Frequent poster Rap541, generously agreed to recap the "Holiday Surprise" episode featuring the Roloff Family on Little People, Big World which aired on TLC Dec 11, 2011
Written By Rap541 -- all opinions expressed belong to Rap541 --
Interesting moment in the rerun - Amy openly acknowledges Matt's "I'm gonna die so do as I want!" attitude and again, despite Matt's whining on the topic, divorce was openly discussed.
Also Jeremy's open lies about how he was driving the mule to the mail box and then reading it for the camera and then telling mommy for the cameras and his complete lack of enthusiasm during it is especially hilarious.
And Matt openly dissing Jeremy was hilarious. "Where's my maammma! Where's my maaammma!" indeed.
Btw, I dunno about anyone else but this new episode was on LATE. 10pm here. Kinda late for family time.
Oh Matt relating to Matt Damon and equating his farm with a zoo is *hilarious*. Importing animals that other people take care of for a month is exactly like owning a zoo, Matt. It really is and you're *just* as cool as Matt Damon and just *like* him. I also note that Matt makes these commercials all about himself.
The rehanging of the sacred tire swing still makes me laugh. And btw, are the twin's beds really just mattresses and springs directly on the floor?
Did I mention how late this is on? Because really, I understand The Walking Dead on AMC being on so late because you know, the zombies, the cursing, the sex, the constant shooting of little girls in the head.... but isn't this a family show?
Oh an actual commercial for the special - Matt just about tearing up because Amy will miss his birthday. Aw, poor baby, Amy has to work. At last check you missed Mother's Day and the twin's birthday because you desperately needed a vacation in Hawaii. As I recall, you're also the douche who went to Switzerland with Jeremy because spending time with the family wasn't a "good use" of your time. Poor poor Matt... Why do I have a feeling I have latched on to the theme of the show? That this is all about Matt needing attention.
Oh, and I again note how Jeremy's "Thank you Jesus!" on the van was very very carefully not shown.
Anyway on to the new special.
Punkins and scarecrows and Matt on equipment acting like he‘s doing something. Matt is giving himself a new sign for the farm as his birthday present. He gyrates and laughs in a completely fake way over how awesome it is. Its a tad over the top. Amy seems bored. Wasn’t the sign replaced because of the vandalism?
The credits are the same.
Matt conversates with the dog. He then waxes philosophically on the haybale and there's a montage of photos as Matt goes on about how he's getting old and wants to go back in time. He pets the dog he plans to have shot and there’s a deep photogenic moment. Basically Matt is acting like a dramatic fourteen year old girl
Amy plots with the kids for Matt's birthday. Amy voices over about the Birthday Bash as though its actually a surprise and not something Matt announced in April of this year. They plan a flash mob. Which is kinda the opposite of a flash mob. Insert more montages of the farm. Matt and Sven argue over the color of the ark. Matt wants actual animals to hang around the ark, and has a goat habitrail built. In fairness, I kinda like the goat habit rail.
Meanwhile the family has a family meal and none of the kids care that Jeremy is gone. Amy openly prays. Matt pontificates and fake shouts "I MADE IT" and the kids don't react much, possibly because Matt is putting on a show for the cameras. Matt then challenges all the kids to arm wrestle to prove how young he is. Its clearly a forced moment and Zach wrestles him and Matt brags about beating Zach, the most unlikely to care. Amy then wrestles Matt since "AMY IS COMPETATIVE". We break for a commercial since this fake moment for the camera is a nice stopping point.
Matt in a commercial tries to insist he gives a damn about the animals on the farm. Yeah, lets see, you sold the alpacas for a volleyball court, your son and his buddy was caught throwing the family cat, on at least one occasion you had a tortoise escape the farm, and your pet chickens were "slaughtered by coyotes". Oh, and you went on about Camerino needing to put down one of the ducks. Try again.
Back to Matt and Amy hamming it up for the cameras. Amy wins. Matt whinges how he is fifty. Its sorta cute but I am sensing a theme. Wait, no, I am being hit with a two by four engraved with the theme. Matt travels back in time to the building of the goat thingie and he gives an extensive voiceover on how he's physically falling apart with his bum knee and how at fifty, he's probably on the downside of life and will perhaps soon die. Gosh I sure hope he makes it long enough to see the cool birthday surprise the family has planned and that he has no idea about.
Oh look. A goat in the house. That doesn't feel contrived at all, a random goat in the house right in front of the cameras. Zach tries riding it and gets it out of the house, Apparently there's cows now as well, and the goat isn't put in a pen or anything.
