bales" is the term our reviewer Rap has coined to describe the Roloff family members when they give their confessional to the camera in the barn-like setting. If you look over their shoulders, there are bales of hay. Thus, Rap's clever term. This week we have pictures to illustrate :)


Written by Rap541

1st Episode:

So Matt and Amy debate whether the table is too high. They seem to be playfully bickering at first and then it gets all ugly. Wow… this turned ugly fast. I mean, wow, really fast.

Clouds! The Farm! Matt in his office telling us how he’s heading off to Hawaii on a free ticket with no family for five days. I’m already sensing a disturbance in the Force on that one. Amy meanwhile roots about in the barn or the man barn, looking for a tent. She walks in from the rain, spies Matt in his office. She hay bales how its Mother’s Day and the twin’s birthday and Matt has decided to go to Hawaii with friends. Yup, I see why she is ticked off. Frankly I was trying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt on this one, that maybe this was a work thing but no. He’s bailing on his family for a vacation, over Mother’s Day and the twin’s birthday. Real nice. In the office Amy tells Matt that she is taking the kids camping. Matt hay bales how it was the wrong time but he needs to take care of himself. In the office, he complains that his iphone and headphones have been stolen. Oh wait… in fact he misplaced them. Kinda makes you wonder about the tv remote in earlier episodes doesn’t it?

Amy notes she won’t beg her husband to stick around. Sweet. I can almost hear “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” play in the soundtrack.

Matt takes off and basically justifies taking off as giving his family a vacation. Yeesh, try again there, Matt. You’re going to Hawaii and your family is eating burnt hot dogs by the road side in a van down by the river! Oh wait… is that a spoiler?

So the kids play with toy air soft guns. Because really, they don’t have enough toys that are dangerous, and god knows the Roloff kids have the self control to handle fire arms responsibly. Zach wigs out and goes running to shoot Jake (I think he was shot in the back by Jake). Zach shoots Jake in the face. Zach justifies it with making Jake tough. He really needs to see someone about the anger issues because really, this is starting to be a little disturbing. Jeremy walks off when it gets violent. Molly notes how dumb the entire business is. I find myself thinking how the entire issue wouldn’t come up at all if shooting each other with pellet guns was ever deemed “unacceptable” by any Roloff parents. Oh, and Zach? You’re almost nineteen here. Just because you have the height of a child, you don’t get to act like one anymore.

More gun fighting. Molly acts as the parent and hay bales how she’s the only smart one. Yeah, I can see that. She takes away the guns after it becomes obvious that Zach can’t back away or use self control. She notes that he is nineteen. I hear ya, Molly.

Amy buys herself flowers for Mother’s Day and notes how Matt went to Hawaii. This is a shockingly different birthday, for the twins. My goodness, Jeremy must have cried when he found out Mueller couldn’t come. Amy is annoyed with Zach over the shooting. I am shocked she didn’t take Zach’s side on that one. Finally they have a cake. Jeremy comments how wax is edible. Its good you’re reasonably attractive, sweetie. It is very much noted how this is not a big celebration.

Amy gets the kids out of bed to buy camping supplies. They shop and buy new stuff. The store clerk is off put by hearing how Dad is away. Molly notes the secret plan to bring flowers and chocolate for mom. Amy notes how disorganized they are. They seem to do ok for now.

Lots of Oregon scenery. Hood River. There’s wind sports but they can’t find the camp ground. There’s no fires in the camp ground, yeesh, that’s pretty lame. Amy seems to handle that well, and takes the family someplace different. Now they seem lost! Ohnoes!

Hee! They are camping in a van down by the river! There’s burnt hot dogs. It seems like fun. Amy hay bales about planning activities… wow did they just pull off by the side of the road? Now they kiteboard but it is an exercise in failure…. Matt calls and Zach goes on a rant about how mom and dad don’t communicate.

Now they kayak. Amy seems super worried it won’t be fun. Jeremy goes on about how relaxing camping is. Good for him. The kayaking looks fun… not exactly whitewater but frankly I’m not that adventurous either.

So now Zach notes “Dad skipped out on Mother’s day”. Ah, mommy’s little man. Amy goes on and on about how she likes simplicity. In fairness, this seems to be a very fun little trip and the flowers and chocolates were cute and fun. Molly notes how important it was to make mom feel loved. Amy notes that she is used to being away from Matt. How um… family friendly. But the camping trip did seem like nice family time. Pity Matt had that important need to have a vacation in Hawaii, huh?


Second episode

Now the kids speak Spanish as they play soccer and its like I am watching my neighbors. Molly seems to speak well. Jake seems ok at it as well, while Zach seems impressed but also annoyed at Molly’s Spanish.

