The guest reviewer is Rap541. All opinions and statements made belong to Rap541.
Written by Rap541
Nov 29, 8:00 pm
Ask the Roloffs: Farm Life
All 6 Roloffs come together to answer some Frequently Asked Questions about their fun, chaotic life on the farm, highlighting their experiences across 229 episodes of the series.
Nov 29, 8:30 pm
Ask the Roloffs: One By One
Learn about each member of the Roloff family as they answer more viewer questions, focusing on their personal experiences over the past 5 years.
Oh where to begin? You know the show is done when they haul out the clip show. This is a huge money saver for production since they don't actually have to film much new footage at all. They just string together clips of old episodes and pretend that someone asked a question.
Viewer questions, really? Where did they gather these questions? How *old* are some of these questions? How honestly do you expect people to answer these questions as Matt and Amy sit in the same room? Basically they're killing two episodes here with old footage. Which is fine, but always remember that Matt speaks for the family and doesn't allow the children (20,20,17,13) to answer unless he's already approved the answers. This is a carefully orchestrated event where there will be no surprise questions or difficult questions, or questions that Matt and the production staff haven't already decided on the answers.
The trebuchet? "We're still rebuilding and it was great parenting all around"
Mike's death? "We're still sad."
The marriage? "We've had our ups and downs but we love each other no matter what!"
The only interesting thing will be the questions not asked. You know, about the stalker, and Matt's fight against Cyberbullies and Ghost Ids! I fully expect Matt to be asked about "public opinion" and we'll get his standard speech on how he welcomes criticism but really hates all the "unfair" remarks since the show is real and raw and accurate but no one should base their opinions of the Roloffs from what they see on the show since it's highly edited.
If they even go there. My bet? The trebuchet, cute moments with the kids, Matt's baby talk and projects, vacation hijinks, and of course "the Roloffs give back" charity sequences.
We start with a montage of crazy crap events. Amy says they’ve gotten lots of questions in the voice overs. I’m curious where the questions came from at first but then I realize the questions probably came from the Roloffs themselves.
Matt’s playing to the cameras. He’s a bit fake feeling here. What’s it like to be a Roloff? Yeah I am sure that is a constant viewer question. The kids note there’s no communication. Matt badgers them that it’s all about his telepathic powers. They dully agree. The energy levels are HIGH! They all seem like they’re really in no mood.
More montage of the Farm. What’s the farm like? Jeremy likes the farm because its fun. Amy likes making memories. And now we have clips of previous episodes. Apple wars with the kid who died. Molly picking peaches, long sunsets. Amy refuses to be pinned down because everything is always so awesome at Roloff Farms!
Why has the house been remodeled so much? Because Matt’s addicted to remodeling. Amy doesn’t care about the remodels. Zach likes living in a pigsty and misses the old house. That, and his comment about how it was really home then is interesting to me. We get clips from LPBD. And then endless clips of the remodel. Matt micromanaging…. Oh god really, are we doing every year’s changes? More montages of the filth hoard. Matt notes how it was all worth it. I note that the hoard really hasn’t changed much.
I must admit, I always liked the first remodel, that added the great room and kitchen. That made the place look like it was still a farmhouse but a very modern, nice farmhouse. The McMansion thing with the eight car garage just seems a bit cold.
Matt? Why do you do projects? He notes again in front of all of his kids that without *projects* he has no reason to live. We get a montage of Matt’s ego moments. More projects. Matt insists he needs a waterfall. Amy hates the grand canyon. It does look like crap. Matt notes the castle is a gem! Everyone doubted it! Wasn’t the completed castle essentially a freebie and sat unfinished for years? Wasn’t it started when Molly was six?
And what about the Tower of Terror?
How many vehicles on the farm? Matt wants a group photo with the vehicles. Montages of the vehicles. Jake on the hay bale looks like puberty has reared it’s head. 34 vehicles, really? I trust we’re not supposed to mention how one vehicle could feed 100 starving Haitians?
Why no family dinners? No one wants to bother basically, and really, its not as though the Roloffs ever did the family dinner thing. We get clips from one family dinner, and then a series of meals that didn’t include everyone and don’t count as family dinners. Matt notes that Zach is a failure as a cook and basically describes Zach having ADD. Jeremy notes how ridiculous Matt’s toasts are and does a mocking salute and we get clips of Matt doing the same thing, only taking it far more seriously
Now we have a forced moment of “twin talk”. Zach and Jeremy harass Molly, asking her about her boyfriend or if she will rob banks and hey, what’s her boyfriend’s name? This goes on and on like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. You know the ones? Where the joke isn’t really that funny and Will Farrell just keeps going? Molly looks bored and embarrassed.
