Monday, September 27, 2010

Guest Episode Roloff Review by Rap541: Little People, Big World September 27

Our guest episode reviewer is Rap541.

Written by Rap541


"Matt's Massacre
Matt feeds his Hollywood dreams and organizes a local cast and crew - including Jeremy - and attempts to make a movie about a spooky pumpkin farm."

God. really?

So Matt wants to outdo "Manos - The Hands of Fate"? I really *pray* he airs this, I really do. :) I mean, wow, this doesn't sound self indulgent in the slightest. I think my biggest question is whether the movie was completed, how much money Matt blew on this particular project, and how, in Matt's mind, this film will somehow help the farm?


New episode

So we star with Matt screaming lights camera action! Apparently one of Matt’s lifelong dreams is to make a slasher film. About a pumpkin farmer. Who kills his customers and uses their bodies to fertilize giant pumpkins. We see someone being filmed as the killer at night.

Not exactly “Ben-Hur”, huh?

Flashback? Edward a local filmmaker comes in. Matt explains the story. A pumpkin farmer growing giant pumpkins and no one knows how and people are mystified. Eh, ok.(I actually pieced together the plot as the show progressed but the story wasn’t actually outlined.)Matt notes he has complete control over the farm, and will film on the farm, and during pumpkin season no less. Of course. That’s convenient.

FYI - TLC? Lil hint here, for your next show since LPBW is already done - if you genuinely want to suggest that a particular time of year is super busy and your star needs to be super attentive to his business during that time - perhaps it’s not wise to show the star pretty much ignoring his business to do a fun play time project.

Apparently there’s a script and now there’s a crew, and a very tight budget. They’re only shooting for two days and Matt’s all “lets go now!”. I bet the local filmmaker would tell a much different tale about this film project.

ONE DAY before filming! There’s a storm coming! Not only will Matt lose money in pumpkin sales but also in filming! I’d care more if we weren’t watching money being thrown down a well. So we have the local acting talent show up and hanging in the garage. Caryn yells at people to get with her to film stuff in the patch. People get yelled at by film crew for wandering in the patch. Caryn is pissed. Matt had no idea. Matt on the Mule notes how chaosy (yeah, that’s apparently a word) it is. Matt notes that the scene being filmed is awesome. He pretty much yells through the whole thing. (Let it not be said I know nothing about filming. I’m snarking on his bossy ways, not that he’s speaking…)

So now its night, and raining. Matt is yelling about where to film. Zach notes that it’s a train wreck. They’re filming a tow truck scene. The music btw in this episode is hilarious. Matt notes how totally sore he is and how he is breaking down. So of course the tow truck doesn’t start! DUNDUNDUN!

Commercial! Sister Wives! American Chopper! More Duggars! Is Michelle knocked up yet? Because really, 19 is such an awkward number.

So now we’re still fixing the truck, and Matt is “fading fast”. So the scene is filmed. But Matt is considering not continuing! It’s a crisis! He’s out of money! Now more filming! There’s only one take! Farmer Joe the Murderer does look evil.
I’m curious if anyone has considered the moral ramifications a Christian making a movie with an obviously Satanic theme… I mean we didn’t’ get a lot of the plot but really, murder with a shovel? The golden boy used as fertilizer for breeding giant, probably evil pumpkins?

ALL THE CASH REGISTERS ARE DOWN! Caryn calls Matt, Matt refuses to give a damn and seems to ignore the crisis. That certainly is one way to run a farm business. Jeremy meanwhile is looking for something suitable to wear as the “arrogant guy“. Amy seems annoyed that Matt’s basically playing during pumpkin season. Molly thinks Matt got in over his head. She also seems annoyed by the project. Now we have a series of scenes of Matt explaining to Jeremy how to act arrogant. As I watch this, I realize how unpleasant it must be to work for Matt.

Filming Jer in hot red pants…. I hope he’s not planning a career in acting. Oh, he’s not terrible, just pretty much exactly what he is, a twenty something guy doing a goofy home movie and hamming it up.

Meanwhile the paying customers are unable to park. Matt notes he’s still filming, but the line is backed up to the freeway. He chooses to film the movie since you know… its just his livelihood and all.

