Monday, January 11, 2010

Guest Roloff Episode Review by Rap541: Little People, Big World

Our next guest episode reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong solely to the person making them (Rap541).

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Written by Rap541

8pm episode

I have to say, the overly dramatic commercials suggesting that Zach won’t graduate are a tad silly considering we already saw the graduation party.

Jeremy whines about waking up. Amy tells him to get up on time. Jeremy insists he wakes himself up, and has no idea Amy wakes him up. Amy rightly notes it’s a pretty stupid conversation considering he’s admitting she gets him up but insisting he “doesn’t know that”. Really Jeremy, the way to prove mom wrong is to actually get up every morning without her needed to come into your bed room. You’re 18. Almost 19 in this scene. Stop whining, start doing. And Zach? Same to you.

Now the kids are eating ravioli. Matt notes Jeremy’s grades are important. Jeremy calls Dad “Mr. College” in a snide tone and then concedes it was rude. There’s an extensive voiceover on how the boys haven’t been giving a darn about college. Zach hay bales how he doesn’t really want to go. Matt wants to buy the twins a house and let them have a their own bachelor pad for college. Molly rightly notes how the twins are completely immature. I wonder how realistic buying a house for two people to live in while they attend a college that they don’t really want to attend and don’t really care about is. I mean, I have heard of this sort of investment, and it’s not a bad idea if your kid is going to a four year school…. But when your kids basically drool and run away when college is mentioned, in this housing market it seems like a bad idea.

Oh and how long would a house with Jeremy and Zach last, really? The two guys who like to burn and break things?

Amy wakes up the twins at 7am. Funny that. Amy hay bales how they rely on her and she notes its “astounding” she has to wake them up. This turns into a bit of a whine fest on Amy’s part on how she isn’t acknowledged as their servant. Amy? There’s an easy way to solve that. Advise them both that you’re not their servant, or their secretary, and let them fall. The twins are old enough to get themselves up for school without you. If they miss too much and fail, then they do.

Amy buys graduation stuff. This involves extensive decoration with Party City! Party City is where the Party is! PRODUCT PLACEMENT! PARTY CITY!

So now the two brain trust twins are being led to college by their mommy. Zach hay bales how he doesn’t want to go. Neither twin has brought id because well, why bother. I mean they’re just almost nineteen. I suspect they still need to be told to wipe at this point. Amy notes she has to tell them everything to do. The twins are given forms. Jeremy doesn’t know his social security number. FYI Jer? Depending on your state? Its ON your driver’s license. You know? Id? Zach can’t spell the state he lives in. Zach hon? The name of the state you live in? Is on your driver’s license. You know? Id? Amy helps Jeremy fill out his form while Molly helps Zach, because neither can manage for themselves and would no doubt wander off in five minutes if left to manage it themselves. Jeremy notes he is going to community college because he is lazy. Zach says he might not graduate. Amy hay bales that she was startled to hear that. I really don’t know why that’s a shocker, Amy. I think it was pretty obvious awhile ago.

We redo “I might not graduate” in the next post commercial scene. Amy hay bales how worried she is. The twins go see the guidance counselor together because that’s completely appropriate, two young men having a joint guidance session. I know the filming is partly an issue here but really? They aren’t *conjoined* twins and should be seeing the college counselor separately. The twins both hem and haw about why they are wanting to attend PCC, hinting that their grades aren’t great and they aren’t all that interested.

The twins and Amy are given the tour. There’s a farm, sheep, an organic garden. Its all very green. Amy muses on taking a photography class and spending more time with the twins in class. Yeah, my mom made that joke. Both twins look bored and ask nothing.

Amy’s parents are at the house. Grandma seems really excited about community college and says some nice things (smaller classes, less expensive, time to make up your mind)

Now more people turn up, including massive tat boy. Molly has already planned her college career (so not surprised) and Amy and her lp friend pick out cute photos for the party. A nice montage of the twins while Amy wonders “what went wrong?” Oh Amy…. Zach apparently has barely been able to hear most of his senior year. He lives in a house of chaos and never is made to work. And he seems to be depressed and frightened and a bit infantile about doing anything where you aren’t holding my hand. Oh, and he’s on a tv show. Is that an elephant walking by? Or just a prop from Party City? PARTY CITY IS WHERE THE PARTY IS!

