Our next guest episode reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong solely to the person making them (Rap541).
Written by Rap541
So a quick lil recap. Amy was on the DAAA board. Matt declares himself the manager of the team. Important for later - Matt is the *manager* and pointedly states he is going to be involved in vetting the players (that’s choosing the players in case you didn’t know) and pretty much takes over. So we are all clear, Matt made a personal commitment to manage Zach’s team. Matt even uses his time involvement as a guilt point to Amy. Also a rewatch reveals the fact that Matt basically made promises to the sponsors before he got the ok from the DAAA that what he promised was ok.
Just to make it clear, Matt was adamantly committed to the team to the point that Amy had to resign from DAAA’s board. Because Matt was managing and taking a team to Ireland without DAAA support and was all about the team. One of the constant refrains here from Matt is “I’m taking the team to Ireland.“ Important for later. Also, Matt had no regrets over Amy losing her position due to his managing the teams.
Zach is invited down to the Portland Timbers field to do the first kick, because that’s totally normal for a average family. There’s even a gift of a personalized jersey.
Caryn and Matt work on the World Games stuff. Matt rehashes how he went independent. He thinks the drama is done and now the whole team is coming over for the training event. Matt is arranging for the best players in his opinion to get better bedding as everyone is staying at the house. Yeah this is a good idea. Nothing says “welcome to my home” like sleeping arrangements based on who the host thinks is the best player. Amy consults Zach on the dinner menu and wonders why Caryn is Matt’s new wife in the house. To be fair, Caryn seems helpful. Amy seems a tad “huh?” over the whole business. Zach and Troy get in the car and on their cell phones to bitch at Amy on her cell phone in her about how Matt has completely changed the training schedule. Amy wonders when Caryn became the senior wife. I’d like to point out how using a cell while driving is completely stupid.
So the Statesmen is basically a bunch of adults, most of whom were not on Zach’s team the Grasshogs, despite the rather misleading plea for sponsors citing Zach‘s team and the whole notion of sending young athletes to Ireland. Did I mention that some of these young athletes appear to be working adults? And actual movie stars? Who need sponsors… because they can’t afford it otherwise. And hmmm there’s an 18k shower and toilet and locker room built for a two day practice. Sure seems like there would have been less sponsor drama if people made different choices….Matt introduces himself as the team manager and sends for Amy. Matt chides Amy on camera in the hay bale for her lack of organization. More on this later. Matt gives a lecture on togetherness. Amy hay bales that Matt had a lot of rules etc that she assumed only she would be enforcing. Apparently the fridge is off limits but is not, for example. And maybe a training camp where people sleep on couches or the floor and have vague rules about getting into the fridge or not is a bit overly psycho. Point - I am a good sport, but if you’re inviting me into your home and I am sleeping on the floor , on bedding based on how you think I rack up to your other guests, and basically trapped on your land… I’m gonna be cranky if there’s a lot of rules about what I can and can’t eat. I was surprised Amy didn’t bitchslap Caryn.
Now Amy is scrimmaging the team. She gives a “we’re a team” lecture and notes the Portland Timbers are coming. Again. I’m guessing the Portland Timbers need money, and or just don’t have a lot to do with their time. Zach hay bales how each member of the dwarf team is awesome. Alex seems to be in his thirties, as do some of the other players. Amy hay bales how the testosterone and egos are out of hand and then Matt comes to talk to the team about sponsors. There’s a giant thing of red vines for snack, apparently, as Matt drones on about what each sponsor does. Zach saves the day by “having invited the Portland Timbers to practice”. Which is kinda um… I don’t even know how to go on. Because I just don’t believe that the Portland Timbers weren’t simply moving in. I mean, they also attended Jeremy and Zach’s graduation party. There’s lots of kicking and such. The Timbers coach of course praises them because there’s no way he says they suck in comparison to the pro team.
Adam and Zach and others jump in the pool and mess with Marty. There’s more pushing into the pool. This is a fairly extensive scene of “Marty is fun to fool with” stuff.
Caryn runs the house and Matt hay bales how the sponsors were coming to the farm. Molly is ordered about and Matt publicly calls out Amy on the cleaning again. Jake and Molly are made to clean. Amy seems annoyed in her hay bale. Matt’s office is a total pigsty. Matt is irritated and notes he is doing this all for Zach and could spit bullets at Amy.
Quick note - Jeremy James Jesus was in no way present for any cleaning chores and was not proudly offering to assist his dad. In fact, Jeremy James Jesus has been interestingly absent from any support role for this.
Caryn and Matt bitch about Amy. Jer makes his first appearance - holding a cell phone in the kitchen. Matt wants Amy to have the soccer practice when the sponsors arrive and is annoyed Molly was not forced to drudge about the house. I wonder why Jeremy wasn’t pressed to clean?
Amy adjusts the practice for Matt. Matt then calls her to make changes and Amy is annoyed that he’s checking up on the practices and changing stuff. Caryn leads the sponsors in. The team puts their jerseys on and there is much play for the sponsors. Matt has the team come meet the sponsors and its basically an ad. The team doesn’t actually look like a bunch of kids. There’s a giant check.
Caryn basically says they are cutting and running in a meeting in the office. Zach notes he wants Matt the manager to be there for the opening ceremonies as he is the contact point and Matt pointedly bails. Zach articulates quite well why this bothers him, because from a logistic standpoint, the manager is the person who makes the arrangements and organizes things so that the coach and team only have to worry about playing. Zach explains to Molly how Dad is ditching Molly and Jake and running off to play with Jeremy. Molly seems very annoyed. Zach notes “Dad’s crap.”. Matt is going somewhere in Europe alone, and seems to have sprung this on all of the kids as Molly seems rather surprised.