Oh we’re at Faith. More Spanish. Molly hay bales how school isn’t that hard. She gets As.

Amy is heading to Beaverton! Woo! Molly has fussy demands for poster board. Amy notes how smart she is. Amy seems shocked and pleased by how studious she is. Molly notes her magical method of getting As. She studies and does her homework right away and she prefers getting As. Zach notes how he can’t do that. There are SO MANY COMPUTERS in that house. I mean, there’s a laptop everywhere there’s a flat surface.

Zach and Jeremy’s room is a pigsty. I mean completely trashed. Molly talks in Spanish to him and gets annoyed at how he doesn’t apply himself. Zach notes how he has senioritis. Sign language? Wouldn’t be my first pick as a second language but….

Molly cooks food for Zach. Somehow it comes up that Molly has a B in Math. No, a B+. Zach says things and Molly wants to mention his grades. They seem to be discussing midterms. Zach thinks she’s entering the Roloff Zone of Failure.

Molly speaks Spanish to Matt. Matt is sorta annoyed about her math test failure. In fairness I kinda see where the parents are coming from. On the other hand, its remarkable how *unconcerned* they are about the twins. Matt mentions college and Jeremy pointedly runs off. When asked about homework, he snits how he is a senior. I assume that was Jeremy showing his deep respect to Matt? Matt notes how concerned he is about the twins.

Amy hauls the twins to see the University of Portland. They seem to have difficulty filling out their forms and don’t remember their SAT scores. Amy tries to blame Zach’s failures on his lack of focus…. Amy, you should make him study. You’re not his buddy. Amy notes how the twins don’t have a clue how to function as adults. Amy tells Zach to make eye contact. Amy is concerned about accessibility - it’s a valid point. Zach for a change seems to not be overly concerned over his ability to reach. Amy thinks Zach is in crisis. I dunno… I think he just seems immature.

Jeremy goes on about how he and Zach are always together and he thinks that will change soon. That’s wicked deep.

Amy reads off midterm grades. Molly got a b+ and Amy makes a big deal. I sorta get the concern but I also see where Molly is getting put under a lot of pressure while no one is riding Zach for the D’s or Jeremy for the C’s.

Again, midterms. Midterms *after* Mother’s Day. Try harder, TLC.

Back at Faith, Zach has no school work and leaves his bag. He notes how he might not graduate. There seems to be a pretest cram session. They’re… “character matching” in an English Lit class? Gotta be honest, the more I hear about Faith Bibthe more I wonder just what the educational standard is there.

Wow, Jeremy looks diff in the hay bale. He notes how he thinks Zach is becoming bipolar. I would have more sympathy for Zach if he ever studied.

Molly studies. Zach plays with his phone. Zach watches soccer in the pigsty bedroom. Amy… knowing he is failing, lets him stay home from school and watch tv. Jeez my mom at least demanded I pretend an illness. This is why he is failing.

Molly is worried about her GPA. Is this an oral math test?

Wow, two episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8 left? Hard to believe our long national nightmare is almost over!

Amy has more grades. She seems weirded out by the notion of getting her kids grades. She is pleased Molly got her grade back up to an A. Good for Molly. Amy notes that Molly is more focused than the twins. Amy is quick to blame it on Zach having an LP crisis. I can see it… but I think it’s less about being LP and more about having to grow up.


Craw said...

No Zach fan here, but Jacob started it. Like other people are saying, why didn't he pull this crap with Jer? Because he knows Jeremy would whip his ass. He wants to be the big tough brother beating up his older dwarf brother.

You shoot somebody, they're going to shoot you back. Don't want to be shot? Don't shoot them first!

Jacob did what he always does. Starts something and then cries when it comes back to him.

Brandon said...

"Jeremy comments how wax is edible. Its good you’re reasonably attractive, sweetie."

Love it, Rap! :)

Peter said...

What? Matt went away and missed celebrating the birth of Baby Jesus (Jeremy)? He must really hate Zach and Amy.

britt said...

I thought the same thing about the test. Character matching for seniors and other things they have mentioned about school work, especially Since Amy said this is suppose to be a tougher school than most others there.

Zach and Jacob again. Jacob may do immature things but Jacob is a kid whether he wants to be or not. Zach is 19. You can play with your younger brother but there comes a time when you have to know when to stop.

Anonymous said...

I think Matt should be ashamed of himself.

David said...

What a mess. Zach is getting the bad edit, but Jeremy isn't much better. You're right about disrespecting Matt. Was it necessary to spell out S-E-N-I-O-R as a reason why he wasn't going to do the homework his father asked him about?