Matt gives the "you work for me" speech to the folks and Caryn openly notes that the Birthday Bash is on the schedule despite the whole surprise thing being presented. Matt notes how Jeremy isn't there and things just aren't the same since Jeremy did so much but was also super easily replaced. Zach and Tori chit chat about the tours. Matt notes how Zach is now a man and into sex and probably nailing Tori and Matt is super relieved that his dwarf son is nailing someone. Ok, to be fair, he didn’t *say* that, it was just obvious.
Oh look Jeremy on Skype. We all pretend that there's no contract and we also pretend there's actual doubt that Jeremy will return home for the birthday bash. Matt does an ostentatious tour for the cameras. The people movers seem bigger. Amy does a tour. Personally I think the Ark looks like crap sitting in the middle of the field with nothing around it. Matt then goes on how he's in constant pain because of his dwarfism and his age and there's ominous music as once again we are reminded how fragile Matt is. Then Matt haybales how its a miracle he's still alive because he just pushed himself so hard, its a miracle! He does indeed comment to the dog how the dog is old and it is of course a Poignant Moment.
Funny how self indulgement and all about Matt this whole thing is.
Zach goes on about how the flash mob was trained to flash mob. Molly looks kinda like one of the Duggar girls actually. Oh look the new sign and its ONE DAY to Matt's birthday. Matt has decided to dress up like Noah since the Ark is "complete". He then takes the costume to the Ark and reveals himself to the people mover and hits one of the goats with his shepherds hook. Much like his family, the animals ignore his endless prattling and shouting. Molly and Jake are amused.
Amy finally reveals the horror - she has to do a speaking engagement on Matt's birthday. She can't cancel. Matt haybales how this is one of the bigger events of his life and its a "tough nut to swallow". Wow. I mean, WOW. Now I know its not unusual for Matt to be a self involved ass, but really. I'm reminded yet again of the desperate need he had to go on vacation to Hawaii and skip his kid’s birthday. I’m also reminded of his charming attitude about Amy having to miss the BVI trip - ever notice that Matt only cares about what Matt wants?
Now we see Amy making something. She haybales how she needed to do something special for Matt so she made him a cake. She puts a card in the fridge. Jeremy wanders in and Amy pretends its a surprise. He seems bored. Amy haybales how special it is and how sad she is but how it's life. Jeremy wanders out to the punkin field and Matt acts surprised that Jeremy is there despite again, the obvious reality that he was required to show up. Now Matt shows us pictures of himself and haybales how awful his pain filled childhood was and how he prayed to God to be healed and it never ever happened. But Matt was resilient and never dwells on the endless torture of his pain filled childhood in the hospitals and we've never ever heard Matt go on about this before. Except you know, the many times we have heard this exact same story of Matt's horror filled childhood that he's never ever let affect him.
Amy runs off to work and of course Matt is sad because its all about Matt. We leave on a poignant shot of Matt sitting sadly. Poor. poor Matt.... Hey, everyone remember Matt missing his kids graduation walk and snotting off proudly how he had no regrets? Funny how it hurts when it's Matt who isn't getting the attention
Matt continues to praise himself in the commercials for the Matt Damon movie. Yay Matt! You explain once again how this movie by Matt Damon is all about you!
Oh now its the DAY of Matt's birthday! Pop and Honey tell stories and we get more Matt home movies of Matt as a child. Jeremy tosses Jake onto the zip line and has Jake come down as an event. I think this is the first time we've seen the zip line used since it was installed. Matt is paraded around and the flash mob appears and its all about Matt being held up as the awesome guy he thinks he is. Molly thinks the flash mob was cool. Matt notes how awesome it is that people adore him. He notes how he's never done much for his birthday (except those cruises that were always scheduled during pumpkin season). Matt gives a speech to the crowd and it just goes on and on how Matt is this really rare sort of dwarf but just managed to be so awesome. Then he says his parents are awesome and he notes how resilent he is and this tongue bath just goes on and on. Matt notes how surprised he is. Matt haybales how he doesn't know why he's so awesome and now that he's fifty, he might die tomorrow but he's still gonna be awesome.
Then he gets on the zipline and we have a commercial break.
This All American Muslim show looks fun.
Now we continue with Matt ziplining. Matt notes how he was suddenly deafened from the joy of how awesome he is and how he's fantastic and this birthday will never be topped. A side note - the full moon shots continue to be hilarious because every night was the full moon. Did anyone else catch that? Matt notes how awesome it is but that Amy isn't there and therefore its bittersweet and then he finds Amy's cake in a carefully orchestrated moment. He opens the card, and Amy *magically* shows up in the nick of time to show up in time for cake and perhaps lovemaking. Matt then makes it all about Matt again. Matt haybales how he's learned, from having everyone kiss his butt for the weekend, that life after fifty is swell as long as its all about him and what he wants.
Also wow, this was dull.