Caryn is wearing Matt’s jacket for the campfire and Amy leaves in annoyance. Matt has no idea what Zach is pouting about. I’m guessing no one explained “you insisted on being the team manager, ran rough shod over the whole process, potentially offended people Zach will need to deal with for the rest of his life if he wants to play sports, and now you’ve decided to dump your responsibilities.“? Amy calls Zach down and Matt snipes how Zach needs to be there. This is all so charmingly passive aggressive on everyone’s part. Matt for professing to have no idea why Zach is upset, Zach for pointedly regressing to five, and Amy for doing nothing. Oh, and no Jeremy James Jesus, at daddy’s side respecting his words, by the way. Zach hay bales how he’s disappointed and annoyed. There’s sparklers. Matt notes how comfortable he is ditching Zach as offering to be the manager and bailing is comparative to a child being thrown into a pool.
Matt notes he’s not going to Ireland with the family. It’s not a good use of his time. Nice. That’s just charming. Spending time with the family is not a good use of his time. He actually says this on camera. His family will be able to buy a dvd of Dad stating that spending time with them is not a good use of his time. How *charming*.
Amy asks what his plans are. Matt wants to take Jeremy and just fool around in Switzerland. Because he’s spent a day and a half with the family and that’s enough family time for him, and he’s the only one that matters. Amy is annoyed. She hay bales it wasn’t fair to Zach, the team or her, and the team will not have a team manager. Everyone remember Matt wanted that role, right?
The production team attempts to suggest the Roloffs weren’t in Europe for an extensive period, and then head to Ireland. There’s more rehashing of the DAAA issue. Molly and Jake goof. And then we have the nicest issue ever. Apparently no one bothered to organize whether Jake and Molly had beds to sleep in at the university having the event. Nice. Matt has his private time with Jeremy all nicely planned, and since its all last minute, has left his two crap children to sleep on the street since they aren’t as special as Jeremy. I’m betting Molly has this moment noted.
Ulster. Amy organizes a room at the university. It’s not a huge issue but really an added hassle, and really the hot issue is that Matt has made it very very clear where Molly and Jake are on his list of concerns. Pretty far down. There’s door issues. Molly and Jake goof more. Molly notes that Jeremy and Matt bailed because they were bored and going to Switzerland is more fun than supporting the family, and Jeremy and Matt will always choose fun over family. Oh she’s not angry. Not at all.
Jeremy is all “Switzerland is awesome”. No reference to his brother, no reference to any family drama. He’s having fun and doesn’t give a damn. Such empathy! God, it just breaks your heart seeing him lovingly showing all the athletes his incredible support for them. Because that’s what Jeremy is, all about supporting his brother no matter what!
Amy runs into her DAAA pals and is uncomfortable and wishes Matt were there to take some of the heat he created. I kinda wonder if Matt arranged his little side train trip expressly to *avoid* having to take the heat for the situation. I mean really…. Makes a lot of sense, when you think about it, doesn’t it? In fact I don’t wonder at all. I think Matt knew exactly what he did and didn’t want to do.
Amy notes in the team manager meeting that the US team manager was not there. Amy struggles with the scheduling. Amy is lost and alone! Meanwhile the Statesmen are roughhousing and running. Molly and Jake are taken shopping for the team. Basically a large pile of snacks, and basically their special time is assisting Zach and Zach’s friends. Lets see… Jake and Molly clean the house while Jeremy does nothing. Jake and Molly assist Amy in keeping the Statesmen slopped and watered at the World Games while Jeremy gets special treats from Daddy. Who wants to bet Jer-Bear is held up for his deigning to watch a game? Amy has a meeting and is unsure what sports everyone is doing and what needs to be registered and people could have been disqualified. Molly and Jake play. Amy notes Matt is off goofing.
Matt is all “we’re having a ball”, which confirms Amy‘s comments. Matt notes how he just doesn’t care what’s happening with the team he’s managing. He’s having fun!
Oooh Irish dancing. There’s tons of dwarfs and food, and Zach is all “new people woo! And also ohnoes!”. The team begins to plot scoring ladies. Bill and Adam are off to find chicks. Zach wanders off and then is chatting up nice looking ladies. Its cute. Amy hay bales how its sweet but she fears messing stuff up bad.
There’s Scottish pipes for the opening ceremony. The games are opened without much fan fare. Zach notes that he is a bit disappointed Matt bailed. Amy also seems sad at how it went down.
Meanwhile day three of the Swiss thing. Jeremy is all about how he want to see the team play and yet doesn’t seem to understand that its not actually supporting the team if he willfully chooses to not be there.
There’s angry table tennis. Amy runs around like a maniac organizing the athletes. Marty is with her at times. Matt calls Zach. Zach notes to Dad how utterly busy Mom is. Amy gets on and they talk and Amy seems annoyed that Matt is yelling at her over the cell over her not responding to him. She apparently had cell difficulties.
So there’s awards already, and suddenly Jake helps his dad push the scooter. Where was Jeremy James Jesus while this was happening? I thought only Jeremy loved his dad and that Jake not once ever did a thing to assist his dad? Zach is annoyed. Matt is all “my job is to stay out of the way” and basically do nothing.
Now we’re off to boccia and Amy is playing with matt in the singles tournament. Zach brags up mom and notes that dad hasn’t shown up. Amy has to rush to find a replacement. She ends up playing with Chris. They hug and kiss and exchange rings and oh wait, that didn’t happen. Amy and Chris do well. Matt finally shows up as the gold medal match between Chris and Amy. Matt notes that his Swiss adventure tired him out so much that he just couldn’t participate in a game that involves sitting. Matt notes how awesome it was that he bailed on Amy.
Wow. This was like an ode to family dysfunction.