Really, if they have been having the huge crowds for how many years, it really does say something about the general competence of the farm staff that *every year* parking is an issue.

So we’re still in parking hell. Apparently they’ve shut the gates and they’re allowing walk ins. I don’t really see how that solves the problem. So more of the creepy farmer and Jeremy in hotpants. Jeremy hay bales how Matt was probably disappointed in how the movie was going. Jeremy is then hit in the head repeatedly with a shovel by the creepy farmer and then buried. Heh Matt called Jeremy “Jacob”. Matt hay bales how he may not have enough footage!

MONTHS LATER, Matt has the boys wander in. Jeremy is all fuzzy chinned. They watch “the pumpkin movie”. I swear to god the music for this episode is utterly hilarious. I mean, the whole cheesy horror thing is awesome. And was that a wiff of “Torgo’s Theme”?

The farmer has a gun? Matt is screening the movie. Jeremy’s pants are so bright…. I’m blinded by his red buttocks. In fairness to Jeremy, he notes that his acting talent was not right for the movie. I am kinda curious how long it actually runs. Jeremy notes that the ending was good because the beginning set up the ending. Matt drones on and one about turning his vision into reality.

This was an interesting peek into Matt’s psyche.


Expressed said...

I just saw the tv preview...will Matt's scary movie turn into a horrifying nightmare?

What kind if plot is this for a reality show? Strange. I'd much rather hear about Jeremy is 20 girlfriends everybody hints at!

Shadow said...

Maybe this was a precursor to the real horror for local pumpkin farmers this year:

Now Matt won't even be able to fake it by buying his pumpkins from other local farmers. I crack up every time I think of all those silly, deluded people wandering around clutching a "Roloff" pumpkin and dreaming of how Jeremy might have touched this very pumpkin seed with his ownest hands (that one's for you, Expressed, with much love, LOL...) Wonder how all those people felt when they watched the show and learned the TRUTH - that they could've spent half as much, not wasted an entire day, and bought the darn thing at a local grocery store.

Brandon said...

"Jeremy’s pants are so bright…. I’m blinded by his red buttocks"

LOL! Great job, Rap!

Jeremy's acting talent was not right for *that* film? Jeremy has any acting talent? Or does lying about life and pretending to be a sweet respectful Christian kid count as his acting talent?

Ashley said...

I didn't notice the music to be honest. I'll forgive Matt for mixing up the names Jeremy and Jacob. My parents did that all the time and my sister and I didn't even have the same first letter.

I didn't think Matt was too terribly bossy. Directors do need to bark orders at people.

Judy said...

I thought it was a clever way to open up acting possibilities for Jeremy if he chooses to pursue that road.

Greg said...

Matt knows how to make his Golden Boy's out of control ego even worse. Have him star in a movie!

Deb said...

I think the whole episode was a way for Matt to showcase Jeremy to Hollywood.

Timothy said...

Question? How was Matt the director when the other guy was clearly directing and in charge?

M said...

Thouse red pants are hidious! WTF was he thinking?

I personally thought it was an ehh episode at best.
Matt really wasn't directing the other guy was. If he wants to be a "director" so bad why would he complain so much? Nobodys going to hire a director who's "faiding fast" and not sure he got all the shots he's going to need.

I don't see the point of the movie. Is he showing it at pumpkin season? 10 dollars a ticket?
If you add up all the pay attractions, pumpkins, merch and parking that trip to the farm is already kinda pricey to a family.

I hope the Roloffs are saving their pumpkin season money this year. Who knows how long the crowds will last after the show ends.

Esme said...

Why Matt and the TLC network just didn't wait to air this particular show during the week of October 25 since it is about making a scary movie so that it could go inside with Halloween, poor Matt and TLC.

Since when has Matt allowed his Assisant Caryn run his family own Pumpking Patch and who in the hell she is suppose to be given out orders in such a ugly horrible way to the movie crew and the Pumpkin Patch guest.

Then Caryn also had the nerve to have attitude and be bossy to Matt. I cannot stand Caryn she is such a total Bossy B*tch. She acts like she is Matt's wife at times and not Amy. She needs to get a grip with reality and tone it down a notch.

