Our next guest reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong to the person making them ( Rap541).
Written by Rap541
So my review will be late as I am attending Dragoncon this year and won't be home until Tuesday but lets have a look at the previews shall we?
Matt's worried about his health? Didn't he need back surgery "within six months" like... years ago? And how much recovery does one need from vertigo? Especially considering we know Matt was traipsing around Switzerland with Jeremy while the team he was managing was playing at the World Dwarf Games? Amy obese? She seems fine but...
Oh, here's a spinoff opportunity. Roloff Hoarding! Who wants to bet Matt wants to sell everyone's stuff, and sets up the sale without consulting anyone, and then wonders why everyone is annoyed? And who wants to bet the kids do next to nothing since Amy will fight Matt over it and then right at the end, the sale is a complete success?
Lets watch and see :)
Yay! I am back from Dragoncon! Oh I met Marty, and Brandon? I got you an autograph! Let Spirit know how to put me in touch with you :D
So we get a recap of Matt’s fake heart attack. And really, I know Matt is now blaming the “stacking” of scenes to where he was shown repeatedly clutching his arm, but honestly, I think the reason people thought he was dying last season wasn’t the arm clutching - though in fairness it helped, but the running monologue of how Matt thought he would soon be dead and Amy wouldn’t miss him and he wanted his ashes in specific places. They like to say on Twop, they can’t edit what you don’t say… just something to think about there, Matt.
Interesting to note, I actually spotted a crew guy. Also, this still seems really staged. As in, I think it happened, and then was restaged. The reactions of everyone, including the crew, are odd considering there’s an unconscious man on the floor.
Oh credits are slightly different. Not huge changes.
So we’re still on Matt on the floor. Amy calls it a major collapse. She notes he was unconscious. We get a few more minutes of the collapse scene where Matt comes around and Amy hay bales how worried she was. I have to be honest, I am finding it hard to believe an ambulance wasn’t called because really….
Matt hay bales how it was vertigo. In the scene Amy notes its good he didn’t hit his head during his extended collapse on the floor. In fairness she seems more concerned in this scene but still. Amy hay bales how Matt is living the “eat badly, have high stress, no exercise lifestyle” as she leads him off to bed. No one even suggests “hey, you were unconscious on the ground for no apparent reason, maybe now is a good time to go to the hospital”.
Now we have Matt heading to the doctor sometime later, while he voices over that he’s concerned about his health. Matt muses on whether this is yet another dwarfism issue. It’s not - average height people have vertigo all of the time. However what I find interesting is that there’s really no way to peg when this doctor visit occurred. In fact in this doctor interview he refers to the serious collapse happening “one time at the peak of how bad it was” which suggests this visit was some time later. This isn’t terribly important except that while we’re getting an entire episode about Matt’s serious health concerns, he was unconscious, he didn’t go to the hospital, and he didn’t see a doctor right away. Urgent care will see you pretty quick, so will the ER. The doctor asks doctor questions and Matt interestingly says he was not unconscious. As the doctor runs tests, Matt hay bales how he’s just incredible and living two lives by the age of 20 and is so incredibly fantastic.
The doctor returns and says its not a tumor. Hee. She describes vertigo. Matt also describes vertigo. Matt hay bales about how his test results are serious and its life or death as he’s now at risk for a heart attack.
Amy meets with a personal trainer. She does the dunk test for body fat. I am not surprised she comes up as obese. She seems really shaken by the results. Like horrified. She talks to the camera about how fat she is and then hay bales about it as well.
So Amy arrives and announces that she is obese to Molly. Clinically obese. Molly notes that it seems common among dwarfs. Molly hay bales about how achon dwarfs have butts. Now we get an extended discussion of dwarf butts and how adorable it is.
Matt goes to the physical therapist for stretching. He describes some sort of traction when he was fifteen which is what he considers to be part of the problem. He hay bales how awful it was and how he quit therapy at that point. He says they shouldn’t have experimented on him. I feel for him, but I really have to ask some questions. Where were his parents when he was being used as an experimental test subject? (he says he was fifteen at one point, not old enough to sign off on these things) What *was* his level of mobility before the surgeries? And what is the opinion of medical professionals concerning his case? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s pretty obvious Matt has a condition that causes him pain and is degenerative and he had a lot of painful surgeries. At the same time, he also says he doesn’t know or remember how many surgeries were done or what they were for. So, forgive me, but perhaps Matt’s memory of evil doctors being allowed to experiment on him for no reason other than because they could and he was there to be victimized isn’t necessarily what happened.