Grandpa NotRoloff quickly decides to run things and tells Matt what to do with machinery. Matt voices over how Zach might not graduate complete with dramatic music. The party is before graduation. Jeremy hay bales how he and his *twin brother* have gone to school together for 12 years. Yeah, that’s deep and not obvious.

Amy is getting some minor league soccer team to show up, the Portland Timbers. This is actually kind of a weird graduation gift. A minor league soccer team showing up to meet and greet? There’s even gifts for the twins. From the team. Honestly it just seems kinda kiddy for my tastes, but the twins love it so. And of course, the twins get their own little soccer clinic and this is so something that not on tv people have happen. Lil note, Roloff clan, having a semiprofessional soccer team attend parties is a wee bit extravagant. Matt voices over that basically they ignored Zach’s grades over Jeremy’s and now Zach is failing. Hmm.

There’s expensive cakes. I wonder if the dude on Cake Boss made them. They looked fancy.

Amy heads into school and demands to know Zach’s status. Really, what school doesn’t inform the parents that the kid isn’t graduating. Unless Faith is a terrible school - and having seen how some of the grads spell, that’s possible, its hard to believe Amy and Matt could conceivably turn up for graduation just in time to see Zach hauled out of the line and given a dunce cap.

Oh look, a commercial where Zach graduates. Nicely timed, TLC. Nicely timed!

Back to the show! Finally! Zach is apparently going to graduate! And Jeremy finished with honors… good for him! Pity it’s too late to do much good, but good job! The family sits out on the giant porch and Zach hay bales how he did what he needed to do. Matt says something trite about Zach buckling down and working which is completely not what we just saw.

29 comments:

Tashapork said...

I like what you said about Amy telling them how to wipe. My Mom said during the show "Does she have to go in there and wipe their butts" I really don't understand if part of it is TLC's editing or have those boys became more infantile over the years. They used to not necessarily be so hot in academics, but they could get in there and build things and do projects and such. Sometimes young adults get diagnosed with their ADHD or learning problems in college and get the help they need, or they find something that interests them and they take off. I hope that happens here.

Brandon said...

Excellent Rap! LOL. You're killing me. Perfect :) My favorites...

"Amy helps Jeremy fill out his form while Molly helps Zach, because neither can manage for themselves and would no doubt wander off in five minutes if left to manage it themselves."

And

"Oh, and he’s on a tv show. Is that an elephant walking by? Or just a prop from Party City? PARTY CITY IS WHERE THE PARTY IS!"

Also..

"Unless Faith is a terrible school - and having seen how some of the grads spell, that’s possible,"

LOL! Great job Rap :)

NJC said...

Hey Rap! Where's the party?!!

Fun review thanks! It's nice to have an episode that doesn't seem likely to spark another round of battles on here. (Is that even possible?)

Rap541 said...

Tasha - thanks - and honestly, I tend to find it a little sad when I see the twins so completly incapable of fending for themselves. I mean really, its not as though they've been raised Amish. In this day and age, you need id when you go places, and we've heard Amy say this to both of the twins before so we can't fall back on "they've never been told". Really, it was like watching five year olds.

NJC - PARTY CITY! PARTY CITY IS WHERE THE PARTY IS!

Brandon - glad you liked!

Dana said...

I think most of the critical comments should have been saved for Zach.

Rap, didn't mention it unless I missed it, but Jeremy is an honor student. An honor student needs to be told to "wipe". Jeremy did well and personally I felt that should have received more attention on the show than it did. He proved his critics wrong.

It was Zach who barely passed.

Dana said...

Rap, Expressed nicely explained what Jeremy meant in the opening scene. It's unfortunate neither you or Amy understood.

Rap541 said...

Actually Dana - I very clearly praised Jeremy for making honor roll his senior year. Sadly, it is a little too late to help him, as even he noted as he was getting enrolled in community college because he was lazy. You did miss what I said in your rush to whine. I don't expect an apology since I don't expect better from you.

Oh and Jer-Bear and his nonsensical issues with wakey wakey time? Dana, did Jeremy need mama's help getting up? Yes, yes he did, and he needed mama to get him off to college too. It's unfortunate that you think acting like an infant is somehow worth defending.

