Monday, May 24, 2010

Guest Episode Roloff Review by Rap541; Little People, Big World May 24, 2010

Our next guest reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements belong to the person making them (Rap541).


Written by Rap 541

Episode one

So Amy is on day two of the fundraiser. Amy heads into the slop pile and attempts to haul the twins out of beddy bye. I’m shocked she can find anyone in the pigsty. The twins respectfully continue snoozing.

Amy over talks how freaking important it is and how they could loose money!

Then they pull a Battlestar Galactica and jump back in time to discuss the money!
(in case you don’t get the reference, while I adore the new Galactica, it had an annoying tendency to suddenly flash “three weeks earlier” or “ten days from now” and then creating giant plot issues)

Should they use time travel for this? Really?

Apparently this was expensive. Maybe if there had been less time travel?


Amy notes that Molly is going to a golf club and needs to wear something other than jeans. This becomes important later. Molly notes it would have been nice to know sooner than walking into the gold club parking lot. Amy is interviewed on radio and hay bales how she was out of her comfort zone and uncomfortable but she just had to make it happen!

Ever think Jeremy’s tendency to repeat the same things over and over comes from Amy?


Amy is all about focusing and is glad the kids can take care of themselves. Molly promptly sets off the fire alarm with burnt bacon and Jeremy responds to the crisis by lying in bed in his pigsty.

Amy yaps and yaps about the charities and is basically making everyone participate. Oh god could we hear how uncomfortable and out of her comfort zone she is. Because I don’t think I heard it the first time.

Molly notes the boys have broken their door. Nice. Isn’t this a brand new house still? And don’t we discover in the next episode how Jeremy is a carpenter and loves to do things like fix doors. He dully tells Molly he will fix it later.

This whole cooking segment feels forced. Jeremy demands macaroni from Molly while she tries to plan and she calls him an idiot. This goes on and on. There’s some debate on how to season chicken. No one moves off the laundry covered couch and Jeremy notes he is hungry and does not move.

So now all of the kids shop together. Yeah this isn’t forced and completely unnatural. 19 year old Jeremy refers to himself as a kid and notes how he likes mom to take care of things. They argue amongst themselves over what sort of chicken to buy. Zach again notes his “grab and go” views on shopping. There’s much argument over cheese types. Molly hay bales how hard mom works and notes in the store that the boys are pissing her off.

After abandoning her children, Amy is still down by a lot of golfers and its for DAAA and etc etc etc. The kids meanwhile make dinner. Jeremy notes how much easier things are when he has mommy doing everything. Jeremy proceeds to throw macaroni at the cupboards “to test it” and sets off the fire alarm.

Amy and Marty arrive and she’s worried since they only got 144 golfers instead of 150. There’s much meeting and greeting. Apparently Jeremy and Zach are helping out. Jeremy is wearing cut offs and Amy is displeased but doesn’t do anything like send him home to change since its not THAT far. Jeremy notes his cut offs are “dress shorts”.

So the tourney starts. Amy seems confused considering she is running the deal and has been there before. Amy gets all nervous about her play. God this is like watching paint dry. Amy basically plays the goofy game. The men she is with seem kinda like “ok….”. There’s also an amusing game theme at each hole. And of course Jeremy and Zach are in charge of the soccer game.

They basically goof and Jeremy and Zach both admit to having no idea what they are supposed to do. So they play soccer. Amy meanwhile gets a massage on site. She clearly was the crappy player and they do some sort of joke with a exploding powdery ball? Hee!

Jeremy philosophically notes how hard it is to keep a golf green up and how hot and boring and dull it was, and how he doesn‘t like it. Apparently he almost died. Poor baby. I bet this was the hardest job he had all summer!

The men with Amy attempt to help her or at least not mock her. I sense a “lets all just get through this” vibe. Now the last event… the booze! Oh wait… it’s a ball drop from a helicopter!. I bet thing could have been a lot less expensive if they hadn’t hired a helicopter for the giveaway. Just a thought.

