Written by Expressed
I'm not stoked about these episodes since I'm expecting a heavy dose of Jake and Zach tonight. But who knows!
*They start with Jake running wild in the house. Throwing balls with his friends and jumping around. Amy says it's his 12th birthday. She takes pictures. Jake seems to think it's funny to shake his head and make his hair frizzy.
*Opening credits. It's a good thing Jeremy shirtless is in here because I don't think we're going to get much of Jer tonight.
*Jake is talking on a cell phone. He tells Amy that people think he sounds like Molly. Amy starts talking about puberty. Jake wants to hear nothing about that. I don't blame him here. I don't want to hear Amy talk about Jake going through puberty either!
*Matt thinks Jake needs a phone. So naturally, Amy thinks it's a bad idea. Matt needs to learn reverse psychology. Really.
*Matt sits Jake down and sets the rules. His phone bill can't be more than Matt's. Why not just pick an amount? He can't text after 9pm and stuff like that.
*It looks like Matt is actually just giving Jake his old phone. They talk about deleting all of Matt's contacts in the phone.
*Jake has a girlfriend, although if any misguided 12 year old girls out there want who miraculously see something in Jake that they like want to get their hopes up, Amy's voice over was in past tense, "Jake had a girlfriend Taylor". They talk about Jake being 12 with a girlfriend. Amy thinks it might be too young. Amy says her and Matt still haven't figured out relationships. I don't think it's a big deal. Everyone knows what "relationships" are like for 12 year olds. You say do you want to go out? Yeah? Yep. Ok he's my boyfriend now.
*Surprise surprise. Jake is texting past 9pm or right at 9pm. Amy wants him to give it back. Jake gives attitude. Jake is being the Jake that we all know and love (HAHAHAHA). He argues. He whines. He calls Amy "amazingly dumb". He's such a charming kid, ain't he?
*Matt wants to make sure he's on the same page with Amy about the pone. Amy says they aren't. Matt wants to restrict the use, Amy seems to want to take it away completely for Jake breaking the 9pm rule.
*Like most arguments between Matt and Amy, it goes deeper. Amy makes snarky comments about how she's been involved with the kids for 19 years (and he hasn't).
*Matt tells Zach that he's pissed off that Amy won't answer his texts. Hasn't Matt learned that Zach will never side with him? Why even bother?
*Amy says Matt and her don't know each other as well as they thought. Could they be promoting this "troubled marriage" story any more?
*Wow, mark this date on the calendar! Someone in the family besides Jeremy, agrees with Matt. Molly agrees with Matt that Amy should answer her texts. Amy shouts her down. Amy doesn't want to be bothered and says she tells them where she's going before she leaves.
*A Jeremy sighting. These are a few and far between tonight. He's sitting in the kitchen while Matt and Amy argue about her not answering his texts. Matt keeps on saying he just want to know if she's ok. He asks her questions about the event she went to. Amy responds like a high school student. With one word limited answers. I think the real issue here is that Amy thinks Matt is checking up on her and she resents it.
*Jeremy pipes up and suggests they end this conversation now before it gets worse. Who still thinks that Jeremy isn't the smart one? Words of wisdom from Jer. Listen to him.
*Amy informs Matt she gave Jake the phone back. Matt is happy Jake has the phone again.
*Jake is shown breaking all the rules they set down.
*There is a montage about Jake's texting obsession. You know it's bad when even Jeremy says Jake is out of control with texting. Jeremy says Jake has a problem.
*Jake is yelling at Amy again. She told him he had 5 more minutes with the phone. He shouted "No!", she says "Yes!" She physically takes it from him. Jake yells about her saying he had 5 more minutes. Well Jake, you did until you yelled at her "No!". I hope some people realize this is a worse way to argue than what people accuse Matt and Jeremy of doing.
*Amy says she's taking it away for a week.
*Molly's phone is "missing". They all think and know that Jake stole it. She confronts him. He lies, saying he put it down somewhere and he will get it. He gives it back by throwing it at Molly. Luckily she catches it. Certain Jake fans don't like when he's called a brat so I'll say he is displaying "brat-like behavior". He's busted. Molly tells Amy that Jake was texting his girlfriend Taylor. Jake asks Molly for his phone back. Amy says no. Jake calls her an "idiot". Amy smiles and tells Jake that she loves him. He storms out. Sigh. This kid is unbelievable. He breaks the rules, yells at his mom, steals Molly's phone, breaks the rules again, and then wants his phone back. Then yells at her again.
*The phone bill is in. Jake has a............$2700 phone bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Over 8000 texts in one month. This will forever end the discussion about if the Roloffs are just a normal family. Jeremy wonders what the world record is for most texts in a month. He's stylish in a sharp looking vest.
*Amy says they need to "help Jake understand" that he shouldn't text that much. Amy doesn't seem phased by the $2700 phone bill. Wow.
*Matt and Amy in another discussion about it. Matt wants Jake to clean up his room. What?? I'm with Amy here. She says don't make it about other things, it's about the phone.
*There is a new Little People Big World commercial from the photo shoot pictures that Spirits linked on here. Jeremy smiles and says he just graduated. Zach says they're going to community college. Jake says he will miss them.....come on! We all know they didn't really go anywhere...