Dana said...

I apologize, I did miss your one line about it (followed by a negative).

The fact is Jeremy is an honor student. Some of the comments I am reading (not only from you) are very harsh on Jeremy considering he did make honors. A person who makes honors should not be talked about with that kind of disrespect.

I am not sure why Amy waking the twins up gets ink or discussion. I wonder if Amy is reading and seeing the criticisms so she is obliging by talking about it. When kids live at home, it's not uncommon for parents to wake them up. When they aren't there, the kid gets up on their own. Amy has been away several times. I don't recall hearing that they were late everyday. They did what most kids do, adjust when they don't have the security of their parents.

Danica Keeley said...

i agree...a little harsh. they are kids. my goodness!!

M said...

Funny review rap! I loved it!
I agree with Brandons qoutes from you. They were my favorites too.

Seriously how bad was the timing of the commercial of zach in cap and gown? One sec he's not graduating the next sec he is!! Praise the lord! Then it's back to the show where we already know the answer but they drag out zach may not be graduating for another ten minutes. I was watching it with my dad and he said "oh look he's in a cap and gown! He's graduating. Now that they most likely blew the ending for us... you want to watch something else?" lol

David said...

Outstanding review Rap. Cheers

Jocelynn said...

Rap, great job! I too was howling reading your review.

I have questions about the quality of the school. Jeremy doesn't carry himself like an honor student in any aspect of his life. He doesn't prepare, he admits he doesn't care and is lazy, he..struggles in other life tasks like filling out forms.

Your comment at the end was right on. They must think viewers will believe whatever is said even if it is the opposite of what we just watched.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Dana.....some honor student Jeremy is. No driver's license & has no idea what his SS number is. I knew mine at 8 years old. You have to realize something...he's not going to be pretty forever.

Rap541 said...

Dana - I know its sometimes hard for you to apply logic so here goes. Jeremy made honor roll in his final semester of high school. We know he didn't make honor roll in the fall semester because the rerun that followed this episode was from the fall semester where he got all C's. Which btw means unless Faith has a really skewed, messed up ranking, there's no way Jeremy "graduated with honors". He simply made honor roll in his final semester, and Amy was surprised enough to mention it, which strongly suggests its a new thing.

Its a good thing. Its not the same as Molly maintainig all A's and likely graduating with honors, having maintained an all A average for four years of school, and lets not pretend that it is. Because when you do suggest that someone making honor roll in their final semester of school is the same as someone who maintained all A's for four years, you completely devalue actual accomplishments.

The issue with Jeremy and Zach needing momma to be their alarm clock and personal assistant is obvious. They're 18. They are old enough to get up for school without a struggle. They don't. Responsible adults manage it, and these two adults don't and forgive me, these two adults actually went to college with the intent of enrolling and didn't bring ID? Like I said earlier, since we've actually seen the blank stares and the "you need ID for grown up activities" talk from Amy before, its not as though either twin is in a position to smile and say "I'm eighteen and I had no idea I need to carry ID because I am a naive little boy".

I know WHY Amy and Molly went with them, because if the twins were left alone to get themselves enrolled in community college (which btw has the admission standards of "we accept anyone over 18") the twins would never get enrolled.

And thats a little sad. As one of the anon's said, pretty doesn't last forever.

Rap541 said...

Jocelynn, I was kinda stunned that we got a wrap up of how Zach buckled down. Really, it just shows how completely disconnected from the problem Matt actaully was.

M - I totally agree on the commercial timing. I was already annoyed since the other graduation party already happened previously and then the entire point of this episode, complete with dramatic music is negated.... Yeah, bad timing.

Tashapork said...

Bright kids having little common sense and functional skills or motivation is quite common. If Jeremy and Zach had someplace they really wanted to get to, they would be up at the crack of dawn if necessary, but they could care less if they go to school or not and they know mom is their safety net. The problem with college is that I really don't think they see it as a way to a better life, after all Matt didn't finish and he's doing quite well, Amy did, but she mostly stayed home with the kids and helped Matt. It is a different day and age and college is more important than ever, but I don't think they see it in their daily lives.

Kapper said...