The reality is those two kids have no work ethic. What are they doing with their lives? They take a couple of classes at the community college, they play and play some more. They don't even handle themselves in a respectable manner as a quasi celebrities.

Anonymous said...

Snap said...

Matt seems so disconnected from the family. I'm wondering if they have split up. There doesn't seem to be any intimate relationship between Amy and Matt- just anger. Zach seems very immature to me. As a brother- 7 yrs older- he could have said to Jacob don't shoot me at such a close range. But to shoot Jacob in the face was really irresponsible.
The school work was a joke. Sign language and trying to remember characters- in senior year. Give me a public school anyday over this private school!!

Jocelynn said...

Snap, I don't like what Zach did, but "Would you please not shoot me" is not going to accomplish much between brothers.

I believe Zach reacts as he does out of pride because he doesn't want to be shown up by his baby brother.

Having said that, shooting him in the face was very dangerous. I don't know if he intended to, he stuck the gun between the door and fired, but it was dangerous.

Rap541 said...

I was really surprised at the reason for why Matt was away. Put in context, he would have just had a vacation away from Amy at Spring Break.

I don't think "please don't do that" would have worked either.... But there's a middle ground and eventually either Zach is going to cause serious injury or Jake is. Zach needs to be sat down and dealt with on this sort of thing.

Tashapork said...

Rap, I agree with a lot of what you have said, except about Jon and Kate Plus Eight being a national nightmare. The Gosselins are not perfect, and a lot of people may not like their show, but I loved it. Liking Jon and Kate Plus Eight is what led me to start liking Little People Big World. Sorry,it may be out of place, but I just had to say that.

Anonymous said...

Stop already with the Zach excuses! The "man" is 19 yrs. old as of this episode! His bro is 12. Nuff said. Oh , and if that were MY 12 y/o son being shot in the FACE, even by a sibling...I might be discussing other avenues to explore besides shaking my head "cluck-cluck" over the older one's show of violence to a CHILD.
Zach is not able to be understood. If I had the ability to use the captioning on my TV ...which I don't right now...I would have turned that feature ON. MarbleMouth. What happened to all that orthodontia (paid for , from all reports, by Amy's parents). Zach is home from school BECAUSE he is failing ?? Um-OKAY.
Jeremy. Still dumb as a post, but if HE was going to graduate and there were Q's about ZACH doing so, well maybe he was the genius in that duo after all..? Scary thought.
The thing about Molly's scary B+ was stupid beyond belief, and once again illustrated Amy's weird parenting emphasis (Ignore ALL things twins do, come down on Molly, forget about Jacob UNLESS he is "hurting Zach").
Amy and Zach in the passsenger and driver's seats of the Prev, driving to camp at someones' PRIVATE (?) Land: take a long look People. Shades of many times to come. Zach = Amy's emotional spouse. Bad Matt - Good Zach. Let's go camping! Zach will remain at the Compound for life. There will be varying and ongoing excuses (made my Amy ), all somehow circling back to his LP status. Meanwhile, he will be upsstairs in his Man-Sty, eating Doritos with his mouth wide open and slurping Moutain Dew. The cans will pile up in the room, and eventually there will be a crossover show with "Hoarders". Amy will make excuses on Hoarders and be incensed that anyone would dare invade "her territory."
Molly will leave for college and probably not return full-time, once she learns that , in normal peoples' kitchens, used toilet plungers are NOT stored on top the kitchen counters. Eureka!
Not sure what is going on w/Jacob. I agree with another poster he almost looks evil in the eyes....the kid is good looking and even more than Jeremy, might knock-up some girl in a few years. Which would be GREAT NEWS for Amy, as that would result in yet another child to infantilize for decades to come. ANother reason for AMY TO FEEL NEEDED, which is Amy's entire Raison d'Etre! (sp)
JMO, of course.

Michelle said...

I agree Matt was acting like a selfish jerk. What kind of father and husband does that seriously?

Plus this is Matt Roloff. How many vacations does he need?? I could understand it more if the man never had a chance to go on a holiday, but they go on trips all the time.

If this was May, he was in the British Virgin Islands in March. Not even a full two months between trips.

Rap541 said...

Tash if you like Jon and Kate, you do. No skin off my nose. I simply tire of the drama surrounding "these final episodes where the family says good bye for the... very... last... time."

I mean, they make it sound like this isn't a reality show ending over a bitter divorce, but that the kids are all dying.

Jason said...

Kit, I noticed that too, Amy saying BOTH of Jer and Zach had low grades. Jeremy's response to Matt about not doing his work suggests nothing has changed with Jeremy.

I wonder about Faith Bible big time. I can't see Jeremy earning an A grade in any subject except for Gym.

