The guest review is Rap541.
Written by Rap541
Anyone watching The Walking Dead? Because I had this amusing thought about how long the farm would last. And the commercials for this show sound so ominous, with that final shot of the family entering the barn… perhaps the barn of HORROR? Dun dun DUUUUNNNN!
Anyway, Matt and Amy start with arguments about food. Amy is letting her trainer throw stuff out. Matt wants all the stuff he likes left. Matt has no problem with things he doesn’t like leaving, but he must defend his food. Isn’t he diabetic? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a little irritating when one person decides to radically change the household food plan but really, Matt’s diabetic. It sure seems like there’s reason to be more careful about food, you know?
The trainer arrives and meets the twins. Amy hay bales how fat she used to be and wants to lose more weight. The trainer wants to throw out all the instant stuff and things with sugar. He’s also on the high fructose corn syrup hate train. He did haul away a lot of stuff. Or rather, he donates it to poor people… Let them eat high fructose corn syrup!
Sub plot “Jake is a loner in his room”. Matt decides to spend time with Jake by sending off to mow the lawn by himself. I mean, is anyone shocked that this is how Matt thinks to spend time with Jake? I guess Matt was too done in from touring the Alps with Jeremy alone, and vacationing in the Bahamas with Jeremy and skydiving with Jeremy to stop and think that Jake mowing the lawn by himself is actually a rather solitary process. Matt describes some process of moving the lawn. Jake is offered 15 bucks. I’m of two minds on this. On the one hand, I never got paid for mowing the family lawn and we had a push mower. On the other hand, we only had an acre of land. If you’re going to offer pay as an incentive - and I am not certain one should, but if you are, the amount really shouldn’t be insulting. Jake notes that while he gets praised a lot there is underlying criticism which means its not praise. Interestingly he says that he’s often over praised for work he knows isn’t truly excellent, which seems to bother him? That is Matt hay bales how this is all about Jake being the youngest. Jake pretty much bails on the chore Matt has arbitrarily assigned him and heads to his room. Jake has a tone of crap in his room. Tv, fridge… hey Matt, I have an idea why he likes his toy filled room so much….
Meanwhile Amy and her trainer bond. They have a work out as Amy explains how image is important. Insert training montage. Really, Amy dragging her trainer around like a dog on a leash may be a lil voyeuristic.
Amy makes salad. Matt is annoyed that he’s being fed salad. He wants salami. Matt whines about his salami. Again. Amy thinks it’s a crock. Matt waxes on in the hay bale about his love of ground meat, and how he doesn‘t want to change. Matt sure likes to talk about his salami
Now Jake and Jeremy carry wood. Jeremy goes on about how he’s a father figure. There is manly work done. Jeremy wants to give Jake healthy attention so of course he puts Jake behind the wheel of his BMW. Now really I feel bad for Jeremy every time Jake grinds the gears since this was probably producer suggested. Jeremy hay bales how he’s a father figure again.
Amy meanwhile is prepping for her next fight in the ring. Jeremy comes in and mocks her a bit in good fun.
Oh our first appearance of Zach. Jeremy hay bales how he doubts mom can keep up with their hiking. So is Zach, so I guess the twins get that “badmouth others in the hay bale” from Dad. They hike on a pretty obvious trail. I mean there’s a fence to keep people on the trail.
So Amy hay bales how this may kill her. Inspirational music plays as the twins voice over how amazing it is. Amy goes on and on about the joys of working out and eating right and I think the fitness zombies got her. I mean listen to her…
Back to the Jake plot. Amy notes how intense he is and how bottled up he is. Zach waxes magnificent on how Jake is different. As does Jeremy. Then they make cookies and we get a flash of the earlier over praising problem. Ie he’s making cookies and Amy thinks its amazing and fantastic. Amy does seem to appreciate that Jake seems to have a drier wit than others in the family.
Now we have Jake doing a voice over of how he feels he needs to do the lawn right. Wow this felt very much like Jake reading lines off a cue card. Matt goes on about how Jake is awesome and we get another flash of what was discussed earlier - the over praise “excellent job” followed by the truth “you missed some spots.”
Amy weighs in again. Ominous music as Amy waits for the results! Will she die? No, in fact she’s right on track. Hurrah! She does look like she lost weight.
Btw what kind of lawn mower is that? I ask because no one ever said what kind it was or whether it was new or even if it was good….
Amy walking, looking for an event while ominous music plays. She has found the event. Amy is helping a local children’s hospital (aka Shriners) God, helping kids at the local charity hospital, she should be burnt at the stake!
More “save a child” music plays as the charity board meets. Wow, a meeting. This is like watching the Senate in “Star Wars - The Phantom Menace”. There’s minor arguing about how they MUST NOT FAIL.
Amy packing for something! It seems to be the board going to some team building event. Matt hay bales how they need team building because women catfight. Ah, way to be an ass, Matt. Particularly when Amy’s projects generally come off like well oiled machines while Matt has to constantly scream at everyone as he micromanages his projects.
Molly and her buddy Paige are at the retreat. There is much hand clapping and high fiving. No cat fighting though. Amy starts the team building with a glass of wine. Then she goes on about how this event is all about proving herself. It gets a bit cloying but so far no one has pulled any hair or wrestled in mud, *Matt*. Everyone drinks wine except the girls.
So the ladies are doing group challenges . Oh we did these in ROTC except it was less touchy feely and graded. The introductions are like watching paint dry. Then they do board walking and Amy interrupts to argue how to do it during Gail’s turn. Now they are on balance logs. They are FAILING so Amy must dig deep! Its quite fun when Amy shouts them down with “One at a time” and then everyone shuts up dead silence. Now we’re rockclimbing? Some sort of zip line? There’s mondo “you inspire us!” coming from the board. There’s zip lining. Then Paige has a bit of a freak out and I feel really bad for her having this filmed. Everyone shouts self actualizing messages to Paige. I think Paige was pretty ready to vomit there. The board is riding high!
God, this never ends. Now they are building a boat? Out of plastic? Cardboard? Actually this would be a hilarious obstacle on Survivor. Now we get more of the endless “god I love you all” and “we love you”.
Matt, you sexist ass, there was no catfight.
Now it’s the event. Things seem busy but organized. No rushing or freakouts… must have been all those *catfights* that led to the organization. You know, because women can’t be in groups without *cat fighting* and needing Matt the Man to settle it. We see Molly and Jake helping briefly. Lisa and Gail “catfight” aka have a mild disagreement but seem to be handling it maturely by choosing to avoid each other. Amy seems to take this as “everything falling apart” when its really two coworkers having a bad day, and wonders how she will ever resume her leadership role. Easy on the drama queening, Amy!
Amy has to *resolve this*. She talks to both. Neither woman seems all that upset, and seem to be handling the tiff maturely by not having screaming fits at each other. Of course it all ends pleasant with hugs. See the difference here between Amy and Matt is that Matt would have just ignored it and shouted. Apparently Amy raised 100,000 dollars for the Special Olympics and the Devil Scum Who Hate Children And Like Torturing Them (aka Shriner’s Hospital). So happy ending there, go figure.