Love your review Rap. I was confused while watching the show that Amy mentioned (or was it Matt) that Jeremy was graduating with honors. WTF??? I didn't even think he had a 3.0. Does Faith Bible have a different standard for qualifying with 'honors'?
I'm so convinced that Amy is sooooo over her husband. I don't think TLC is playing up their marital discord (well, they are, but you know what I mean) I think it's real. Amy is disgusted with Matt, it oozes out of her pores. Her life is her children, not her husband. And why she continually comments about facing the empty-nest syndrome is beyond me. She still has 2 school-age kids left.
The twins are pathetic, thanks to Amy and Matt's parenting skills. How Molly turned out so responsible amazes me. But on the other spectrum she's almost TOO much, just SO good, just SO smart. Yeah, enough already, we get it. You're perfect...
And having a pro soccer team show up at your graduation party? I'm surprised Cake Boss wasn't there as well, or better yet the Little Chocolatiers

Anonymous said...

Buying the twins a house to live in while they are in college is stupid. None of the Roloff kids respect property, especially the twins. I couldn't believe the condition of their door and room before the house was revamped. The parents don't really make them respect these things (especially Amy) so any house they are in will be demolished in no time. Matt will complain, but nothing will be done about it and the house will wind up a wreck by the time the boys are done with it (if they don't burn it down). He will either have to sink money into it to fix it or sell it at a loss as is.

Anonymous said...

The twins are not 18- they turned 19 last May and will be 20 in 4 months. I would have been really embarassed to have my Mom bring me to register when I went to University. Maybe if Amy let go and let them show up to register on their own- they would grow up a little. We learn from our mistakes- not by being told what to do. Do you think Amy is afraid of letting go of the caregiving role?

Rap541 said...

Anon at 1:32 - before the housing bubble and crash, buying a house for the college age kid to live in as opposed to living on campus and paying to live on campus, was a popular and not terrible investment.

I agree the twins are likely to trash such a home, but the real problem is that it assumes that the person buying the house holds onto it for a few years and builds *some* easy equity. Nowadays, its a more risky investment.

Erica said...

"We learn from our mistakes- not by being told what to do"

I remember Matt and Jeremy talking about girls, Matt said I told you (something about being too involved with Kirsten). Jeremy's reply was that he wanted to learn on his own, make his own mistakes and find out for himself.

Too bad that doesn't stray over to other areas of their lives.

Carol said...

During the "dinner, after Matt mentioned buying a house for Jeremy and Zach, I was surprised to hear Amy say "I suggest you get out on your own". Jeremy said something to Amy but they didn't mic it.

Everything Amy does counters wanting Jeremy and Zach living on their own.

Anonymous said...

The best thing for those boys would be to rent from someone other than their parents and to live away from home and be responsible for actions entirely. If they don't wake up in time to get to class, then they may be retaking classes the next year. If they trash the place they are living in, they will lose the deposit. They may even be kicked out before the end of their lease because of all the destruction to their place that is given. When they wind up with no place to live and failing classes right and left, they will either put on their big boy pants and being more responsible or they will go home to Amy and Matt. Amy will make excuses for their behavior and Matt will rant and rave, but do nothing that actually matters.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rap great review! Love your sarcasm and disdain for the constant enabling M & A do. I wonder how much of PCC we will get to see next year? Perhaps if TLC donates $ for a new wing or library we'll get to see the boys with teachers that don't care if they show up or pass. Could make for some stellar reviews by you!!! Can't wait!!!

Timothy said...

Ditto that. Loved your biting sarcasm Rap. Thanks for writing it. Very entertaining and you nailed it.

Rap541 said...

Tim, Anon, thanks a lot!It is a lot of fun to give voice to the train wreck :)

Anonymous said...

Could someone please explain what "hay bales" means. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

how many times can a person say hay bales?

Cathy from NH

Expressed said...

Don't back down on Hay bales, Rap! 4 more days, are you ready? :)

I don't see what peoples hang about it is. Matt calls them "Barn Bites". Rap calls them hay bales. So what? As a reviewer, I got to say it's a lot easier to say hay bales than "Amy talks to the camera in the interview". When you need to write that 9 times in a recap, haybale becomes a lot more fun.