Now it’s a WEEK AFTER the tournament! Amy notes how exhausting it was and she brought the team back together. I do note that Amy seems to organize these things a lot better than Matt. Finally we get the numbers after Amy goes on about being hopeful to break even. Hurrah! It’s a success! Amy is all “woo!” in the hay bale. She goes on about the team and all. Its nice. Dull to watch, but nice.

Episode 2

The farm! With various attractions. Jake plays video games in the twins room and hay bales how he likes indoor time. Matt hay bales how the kids SHOULD be playing outdoors but play video games. I note the giant game stations all over the house. Maybe if someone did less yapping to the camera and more parenting and denying of treats like everyone having a game station on a giant wide screen tv in their bedroom and also at all the televisions in the house? Zach blithers on about games. He’s actually really hard to understand and I don’t know what he says. This is the last we see of Zach.

So Matt checks out the swamp fort with Jeremy. He hay bales how awesome forts are. Jeremy also notes how he’s in love with building and how its his favorite thing! Jeremy notes how crappy Jake’s fort is. Matt notes on the ride over that Jake has an inferiority complex. Jeremy bitches about the fort. They want to “help” with the fort. I note how incredibly negative they are about that help. Not sure I’d want to play with people who start the fun with a discussion of how I suck.

Jake goes on about loving video games. Matt hauls Jake down stairs and basically tells him to go build a fort. Jake hay bales how he’s not into it but heads off. Jake notes that he’s not interested and gets bored. Matt says he doesn’t want to tell Jake to like forts, because he doesn’t believe his children have to share his interests and yet he just made the kid go out and build on a fort he has no interest in. And then dramatically plays to the camera how disappointed he is.

Now he’s chatting up a friend how Jake isn’t into forts so he wants to show Jake how cool it is to build forts by having a fort contest. Because the important thing is for Jake to develop his own interests and Matt doesn’t want to force the point or make him feel he has to like what Dad likes in order to be loved. Oh no.

So this fort contest is interesting. All of the kids participating seem to be closer to Jeremy’s age than Jake’s. Matt goes on about how this is just awesome. Again the age of the kids is well… noticeable. Matt hay bales how he doesn’t want to push Jake but he’s annoyed Jake didn’t leap at the opportunity. To play forts with a bunch of strangers who all appear to be 15-18. Matt introduces the high schoolers Jake is competing against for the fort contest, and Matt‘s love. In fairness, the different terrains for each fort make the contest impossible to accurately judge. There’s a huge amount of power tools and lumber, like nice stuff. You know, when I built forts, it was with genuine scrap lumber, not a pallet of two by fours from Home Depot. If the fort had paint, it was because there was some left over in the garage. We got old barn wood from you know… abandoned barns. This is kinda tame, Matt.

Matt waxes on how the Blue team got extra help, which also makes the competition aspect awkward. There’s an extensive bit on how the kids build forts. This is as interesting as golf….

Jeremy is passionate about forts! Jeremy condescends about “these kids” not being as privileged as he was growing up. Jeremy snots how Jake finds fort building hard because its difficult. Kinda like how being a pro soccer star was too much work, huh Jer? Once you figured out it would take a lot of work…. Funny how that stopped…Wait… didn’t the awesome swamp fort Jeremy built with nothing but his passion and a hammer actually take three years, about a dozen workers, and daddy’s intervention to finish? Good thing Jake has Jeremy’s example of dragging his feet until Daddy takes over to watch.

Hey, has Mr. Passionate and Not A Quitter ever held a job or done work where his daddy wasn’t his direct supervisor? Heck I heard even Mueller is off living life as a fire fighter these days while Jeremy is at home, at twenty, building forts for Daddy. Live the adventure Jer!

Matt again goes on how Jake should have been totally comfortable playing with a group of kids who seem a lot older than him, that he doesn’t know, and that Matt is disappointed. Because Matt does not want to force Jake to like what he likes but if Jake doesn’t like what he likes…. Well, he’s just not a good son. Even though this is NOT about making Jake like what Matt likes.

