Written by Rap541
Interesting notes on a rewatch.
Matt is wearing a Statesman jersey at the Portland Timbers game. Also Matt refers to the team as “Zach’s all star team”. Matt also refers to the Statesmen as “elite athletes” when in fact there weren’t exactly tryouts.
New ep 1
Triumphant music! Amy takes photos. The dwarfs compare height. There is some accusation by Marty that the Manuel twins are not true dwarfs. Its in fun. Jeremy is wearing a bright pink shirt. It’s not a great look for him.
Table tennis with the Statesmen. Zach hay bales how he and Marty went out to cheer on the Statesmen at different sports as proper team captains should. Considering how this is clearly not a *soccer* team bit Marty is apparently into basketball much more than soccer, and the Statesmen all have basketball jerseys, as well as soccer jerseys…. I kinda think this isn‘t actually a soccer only event at all and wasn‘t portrayed as one to the team participants. Amy is roped into playing since the Statesmen is a sausage fest and apparently that’s against the rules. The Manuel twins are much nicer looking with the short hair cuts.
Now we have a group of sports shots and then Amy is hay baling how she was helping out a female soccer team. She notes her team basically has no idea how to play and she basically teaches them how to play and notes how much fun being able to play. She scores!
Tragedy! There’s a phone call! Marty is in hospital! (note my englishism there hee hee) Amy heads off to check on him and hay bales how this will KILL morale for the basketball team. Gotta be honest… I really don’t see how we’re going to get like… four episodes of soccer drama without bringing on the yawns. Because really this is episode three of four and I am bored.
Amy hay bales that basketball practice was canceled. She decides to take the average height kids to a castle. Jeremy notes how he has studied castles and is incredibly impressed and how he’s always wanted to be in Ireland looking at castles and is having *the* most fantastic experience of all. You know, put Jeremy in front of a shiny object and that’s always what he’s wanted to look at and has studied shiny objects and is having the absolute best time ever. Guaranteed!
Zack and an lp debate his leg height. Marty is released from hospital. Basically he had some sort of asthma attack. There’s a fairly lengthy discussion on his health. He seems ok but tired.
Off to the basketball game. Zach notes they were confident because they had so many LA Breakers on the team. Yeah, wonder what the Grass Hogs think of that…. You remember them? The team Matt was desperate to send to Ireland? They are playing UK 2. Insert sports montage. Molly has a Statesmen jersey. Amy hay bales how they weren’t cutting it. Commercial.
More sports montages. You know there’s a reason I am not watching the NBA playoffs tonight. Its because I don’t like basketball. Oh cue “Eye of the Tiger” and now they have won the game! No wait… they are making Amy play… which is interesting in that not only was she griping earlier about them not cutting it, she doesn’t seem to know how to play at all…. Zach goes on how the first games will be blowouts. Cue sports montage. They won by a zillion. Now we watch the Australians and Amy goes on about the need for good fundamentals… she didn’t know what basket to shoot for. Zach is all “oooh good girl player on the aussie team”.
More balls in baskets. They win a game of 49 to 0. Zach again notes how playing on the LA Breakers is cool. Matt taunts the Aussie girl player, in a fun way. Yup, US vs. Australia. Amy notes how this is the ultimate face off .
Cue sports montage. I get a drink. Play on facebook a bit. The Statesmen are called for fouls. Jeremy in the audience looks as bored as I am. While Amy whines a bit about the fouls, there’s some clear fouls. When I can tell you’re fouling someone, you’re fouling someone. Amy notes how being American will help. Because Americans are best as basketball.
Zach hay bales how intense it was. Cue sports montage. I get a coke. Mmmm coke. It is a US win. The Aussies are good sports and everyone seems very pleased. There’s gold medals. Amy notes how winning gold with Zach is awesome. Matt is no where to be found in this episode at all.
Belfast. Land of knee capping and throwing bombs in school yards. Now that the gold in basketball is won, its time to focus on SOCCER. Although I thought the basketball finals were after the soccer finals? I dunno.