Rap541 said...

Honestly Caryn is probably the one salvaging the business at this point, Esme. Say you're running a business and you have a film crew telling pumpkin patch guests to get out of their way.... If this movie was a geniune potential money maker and not Matt's indulgence of the week, I could see letting it pass, but in reality, its the pumpkin patch that makes the money.

If this film was supposed to open up acting opportunities for Jeremy.... I don't know... His performance was pretty laughable and he was pretty clearly not intently focusing on his acting career. :)

Don't get me wrong - I didn't see him as horrible, I just don't see how being the star of Daddy Matt's vanity horror flick is going to open doors. I didn't get "arrogant" from his performance, I got "mentally challenged" from the diologue and bright red pants, and hugging the giant pumpkin.

Jocelynn said...

Well, he's not oscar worthy, but I thought Jeremy did alright in the first scene, but the other one when he ran up to the giant pumpkin and had that voice...that was bad.

I agree with Expressed. It was a very odd episode. I get the feeling sometimes the Roloffs and their producer friend have agreed not to film anything personal. Instead of it being even part reality, they do those crazy plots. Was there anything last night that was personal about the Roloffs? I don't think so. I think that's how the Roloffs want it and the producers long ago crossed the line from being professional to being buddies with the Roloffs. I think the producers aim to please the Roloffs instead of getting interesting episodes.

I wouldn't hire those producers or crew for any reality show or any documentary. They don't know how to be professional.

Timothy said...

Honestly I felt embarrassed watching it. It was childish. Childish with a violent plot, but childish.

I think Amy and Zach felt the whole thing was stupid. I agree.

What are they going to do with that? Are they seriously trying to get that "movie" distributed by legitimate company? Was it just to showcase Jeremy?

Are they going to play it at pumpkin season and charge people to watch it? I thought I read that somewhere, but I don't think that will work. I'm sure the Roloffs have thought about that idea since they're all about money, but there are too many little kids that go to the farm. Seeing Jeremy get murdered won't please many parents.

Was it just to filler for a LPBW episode because they have no other ideas?

It's not hard to see why this show is biting the dust soon.

mythoughtis said...

Becky ran the pumpkin patch when she was Matt's assistant, so Caryn is no different. She has reasons to be annoyed with Matt. Matt had her give the speech in which she expressly told the film crew NOT to go to the pumpkin patch without checking with her.

NOte: the story was about a murderous pumpkin farmer... not a Satanist.

JustSayin' said...

Matt's movie was based on a campfire story he's been telling his kids for years. No offense Rap and others, but I think you left that detail out. That's most likely why Matt seemed to be a 2nd director--he was the one who came up with the story, so he wanted to make sure it was as close to his story as possible.
For those of you who think that the Roloffs "act" for pretty much their entire show, I offer you this episode as evidence against that. Jeremy really wasn't such a great actor, and people seem to think the he and the family are acting all the time? It doesn't quite add up for me.

Christine said...

JustSayin, what doesn't add up? I think the family is fake on camera because they aren't their trueselves.

In this internet age, if you devote just a bit of time to it if you care in the least, it hasn't been hard to find out what Jeremy and his friends are really like in real life and it's not the way they are on the show.

It's being fake, maybe acting isn't the right word, but they can be fake in front of the camera and that's different than pretending to be killed by a pumpkin farmer.

Rap541 said...

"Well, he's not oscar worthy, but I thought Jeremy did alright in the first scene, but the other one when he ran up to the giant pumpkin and had that voice...that was bad."

You know, Jocelynn, I agree. That first scene was fine, the one where he ran up to the pumpkin was a hot mess.

Jim Beem said...

Did anyone notice Jeremy drop the cigarette butt when he got out of the car during his scene in the movie? He clearly threw it down when he was filmed getting out of the car, and the close up of the ground later on during the screening confirms it was a cigarette butt. I presume the cigarette was an effort to be "in character," and I was impressed by that little acting touch. Perhaps it was an ad lib by Jeremy?

Rap541 said...

Or perhaps he smokes?