An unfinished shack on the farm. And then forts. Matt hay bales how these kids never built anything before, which I kinda doubt. In fact, I kinda suspect this Boy and Girls club grop just might be the ones interested in shop class stuff. Not that I think they were ringers. But I do note that all of them managed to get nice looking forts up in two days while Jeremy The Carpenter took what… three years? The forts are cute….. Matt waxes on how unique the fort in the woods is. Jake wanders out and Matt is pleased at his momentary interest. Finally its over. For some reason Matt has Jake and his buddies paintball the freshly decorated forts. You know, I’d be pretty pissed if I busted as on a fort only to have it paint balled “for stress testing”.

So all the kids get t-shirts and Matt calls them all winners, and again I am struck by how all of these kids are clearly closer in age to the twins than Jake. And everyone gets a trophy. And now we have the cheat sheet ending where Jake and Jeremy build stuff and look at a sunset.

Kinda funny how Matt simply doesn’t give a damn about Zach building a fort.


Brandon said...

That was amazing Rap! :)

Rap541 said...

Thanks Brandon! :) I have this urge to torture myself with the New Caprica episodes of BSG now.

John d. said...

No new episodes next week by the way

Rawr said...

Great review.
Come on, a paintball attack? Was this really the best way to stress test two days of hard work (read "free labor") from these kids?

Candice said...

I totally agree with your primary point. Matt is not being a good parent.

You NEVER force or guilt your kids into doing something you think is fun. Inspire their dreams, help them find things that are fun for them.

Constantly placing Jeremy on a pedestal was terrible. Jeremy did it too.

Greg said...

Where are all the people who are so quick to say Jeremy is so mature?

Throwing food against the walls? At 19? I guarantee if that was Zach there would have been people lining up to say Jeremy is so much more mature.

Greg said...

Btw, I agree the dinner talk on the couch sounded forced but regardless, Molly has definitely become the best Roloff.

It was about the third time this season Molly has called Jeremy either selfish or an idiot.

AussieMum said...

I love your recaps Rap541. It may be 12 months before I actually watch these episodes. O well.

Betty said...

"Maybe if someone did less yapping to the camera and more parenting and denying of treats like everyone having a game station on a giant wide screen tv in their bedroom and also at all the televisions in the house?"

I agree with this. Parents today have become wimps instead of parenting. Matt is not alone. Many parents complain that their kids won't help or that their kids spend too much time playing video games or too much time in their rooms.

Well, do something about it! Take away the video games. At the very least, put restrictions on it. No more than X amount of time or no video games between the hours of X and X.

Kids are too spoiled. The Roloffs have all the video games in their rooms, wide screen televisions, fridges...

M said...

great review yet again rap! :)

Seriosuly though why would Matt actually want Jacob to build a fort? The kids got a bad track record for hurting himself and now Matt wants him alone in the woods playing with power saws and other tools? The kids going to hurt himself and be laying there for hours before anyone even notices he's gone missing.

Also I agree with alot of you limited the video games! Take them away when he over uses them... It's not going to kill him.

Justin said...

Jeremy is such a crappy brother. Could he have sounded any more disgusted that Jacob's fort sucked?

If Jacob really did build that (and that's a big if considering that the Roloffs are in the business of deceiving to the public) instead of gleefully disparaging their 12 year old brother's fort, they would have found time to go out with him and give him some friendly pointers. Like "Oh, you have it that way, but I find that it works really good if you do it this way, then your fort is going to be really cool" (* I doubt that Jeremy was responsible for the trickier parts of his fort),

It's easy to see that criticism and ridicule is the norm from Jeremy.

Rap541 said...

Justin - thank you for pointing that out. I sure do remember Jeremy gettings lots of help on his fort and taking close to what... three years to build the shack. What did he have built at 13? Anything? And did Matt stand over it with a pissy look on his face and tell him it sucked?

Considering we saw Matt deal with the trickier parts of Jeremy's fort AND we saw Matt take that project over.... I find the criticism from the Golden Boy a tad obnoxious considering his own track record.

I actually think "Jacob's fort" might be the abandoned remennants of a fort we saw being built in one of the earlier seasons... I'd need to haul out dvds to be certain.

Brandon said...

I agree with both of you about Jeremy being a jerk with the fort building.

One of the little patterns I've seen traces of over the years that I think we only get a tiny glimpse of is Jeremy's habit of putting down Zach and Jacob to Matt. We've seen Jeremy do that to Zach before ("You gotta teach Zach a thing or two) and he was intent on making sure Matt knew how much Jacob's efforts are crap.

