Written by Rap541
Jake and buddies run wild with balls. Mom makes him a cake and they talk about how he’s getting older. He uses the power of his flailing hair to put out the candles. Really, Zach and Jeremy get an overnight group trip to the beach, and Molly gets an overnight trip and a balloon ride at 13... And Jake gets a cake with two friends and a used cell phone. Though a quite fancy cell phone.
Jake plays with a cell phone. He worries about sounding like a girl, and Amy teases him about being a man. It’s cute.
Matt calls to Jake and hay bales about how its time to get a cell phone for Jake. Matt lectures Jake on how to use the phone and says he put a limit on Jake’s texting. No using at night, no using it before homework… this sounds good… Yeah I think this is doomed. And in retrospect what limit was set?
Matt and Jake talk about texting. Amy hay bales that she was unhappy with the idea of the cell as a gift. Matt’s used phone for Jake is pretty nice for a 12 year old. Jake’s “girlfriend” is invited over for dinner. She seems nice. Jake noticeably has shorter hair in his hay bale confessions. Taylor seems super tall and I do think its nice Taylor’s mom was there.
Ah, rule breaking. Amy says she wants the phone, and they argue over it. Amy says he won’t get it back if he refuses. This is about five minutes longer than it should be. My mom would have taken the phone immediately.
A brief aside. I hate cell phones. Before we get into the rotten discipline issues here, I see no reason Jake needs a cell. If you’re worried about emergencies, get a locked phone or a prepaid. Don’t tell your kid to not go higher than your phone bill. This is simply asinine. I mean the first reason that this would never happen in my house is because there’s no reason to give a 12 year old a cell phone.
Matt and Amy talk about being on the same page on the phone. Or rather argue over it. Basically they can’t agree what to do - Amy wants to take it away, Matt wants to restrict it. Amy notes how more involved he is. Matt wants to make a decision or two. Amy hay bales how they don’t communicate before they parent. Amy leaves.
Three hours later - Matt tells Zach how pissed off he is that Amy has left and he has no idea where she is. Matt rails from the hay bale how she should respond to his texts. He’s pretending to be ok, but he’s clearly ticked off. Amy notes that she is an adult (and I note how constant harassing texts is one reason why I hate cell phones) The kids gather round to note how worried they are. Molly and Amy argue and Amy notes she told them all where she was and is annoyed at their concern.
Matt asks questions about the thing Amy went to. Matt seems curious… then harps on how he texted her. Matt hay bales how he wants her to text him every time he texts her. He goes on and on. Amy hay bales how she sometimes thinks that he’s checking up on her or spying on her. Amy notes “leave me a message”. Jeremy plays back up to Matt.
Amy and Matt talk about Jake’s cell phone. She runs down the rules. She wants the cell phone taken away if he breaks the rules. He proceeds to break rules….His hair cut changes periodically. Everyone notices the rule breaking…. Neither parent ACTUALLY enforces the rules. Finally Amy asks for the phone. He snits back and she takes it. Good.
Meanwhile Jake plays with a phone. Molly looks for a phone. Molly cheerfully rats out Jake hee hee hee. Molly starts the Inquisition and demands the phone or more ratting out. Molly is a good mom. Amy and Molly note that he might be a lil too intense with his girlfriend. All these kids have iphones? When the divorce comes, I really hope they downsize their plans. Amy actually does a nice job of saying no on giving back the phone.
2 weeks later.
Hee hee there’s a 2700 dollar phone bill. Matt seems annoyed. Dude, I can’t believe there’s any debate over Jake having a phone. That’s a semester of college for Zach and Jeremy! Hee!
(actually the fact that Jake wasn’t grounded, had the phone taken away, and every item of reasonable value taken away until he earned 2700 dollars irritated me. Also, um Matt? Weren’t you *limiting* his texting? Why wasn’t EITHER parent watching the bill?)
Matt somehow thinks cleaning his room will stop the 2700 texting bills. Matt also would have restricted soccer. Amy just wants to take the cell phone away. I’m genuinely wondering if the end result is neither. I also find myself wondering why they don’t have unlimited texting. Because really, there’s plenty of family plans with that. And again I point out how personally I don’t think anyone who is under sixteen needs an unlimited cell phone. Even a used fancy lil phone is kind of a ridiculous gift to a 12 year old especially when no one seems to care about his usage. At least not enough to gosh, LOG IN TO HIS ACCOUNT occasionally.
Jake’s hair has been cut. Amy takes away the phone over the 8000 messages. She says he wasn’t responsible with it. I think this was staged. Amy decides giving him a cell was a bad idea. Matt seems to agree to with Amy. Personally I think its ridiculous to even consider giving a 12 year old a cell so….
More to the point - this whole 2700 dollar bill was pretty nonchalantly handled considering that really, I know people who would view that kind of money to be a godsend right now.
So Keith? And Zach and Jeremy are cooking… or rather Keith is. Jeremy basically doesn’t help and then hay bales how they can’t cook. Yay Jer!
To the fancy indoor soccer league! Zach goes on about coaching. Todd? Gives Zach and Keith an opportunity to coach and notes they need a lesson plan and wants it written down. Keith seems as slack jawed as Zach on this. One of the big kids basically knocks Zach down. Amy makes the point that he really shouldn’t be scoring when playing with the kids. Zach does make an interesting point on how kids tend to look to the tallest. Still this looks messed.
Levi and Jake want more drills. Zach seems to take it seriously…. I just think this is an unrealistic career and Amy and Matt really need to break it down to him.
There are tickets to see the Seattle Sounders. Amy has arranged for Zach to see the game and meet the manager. I am a lil torn on this. It does seem like fun, but we’re also really to the point where Zach needs to start to internalize that coaching sports isn’t going to be a career and this really isn’t the way to do it.
Was Jeremy throwing a water bottle into the ceiling? Jeremy and Zach debate when to leave. Jeremy really seems to be reading his lines in the hay bale session.
They head out. Jeremy is wearing a pink shirt that seems girl cut, and overalls. Eh. They stop to pick up Jake. The boys chat about soccer. They discuss how Oregon is pronounced. They get caught in traffic and seem to be missing the game. Finally they get in and then they can’t find the seats. Oh, it’s a fancy suite level. Jeremy hay bales how the arena makes him hot. He notes how he would do anything to play with them. Funny… whatever happened to Jer’s dream of playing? Since unlike Zach, he isn’t medically disqualified.
Zach muses how he could be the first MLS coach. I find myself wondering just how many of the rejects on American Idol really do think they can sing professionally.
So the twins head out of the *hotel* that they stayed at for the night. Because that’s realistic for a bunch of kids. To get box seats and then stay overnight at a nice hotel. They meet the GM AJ and Zach is nervous about asking questions. They chat about coaching. The GM seems to present a realistic view that coaches tend to be ex players at the college and pro level. I think Zach isn’t thinking realistically here.
So they head back to Portland. Zach hay bales about how he needs a lesson plan. The plan seems to be “more drills less scrimmaging”. Zach is pretty finger pointy at Keith. They seem to be working a play. I kinda find myself wondering if this “job” is a real job.
Not shocked that they get the coaching jobs since it feels like a complete set up. There’s a lot of talk about Zach’s passion. Zach hay bales about soccer always being his career. Again, kinda reminded of those kids who scream the f word and then declare that they’re gonna kick Simon, Randy and Paula’s butts.