Like other people are saying, why does Jake only pester Zach and not Jeremy? Whatever though, Zach (and Jacob!) is very lucky he didn't shoot him in the eye. All he did was jam the gun through the door and pulled the trigger. Another 2 inches higher and Jacob would have lost an eye.

Monica said...

I didn't understand the connection when Jeremy answered Matt's homework question by spelling out senior.

What? He doesn't need to do homework because he's a senior?

Kit said...

Monica - yeah, pretty much Jer was saying he could coast through his classes and do as little as possible. And perhaps he's right. By the time of this episode, which seems to be in spring, most seniors have established their average grade levels, and teachers are reluctant to seriously change the status quo. They expect "senioritis" the last few months, since kids have been accepted into colleges at this point.

I assume by this time Jer and Zach were well aware they would be attending PCC, which has no admission requirements per se, so I suspect they felt little or no pressure to keep working in school.

Anonymous said...

Snap said....

I read somewhere in blog world that they have split up and it will be announced at the end of this season. They have this season and one more after that left on their contract. Amy lives 6 miles away in Fairfield. Is this why the house seems cleaner this season? It would explain alot of the behavior we are seeing - thoughts??

Kit said...

Snap/Anonymous - if Amy is actually living in Fairfield, it's not 6 miles away. It's more like 45. Which seems a bit much. Unless it's just an occasional getaway...Fairfield is down near OR wine country - nice place for a few days of relaxation now and then.

Brandon said...

That was ridiculous. One person left a comment on a site below an interview that Amy did.

The comment was that ridiculous piece of garbage. It also said TLC pays Matt $14 million per season!!! Amy $4 mil, each of the kids 2 mil a piece. Does anybody think TLC is paying the Roloffs a combined $26 Million?? The show isn't that popular. lol.

Not only was it obviously a lie, it was just a bad attempt at one. Amy not live at home with her kids?? Ha. Who would wake Jeremy up for college?

Anonymous said...

I mapquested the Roloff farm to Fairfield OR-
it's 4.88 miles away near the Hillsboro airport.
Only time will tell. Let's see what the next season brings.

Accidentally Me said...

Can I just say...I love Molly...clearly the sane one!!!

That's all:-)

Kit said...

Hmmm, I have no idea where Fairfield, OR near the Hillsboro airport is, unless you're talking about the Fairfield Inn & Suites. :>

Tashapork said...

I hope to goodness that they aren't separating and announcing it at the end of season 5. I doubt it, but if it is true, I will lose every shred of respect I have for TLC. It isn't that I blame TLC for their separation, it's that I don't like them using it to stage a show especially with kids involved. I also know for sure that TLC isn't paying them like that because I know that the Gosselins aren't making anywhere near that and they have had much higher ratings. They could be possibly talking about a total for all five seasons.

Expressed said...

Tashapork, I wouldn't worry about that. That was so bad, it can't even be called a rumor. It was one person posting a lie on a site about an Amy interview where she talked about loving her family.

The person pretended to know things by posting ridiculous lies, like the amount of money they make and Amy not living with her kids....c'mon! That's not even believeable.

Tashapork said...

Maybe they thought they didn't have to study because they were Zach and Jeremy Roloff and the colleges would be begging for their presence, or that if they did too badly, they wouldn't have to go and they could stay home and be supported by Daddy Rollbucks. I admit, I am being a little sarcastic.

Anonymous said...

Do you think Amy and Matt (but especially Amy) have any idea that they have failed their kids, well, their boys anyway? I would be mortified to have sons who were so disrespectful and so without ambition and motivation. They are a sad excuse for a family. I wonder what Amy's parents think . . .

Carol said...

I think they've tried to create the best life and future they can for their kids and the income from the show is part of it.

To answer your question Anon at 2:44, I don't think Matt and Amy think they've failed their kids. I think both Matt and Amy have a belief that Jeremy is will be a successful and is an awesome person. Amy doesn't see the twins like some viewers do.

I hope the twins mature and turn out to be good people. It could be tough for them to get over being spoiled (not only by Matt and Amy, but by the show's special privileges), but I'm hoping for the best.

M said...

Can anyone please tell me what the thing during the "hay bales" (love that term. Awesome job Rap) on the table beside the lamp is??! Always wondered. Is it a phone? It looks like it has a cord lol.

Rap541 said...

I think its an old barn pully, added for atmosphere, M.

Glad someone likes "hay bales"! :)

M said...

Ha oh god to know I swear i've been staring at it for years like wtf is that??!? lol

When i first read your other recaps i was like hay bales is that a term from a part of the country I don't know?!? But its perfect really sums it up. lol