Here are some quotes. Jeremy is so full of himself it could make a person vomit! The only person that loves Jeremy as much as Matt does is Jeremy!

{talking about Jeremy's fort)

Matt: "That's a pretty cool fort to be honest with you."

Jeremy: "Dad, it's the coolest fort ever."

Matt: "It is a cool fort! Well, I've made some really cool forts when I was your age, so I'm not going to go the coolest fort ever, but I'm going to say it's up there."

Jeremy: "Just wait until I'm done"

Jeremy: "Look at this dock!"

Matt: "Love it!"

Jeremy: "This summer I finally decided I was going to make a big push to finish my swamp fort"

Matt: "We are going to have to help Jacob get his fort built."

Jeremy: Well lets go look at Jacob's fort. You can't even stand on it (rolling of the eye facial expression)

Matt: Your first for has to sort of be a kind of experiment

Jeremy: Yeah, but dad, as of right is...scary. We'll look at it.

Matt: Jacob has this standard of Jer, he thinks everything he does is going to be as good as what Jeremy has done. It must be tough trying to feel like you're accomplishing something when your older brother is always doing it somehow better.
At Jacob's fort

Matt: What has he got going back here?

Jeremy: Dad! Look at it! (Using a very dramatic tone of voice) That's so....Have you stepped on this??

Matt: I'm trying to think, what's the easiest way not to redo the whole thing?

Jeremy: And look at this. He needs a joist to this or else it's going to snap right out. That's where all the tension is.

Matt: Stand in the middle of that other one, let me see.

Jeremy: Ah, ohh, Ahh (standing on it and shaking the sides)

Matt: Yeah, he's going to need more...want to try and talk him into coming down here and we'll tell him we will spend 20 minutes with him.

Jeremy: Sure, yeah

Matt: 20 minutes (with us) and he will be well on his way.

Matt: If you're not going to help us, Jacob, we aren't going to do it.

Matt: (Frustrated expression) I try, try, try to get through to that kid."

Jeremy James Roloff = Douche Bag!

C1rca said...

This is probably where the comment Jake makes where he can win at games and not life. He has two jerks only caring about themselves instead of actually helping Jake out with things he enjoys. Who cares if he doesn't enjoy building forts like his 20 year old brother, that doesn't make him any less of a son. I'm starting to understand why Jake can be a "brat" he has to put up with that all the time

Vicky said...

More than Jeremy wearing cut off shorts to the Golf Tournament, I was surprised Amy didn't comment on Jeremy not wearing any socks. On the golf course he was in barefeet. He wasn't even wearing shoes.

True That said...

I was out done with how the way Jeremy was dress on the golf course it was very tacky and disrespectful to his mother Amy we have all seeing how good Jer Bear be dressing at times nice fine and preppy and old so sexy, but this goes to show you he does not care about no one but himself and his partner Jacob Mulluer all what Amy has done for him and his siblings he was the only one that look the way that he did. He knew all what his mom Amy was doing to prepare for the big evet even Zach knew how to dress at the golf course but not Jer I am more than shore Zach told him not to wear those cut off shorts with the hanging thread and no socks with the cavas shows to the golf course more than likely he told him wear slacks and socks and shoes like he did but Jer is so into himself and not caring to do as ask end the end he just made himself look stupid. That goes to show us it is only about Jer and Jer only and being with his partner Mulleur I bet if Mulluer would have attended Jer would not have be looking the way he did on the golf course which was a plum mess I just hope that the next time Amy plans a event such as the one she did she make sure that her 20yr old son dress accordingly and not embarrse her like he did Jer needs to act his age and make some sacrifices sometimes like his mom has done for him and stop being a Dick and be a young man and help out every once in the while even if you don't want to do it at least pretend and front we all have pretend to do or be some where we did not want to do or be that is part of life so get with the program Jer and stop being a jerk.

Jexter said...

I play golf and hate when people like Jeremy try to play cool in the field, and if you’re 20 and you don’t know how to dress for every occasion, you really have some mature issues...