If it was an ad lib, it was kind of a dumb move considering how Hollywood has turned against casual smoking in film. I mean, if this lil project was "Matt showcasing Jeremy for Hollywood" then it was a bad move.

Considering the blinding red pants, and the hammy acting, its hard to believe the cigerette moment was Jeremy having a critical thought... especially considering the public censure against smoking.

Feels more like Jeremy dropped a cig, all things considered.

Christine said...

Jeremy does smoke. Remember one of the episodes when Matt and Amy went away. One of the rules on the list when they zoomed in on it was "No smoking in the house".

I think almost everybody that isn't naive and knows how to use the internet knows that Jeremy smokes and drinks and does all the things he says he doesn't do.

Jim Beem said...

I seems odd that Jeremy would be smoking in the middle of a scene or in that nice car. I don't know that he smokes cigarettes, much less out in the open like that. Seems like the cigarette butt was just a prop. It's curious, though, because as Rap points out, smoking is not nearly as common in the movies anymore. So why go to the trouble of buying cigarettes just to use one as a prop? Makes me think Jeremy put some real thought and effort into the acting, and that is impressive.

Brandon said...

I'm not a Jeremy fan obviously! But I agree with Jim about the cigarette.

I would guess that Jeremy probably does smoke in real life, but for that scene I think it was a prop.

He was supposed to be playing an arrogant angry customer.

How do you make someone look arrogant and angry? Have them jump out of the car, throw something down (a cigarette), rush over to the clerk and demand stuff.

I think that's what that scene was supposed to be and what Jeremy was trying to play. An angry guy, so he gets out of the car and throws a cigarette down.

Rap541 said...

Or that Jeremy smokes.

I mean, occam's razor and all. Why would Jeremy choose to intentionally ad lib smoking when it is no longer common and no longer considered very socially acceptable?

Because he smokes? Makes me think Jeremy was just having a cig... I mean, no one is arguing Jeremy isn't old enough to smoke or anything. Since we know Jeremy drinks (see a variety of tlc episodes and his own words) why would he not be smoking?

I don't like it, but really, who seriously thinks Matt or Amy would ever put a stop to Jeremy smoking?

Jim - I ask this seriously - what do you think was so impressive? It was a cute little home movie but acting was clearly not Jeremy's talent. I mean, he threw a cigerette butt down... its not exactly an Oscar moment.

Judy B said...

Jim Beem, well said. Everything an actor does in a movie is talked about and planned. He wouldn't just happen to have a smoke and have that in the scene if the director didn't tell him to.

I would be very surprised if Jeremy smokes. I think of Jeremy as being health conscious. A young man that is into working out and taking care of his body. Maybe he does smoke, I don't know, but I would be surprised.

Rap541 said...

"Everything an actor does in a movie is talked about and planned. He wouldn't just happen to have a smoke and have that in the scene if the director didn't tell him to."

But you and Jim really have no idea if it was Jeremy's idea at all, and are heaping praise on him for it.

Remember the pedestal? That Jeremy's every action gets set up on? P'raps Jeremy deserves a lifetime achievement oscar now? I mean dear god he threw a cigerette butt down... Did you weep from the emotions he brought out?

The problem is that as usual, there's several reasonable theories as to what went down....

1. He thought of it himself.
2. The director and or Matt thought of it and told him to do it.
3. He actually smokes and it was an afterthought.

I see no evidence that number one is wrong, but I also see utterly no evidence that number 2 or 3 are wrong.

Meanwhile, this was filmed in 2009... has Jeremy been pursuing his dream of acting? Or is he still working on being a pilot/underwater welder/photographer/pro soccer player/race car driver/astronaut/senator?

Jim Beem said...

Rap, I appreciate the humor in your post. But to clarify, I found Jeremy's ad lib with the cigarette impressive because it reflected thoughtfulness and creativity. You are right, I do not know for certain if it was his idea, but I think of your three choices that is the most likely. Just call it a hunch. I think there is really no way that he is a smoker and it was an afterthought - if he was that much of a smoker, don't you think we would have seen evidence of it in the pictures fans take during pumpkin season?