*Back to the show. Amy calls Jake in for a talk. Note that Jake now has a hair cut. Amy is being way too nice. She speaks very politely and tells him this is "kind of a serious issue". Yeah....most people would consider a $2700 month phone bill a serious issue!! He broke the rule and she will tell him when he can have it back. He smiles.
*Cue the happy ending. Matt says they agreed they should take the phone away and put it in the drawer. Anyone want to bet whether they stuck to it and whether he was ever really without it for a week?
End of episode.
*Zach and his friend Keith attempt to make food while Jeremy watches. Keith is trying. Zach doesn't know where they keep the pots....Jeremy comments that he hopes Keith and Zach are better soccer coaches than they are cooks.
*Zach and Keith coach Jake's indoor team. They're trying to get a job from the owner as coaches. They're off to a wonderful start. They have no lesson plan after the own told them to one prepared. They forgot.
*Zach doesn't know their names and the practice is just having the kids play a game. Zach is way too involved in playing himself. Hey Zach, you're supposed to be a coach! Zach dekes through and scores. Amy looks embarrassed watching. She tells someone that she told Zach not to score.
*At the Roloffs home, Jake's friend Levi tells Zach they kids want more drills instead of just a scrimmage. Zach says some other kid wants more games.
*Amy announces that they were given free tickets to the Seattle Sounders (MLS team) game because they're big tv stars :) Ok, she left that part out. But she was given tickets and it's also been arranged that they can meet with the GM of the Seattle Sounders. Yeah, this is another typical experience for kids going to soccer game. Ok, I'll play along, we're not supposed to think about this stuff. Amy is excited for Zach because this is a great chance for Zach to talk to a professional about his dream of a life in soccer.
*Jeremy and Zach are in the kitchen debating about what time they should leave because they don't want to be late (foreshadowing!) Jeremy is making loud noises dropping pots. Zach calls him annoying. Jer laughs.
*This is the sound byte of the night. Jeremy says he thinks Zach will make a good coach because....well, basically he can't see Zach doing anything else. Zach shouldn't use Jeremy as a reference if he's trying to get a job in soccer.
*They are getting ready to leave on their drive to Seattle. It's Zach, Jeremy, Jake and the friend Keith. Jeremy is sporting fancy (not really) overalls...I wish he'd lose the overalls. There, don't anyone say Jeremy fans don't criticize Jeremy!
*Now as they're getting into the van they suddenly all have soccer jerseys on.
* Zach drives while he talks to Keith in the front seat. Funny editing. Jeremy and Jake look like they're dead in the back seat. Don't anyone say Jeremy and Jake don't do anything together. They're sleeping together. The editing keeps going from outside the van to inside with Zach and Keith talking. One moment Jer and Jake are dead in the back. The next they're wide awake and texting.
*Surprise surprise. They're late. They're in a traffic jam. Zach yells that someone is braking....duh, it is a traffic jam. Zach almost gets them all kid with his wild driving. Jeremy tells him to calm down and be careful.
*At the game, it looks like they have box seats. Jeremy is REALLY excited. He looks more into it than anyone. It's funny, Zach is the one who is supposed to be totally into soccer, but it's Jeremy who looks like he's having a blast. Jeremy mostly shares his excitement with Keith. Again, who would you rather go to a game with? The guy who has fun and has a great time? No comment.
*Jeremy tells everyone that he would love to practice with the Seattle Sounders or a team like that and take shots on the goalie. Hint hint hint (as soon as the Seattle Sounders people hear that comment). Coming soon to a future episode of LPBW.... (just guessing).
*Zach thinks he can be the first dwarf to be a MLS coach. Wow. I guess it's good he has a dream. They're at a hotel waiting for they're big meeting with the GM. Zach is going to be in charge of the meeting, Jeremy, Jake and Keith are just along for the ride.
*Zach asks the GM questions about how he got started and tells him that he loves soccer, has always played and his now coaching with Jake...I notice Jeremy has a pained expression listening to Zach explain himself.
*The GM is very nice. He's trying to be very friendly and polite. He explains that he played and most everybody in his position has playing experience at a very high level. He tells Zach that he won't have that chance. He tells Zach he should do youth coaching (hint) and stay involved that way. He was trying to softly let Zach down without crushing his dream.
*Apparently Zach didn't hear it the same way I did. Zach is encouraged because he thinks he's on the right path with his big indoor coaching gig coaching Jake's team.
*Zach isn't my favorite and I don't think he got the signal the GM was sending, but I do feel bad for him. He does love soccer, it's his passion, but because he's a dwarf it really is not possible. He doesn't want to believe it's impossible, but I think everyone else realizes that it is. It is sad.
*Zach and Keith are back at the Indoor place for another practice. The owner is judging them to see if he will give them the job. This time they're more prepared and do some drills. It's the big moment. The owner is a nice guy. He says Keith is a great second in command and compliments Zach on his passion for the game and that's what rubs off on the kids and will keep them wanting to come back, so they have the job. Zach is excited to have his first paying (soccer) job....because the pay for being a reality tv show star is a hard living! Ha.
*The indoor owner gives Zach some good advice about life that the most important thing is to follow through on what you say you're going to do.
End of the shows tonight.