Matt roles by and calls himself “technically” the ream manager and that he’s dumping it all on Amy. But then he gets all “they aren’t taking it seriously” which kinda reflects the attitude of the team manager, don‘t you think? The team manager who spent the first three days of what is clearly an all sport event and not just a soccer tourney touring Switzerland? There’s all of one practice. Zach hay bales how he’s the only one focusing on soccer, because the team really came to party and play basketball. Zach is more worried about fitness. Amy wants gold. Amy lectures the team on how they are a team. Typical coach talk, in my opinion.
Who is Dwarf “Piedra” with the Mohawk? He’s cute.
Now Zach lectures the team on how to play. Amy gets a call from Matt. He wants to talk to the team. Zach is annoyed as Matt has skipped everything and now wants to have a pep talk. Matt notes how annoyed Zach was but that the team *needed* to have Matt go on about how they are. Matt feels its disrespectful of Zach to be annoyed at how Matt ditched the entire job of team manager to play with Jeremy since what Zach really needs to do is kiss daddy’s ass.
Sorry - Matt likes his ass kissed. That’s all this final moment was about… coming on down to remind the team that he is the special one. I totally understand the urge - I like ass kissing too. And Zach needs to gut check this because Matt isn’t going to change. This was where Matt makes this all about Matt, despite bailing and likely only attending the soccer games because it would look really bad if he totally skipped all the events.
Zach continually goes on how this is the World Cup for dwarfs. He’s got a cute fauxhawk thing going on with his hair that I like. God this is like endless though. Sports montage. I’d like to point out that UK 2 does not have the team in billboard advertising. Basically this turns into a blow out. Matt lectures how the team needs to not showboat because its rude. Matt and Amy both harp on how cocky Zach is. I dunno… three minutes after the game has ended as a blow out… I see being a bit cocky. Where I would call Zach cocky is the later “the UK2 team is a team that’s finally on MY level” stuff.
The French/German team didn’t even have jerseys at all…. If I seem to be harping on this, its partly because from watching this, it does not seem common or necessary for a team to show up in matching team jerseys for every team event. The other teams don’t have personalized jerseys, and at least one team was simply wearing sport coverall jerseys, like the sort you have the kids put on to play in gym. Am I going somewhere with this? Yeah, that maybe the US team didn’t need to be plastered with ads, and maybe the DAAA was concerned about commercializing the event. After all, the Statesmen had custom personalized track suits, custom personalized basketball uniforms, custom soccer jerseys. They seemed a little over dressed compared to the other teams… As in I don’t think based on the other teams that there was a uniform requirement
In fact there’s a couple really obvious clues that the World Dwarf Games aren’t “The World Cup of Dwarf Soccer” or in fact an actual invite only event as it was portrayed in Matt’s plea for the “Grasshogs” to be sponsored. For starters, Amy joined a pick up female soccer team that was formed on site. A lot of the team was more there for the basketball and in fact the Statesmen was a sports team, not a soccer team. There’s the fact that the UK2 team was clearly a scrub team that was there to have fun and the reality that the French and Germans pretty much put a team together on the spot. If you showed up, you got to play. Nothing wrong with that… but lets not play the elite athlete card, ok?
And now they are playing UK1. Zach for what it’s worth seemed concerned about the ability of the Statesmen to take on the UK1 team.
The UK1 team basically has a uniform of um… white shirts. No numbers or names on the jerseys. See point above. Zach goes on about how they “match him” for skill and smartness of game. He’s impressed that they used their throw ins… I’m impressed Zach seems this oblivious to how arrogant he can sound on the soccer topic.
Ok, what the heck? The goal by Adam? Yeah um, the ref made the right call in my opinion, it was a goal kick, you don’t rush the goalie for that. I’m glad the obvious hissy fit that was thrown was kept under control. Sports montage. Now they are tied. Marty notes if they get to penalty kicks they win! That’s hilarious Marty! More sports montage. Oh nice slide tackle! Now we’re in penalty shots … Amy hay bales how nervous Zach must be and then he blows his kick. Yeah, they lose.
Well, ok there was a commercial break first but… they lose.
Zach seems humble in admitting he blew it. There’s lots of montage of Zach sad. Now we have the closing ceremony. Zach notes how he has changed! He thinks it was good he lost. Matt notes how proud he was and that the team needed the humiliation. Amy thinks it was great. I don’t like Zach’s hair in the hay bales. Also, this was a snooze fest. I was as bored as Jeremy.