So Matt stretches. Amy hay bales how Matt is different from her. Amy trains and hay bales how she has always been self conscious of how she looks. In fairness, aren’t we all? Deep down I mean? I wonder if Amy realizes that average height women feel the same way. Oh look, Amy is vomiting and her trainer is just about applauding. So he’s *that* kind of trainer. Hee hee. He’s all “NIIIICE”.
More training. Amy collapsed, crying on the grass. The kids watch. Now we basically have an 80’s film sports montage. Eye of the Tiger plays as Matt swims and Amy runs. Matt wants to do some crazy physical challenge. Again, interesting time note - this is an entire year after Matt’s collapse but there’s no hint at all as to the time frame in the show.
Zach showing some good sense says he would never go sky diving. I would say, having done it, that its not a crazy physical challenge, just risky. Personally I didn’t like it, but then I hate to fly. I mean, I was on the plane to Atlanta introducing myself to the flight attendant as “I’m going to be the passenger that periodically asks you if that sound is normal and is the pilot sober”. (The flight attendant, amusingly, came by after a bout of turbulence and said “Don’t worry, we straightened out once I got him a beer”).
Anyway, Amy seems annoyed with Matt’s lifestyle choices. She hay bales about how he’s in no shape to jump out of an aircraft. Her argument is that he’ll die of a heart attack. Actually, Amy does look thinner in this.
So as is typical for all jumpers, Matt and Jeremy’s first jump will be with the elite US Army Golden Knights. I mean that’s a typical thing for a regular family. (And hey, did the Golden Knights really get all that much of a direct mention in this? And did that footage that needed to be “edited” ever get put back on line?)
Jeremy notes he is excited. The lil beard is sorta amusing.
And they jump. There’s really not a lot to recap here. Looked cool. Jeremy smacked his tail bone. Oh a mention of the Golden Knights right at the end.
So we get an extended view of the pig sty. Zach can’t find his keys. He’s wearing a RockStar t-shirt. I’d really love to know what RockStar feels about their lack of product placement.
I also note that its very easy to tell which rooms of the house that the housekeeper cleans.. Out of no where Matt yells out about the sock phenomena whereby he never has matching socks. Everyone else notes they have the same problem. I bet it is ghosts doing this. Lets call the Scoobie Squad! Anyway Matt and Amy have a surprisingly affectionate moment. Over the socks. Amy cheerfully calls it BS.
Matt is still harping on the socks. He hay bales about how the real problem is that the house is completely disorganized and of course it is all Amy’s fault as she is a slattern. Matt of course presents himself as the problem solver. He decides to have a garage sale. In all honesty, I really don’t see that helping all that much. We are treated to several lovely scenes of the messy house.
Matt of course does not want to plan the garage sale, he wants it down in a week. Jeremy helps with the computer stuff and rolls his eyes noting that it will be “more work for Jer”. Poor baby.
Next up, Matt riding the Mule, will all the kids but Jeremy Jesus Who Is Always Behind Matt, and hay bales about decluttering. He’s touring one of the storage areas talking about selling a door, a stove… This isn’t the house at all, which makes me wonder why it’s all Amy’s fault. Camerino notes that its all his. Matt goes on and on about how he throws stuff out and buys new. He calls Amy a hoarder. He notes that Amy’s basement is an entire sale in itself (as opposed to his barn loaded up with items Camerino says are his that he’s apparently been storing or “hoarding” for some time).
Amy gets weepy over her VHS tapes. She does seem to have fond memories of every item. She makes a joke about a picture of her and Matt being taken when they still liked each other. She has a lot of stuff in the basement but it does seem to mostly be in plastic crates. Not the heaps of crap everywhere in the rest of the house which makes me think she doesn’t go down there very often.
Now we’re at the laundry room. Molly seems annoyed with Mom’s hoarding. The laundry room seems very very full of clothes and plastic bins. Molly interviews outside her bedroom door and I am amused to see that it appears to be as messy as the boys. She notes that her mother throws away nothing. Amy continues to get sentimental over every item and notes that as an older person, she has more memories than Molly. There’s stuff everywhere. Molly hides in her messy room.
Amy runs up the stuff filled stairs. Rocky is on Jake’s bed looking very gray at the muzzle. Poor fella.
Jake’s room, like Zach and Jeremy’s, and Molly’s, is loaded up with crap everywhere in plastic bins. He’s using a lap top on a clean space on the floor. There’s candy wrappers everywhere. Amy, instead of being a parent, cajoles Jake into helping with the garage sale by attempting to bribe him. Basically she offers to clean his closet…. Really Amy? My mom would have grounded me until the room was clean and you have three older kids living in filth as indicators that this sort of discipline doesn’t work….