Has there been any episode of Sarah Palin’s Alaska that didn’t involve some animal getting shot? I mean I love hunting but really.
Are the Roloffs pet people? Really the answer is no. Jeremy says they aren’t professional pet take carers. Yes, “professional pet take carers”. Good job Faith Bible! We get a montage of the pets and the petting zoo animals. I assume we aren’t going to mention the chicken bloodbath that took Dudley and the lady chicks’s lives. Now endless Rocky shots. Matt encourages Rocky to chase Spike. Molly apparently is the only one who loves Spike. Spike does have an evil cat look. Jake makes a joke about road kill.
Now “Twin talk” has the twins interviewing the dog. Really? You didn’t get enough “viewer questions” that you had to resort to interviewing the dog? Ok the “how is single life treating you” followed by Rocky licking his man parts was hilarious. This truly is a show for all ages!
Pumpkin season? We love pumpkin season! Montage of pumpkin season! Amy notes how the pumpkin season has picked up in the last few years…. Gee I wonder why. More pumpkin shots. Cops! Matt yelling! Oooh Mike! Mike and the trebuchet! Did I call that or what?
More shots of the demon treb! And Jacob is going to talk about the accident!
More trebuchet horror! Complete with ominous music and flashbacks! Yay! Blood everywhere!
Jake says he remembers something. Everyone cuts him off. He says his vision was black, and he asks if anyone actually saw it. No one did. More flashbacks. Jake hay bales how he’s very lucky at times. Matt voices over how he loves the farm. Amy notes how she loves the memories!
No mention of how they tried to rebuild the trebuchet and sorta gave up when it got hard.
Next clip show!
Montage of crazy crap. How would the Roloffs describe themselves to others? As competitive? But in different ways? They snicker about being flawed.
Describe Matt Roloff? Dramatic, intense, crazy. Montage of Matt doing stuff, including his “lets make our own grand canyon” and endless clips of Matt suggesting crazy projects, a lot of which never happened. What? No clips of Matt pitching a fit over his precious salami?
Oh the DUI trial. Amy is actually interesting here because she still seems pretty intense about it. But lets remember the good times!
Matt goes on about how he does things for dwarfism awareness. Oh look its Chance! You know, Matt really does tend to make things all about him. Funny, no shots of the Salmans.
What’s Jeremy like? Not very talkative? Interesting. But then we get clips of Jeremy walking away when asked questions or ignoring questions. Jer says he lacks motivation. We get clips of Jeremy ignoring school to sleep, quitting work. But if he WANTS to do it he is great at it and we get a montage of Jeremy playing well. Snowboarding is a life skill. Oh, now we get Jeremy with his bitches. Amy alludes to “things could happen”. I assume she means an inconvenient teen pregnancy a la Bristol Palin.
Oh the show finale commercial alludes to Matt selling the farm. How dramatic. And the twins moving out! Yeah, pretty certain they still live on the family farm.
How has Amy changed since she became an evil working mom? We get a montage of Amy doing silly things on vacation. Oh a montage of Amy waking the twins up over and over. Now a montage of Amy hugging the kids. Now a montage of Amy “giving back”. There’s a pitch for ARCF.
More Twin Talk! Now they are interviewing Amy. Zach asks who she loves more. Amy and Zach go back and forth on who she loves best. Yeah I think this is a pretty good indication of how no one really wanted to answer questions from viewers.
Why does Jake bother Molly so much? Basically because no one else has time for him. We get a montage of Molly beating up Jake and then how she’s successful in things. Jake seems impressed with her. Molly seems to like school. Jeremy is sorta horrified at the idea of reading for pleasure.
Am I the only one who finds Sarah Palin of the teen mother daughter saying “no boys upstairs” hilarious in a too little too late way?
Why is Jake moody? He’s the youngest, he’s volatile, impulse problems, attention seeking. Gosh maybe his parents should spend more time with him instead of fobbing him off on his sister? Zach says he’s naturally smart. Jeremy says he gets As. Molly wishes he was sweet all he time.
Why is Zach intense? There’s really no answer, and we get a montage of Zach being angry. So we get “Describe Jeremy” and Zach and Jake get leading questions like “Why is Zach so intense”, “Why is Jake moody?” Funny - “Why is Jeremy so scattered and lazy?” seems as fair.
Apparently Zach is into soccer. I had no idea! We get the cute clip of Zach from LPBD. Oh Mike again in the soccer montage. Soccer soccer soccer. Jeremy thinks Zach should do more chicks.
Who is the coolest Roloff? Matt votes for Molly. Amy and Zach agree, calling her “the glue”. Then Zach jokes and says he’s the coolest. Matt voices over how they are very unique and Amy notes how special they are as well, the end.
Hard to believe they’re getting a check for this, huh?