In any event, I think it is only fair to give Jeremy credit when he deserves it. In this case, I am just giving him a modicum of credit, not arguing that he be nominated for an Oscar. The answer to some folks putting him on a "pedestal" or heaping too much praise on him, as you perceive it, should not be to deny him even the credit he does deserve.

Expressed said...

For what it's worth, I think the most likely scenario is that it was the directors idea. I agree with Brandon's reasoning.

If anybody put a lot of thought into it, it was lost on me because I didn't notice it. lol. Although I do miss little things like that because I'm thinking of what I'm writing for a review.

Jeremy might not smoke cigs, but he might smoke something else :) The people Jeremy hangs out with aren't any different than most college kids and most drink and smoke at parties. The only reason why people find it hard to believe is because of the ridiculous family friendly Disney esque image the Roloffs on the show and in their books and interviews.

Christine is right. It's not hard to find out if you know how to use the internet. I've seen Jeremy's college friends. They talk about pot. They have pictures at drinking parties. You know normal things 20 year olds do...

Maybe some people can believe that all these people Jeremy hangs out with stop doing all that stuff once they get in Jeremy's presence, but I can't believe that without laughing.

Jeremy is a normal 20 year old, not a substance and smoke free saint despite what some marketing exec from TLC or Matt thought would be good for $$$.

Rap541 said...

"The answer to some folks putting him on a "pedestal" or heaping too much praise on him, as you perceive it, should not be to deny him even the credit he does deserve."

Except that you've already conceded you have no idea if Jeremy thought up "the ad lib" on his own, or even put any thought into the moment. I mean, I am open to an interview from Jeremy describing his deep thoughts about the role.

I can tell you don't like the pedestal arguement... so how do you feel about various people proclaiming this film to be an attempt to showcase Jeremy's acting talent?

Willing to commit to saying you think he could make a living acting? I mean, really now, Jim, if I just accepted every bit of praise Jeremy was given was an absolute truth, then I would have to believe that Jeremy is the only child Matt Roloff is proud of, or respects, and that Jeremy will be a pilot, will attend Wharton, will play pro soccer, will model, will restore classic cars, will be a yacht captain, an under welder, an incredibly talented photographer and of course, he never sullies his body with alcohol, and is always proud to stand at matt's side, never back talking, always fully supporting Matt, always giving up his time to gently tend Matt's needs.... If I believe everything I've heard, all the accomplishments that Molly, Jake and Zach have are due entirely to Jeremy so all praise they get should *really* be given to Jeremy as he is the sum and total and the other three are Matt's crap children who all need to be more like Jeremy as Matt as a father has the right to only love children like Jeremy.

Sorry. No. I think Jeremy is exactly what we see on screen. A nice enough guy with little motivation to do anything other than goof around, and a bit spoiled because his parents want to be his buddy. He has yet to show any real dedication or motivation or resilency in sticking to anything. He's immature and lazy, mostly because he's allowed to be.

He participates in a cheesy (and to be fair, probably funny) home movie project and now he's being cooed over for his talent? Come on.

Re: Smoking - quite frankly, if my brother and sister can successfully smoke a pack a day while living as teenagers in my parents home without my parents, who frankly were not anywhere nearly as permissive and lackadaisical as Matt and Amy.... then yeah, I think Jeremy could successfully hide smoking as well. Frankly, the Roloffs don't seem the sort to really have a problem with it. And Jeremy isn't a child... if he wants a cigerette on the farm , so what?

Diane said...


"I think Jeremy is exactly what we see on screen. A nice enough guy"


I think you're totally wrong. I think Jeremy is a total douche bag when he is being the real Jeremy Roloff and isn't putting on his public act.

The guy that hangs with Mueller and tells his fans that they are losers and calls them ugly b*tches.

Rap541 said...

Diane - in fairness, I'm just making the point that he's not actually Jesus Christ, he's a person with flaws and foibles. I am well aware that he's not especially nice to fans and that goes to why I think he's immature, but he's also not Satan. He's a thoughtless, often selfish guy with little to no empathy for others... but I'm also pretty positive he's not a serial murderer.

Tho, that is partly because I don't think he's bright enough to not get caught. ;)