They do seem sweet though. Jake notes that if if he ignores his mom, she’ll basically forget and leave him alone. Yeah, that’s about right. Also fairly insightful on his part. Amy playfully slaps him in the face and runs off giggling. Yeah, this is how to raise kids.
Sven wanders in. He and Amy discuss the sale and Sven is worried/annoyed about the three day time frame. They look at the open shack that is filled with furniture. Sven notes that most people garage sale for knickknacks, which I don’t entirely agree with but he has a point. He notes that one item, the stove, is filthy, and that I do agree with, and he thinks its unlikely to sell. They have a LOT of furniture items.
Amy calls it a cleansing. Sven mocks Amy’s bible collection and tries to get her to sell some toys. Amy says no, that they are boy toys, and Sven is amused at her word choice. For the first time ever we see a shelf of books in the Roloff home. In the basement. There’s also a sad box labeled “college info” down there. Again I note that the basement seems much more organized and neat than the children’s bedrooms.
Amy hay bales how attached she is to all her stuff. Sven takes things and Amy takes them back. Matt meanwhile has decided to dump all the work on Amy for the garage sale he earlier insisted that he wanted to do. He’s leaving for three days and notes to the camera that he has low expectations of what will happen while he is gone. You know, Matt, if the garage sale is so important, perhaps you should do it yourself, and make the time to organize it, instead of deciding to do it, giving everyone a week, and then bailing on all the work and whining passive aggressively on how it won’t get done to your standards. After all, I am guessing three days earlier when the “in one week” decision was made, that Matt had some idea that he was going away on a three day trip…
Amy notes that this is Matt’s MO. Sven seems aware of the issue as well. Jeremy and Mueller and Zach clean things. They note that its mostly trash. Zach numbly spray hoses a card board box. Zach whines about how cleaning sucks.
Oddly in the middle of this episode, suddenly it’s the twins birthday. Amy gives them Bluetooth stuff.
Is this their 19th or 20th birthday? And I think Molly got one too. Amy says its their 20th. Amy is nonplussed that the twins are morons who can’t function as adults and use their cell phones. She voices over on how incapable they are.
Ah yes, there’s work to be done so the twins need wakey wakey. After all, they are 20 year old boys who need play! The twins still seem to live in a pigsty. Oh jeez Sven has to wake the twins up? I can’t wait until the Wondertwins have to work for someone other than Daddy Matt’s lackeys and realize that they gotta be big boys and get up all by themselves instead of having Daddy’s lackeys do everything for them.
Jeremy notes how he was not in the mood to work on Daddy Matt’s garage sale. That’s right, Jeremy Jesus did not say “I am always ready to help my beloved father in all things”. He said he wasn’t in the mood. In fact Sven seems to be the one doing all the work (and I consider supervising the wonder twins on needing wakey ups a chore). Sven is very excited to find old Tonka trucks. Amy is still twitching in horror over giving up her VHS tapes. Sven notes that Matt has abandoned the project and he anticipates a lot of drama.
Cue the thunder.
Amy seems surprised that it’s raining in Oregon.
Matt returns and looks about the set up. He notes that he is wondering if Amy could possibly have managed. Yeah, after all Matt would have done a much better job but somehow managed to schedule his garage sale for when he was away…. So all he has to do is bitch and moan. Nice. He bitches and moans about what got accomplished. He is annoyed that *his* things are being put out for sale. Sven is annoyed.
Amy notes that Matt is basically acting the way he chides them for. Amy is amused that the family is ALL hoarders. I’m wondering if they will get their spin off to TLC’s Hoarder show after all.
Amy makes a cake for the twins 20th birthday. Amy notes they are slackers who may never leave the house. Oddly she doesn’t actually say this to the twins, who could benefit from hearing it. Jeremy wants everyone to just eat the cake off the cake plate like a bunch of animals as “a 20 year old thing”. He’s the mannerly one, isn’t he?
It’s the day of the garage sale and Amy is making the slackers breakfast. She also notes that she got stuck with all the work despite it not even being her project. Amy sells stuff. Matt sends people to Amy for prices and condescending notes how he knew Amy would have a hard time but that it was good for her. Nice.
There’s a sales montage. Then some haggling over a chipper. Sven yells at Amy’s haggling. Jeremy thinks its awful that she sold it for 30 but Amy notes that Jeremy didn’t offer his expertise until after the sale.
And they made sixteen hundred dollars. Amy seems to have gotten some sort of spiritual joy out of the whole business. They got rid of two thirds of the stuff that made it out to the sale. I suspect we won’t see an appreciably neater house though. Matt hay bales how hard it was and how proud he was of Amy for not sucking the way he assumed she would.
You know, honestly, both of these episodes were pretty dull.