Written by Rap541
Sigh. This is on so late…. I watched the rerun of LPBW and really… I mostly don’t remember it. I did watch a dvd of Breaking Bad this weekend and it was really good. Really dark, darker than Battlestar Galactica, and of course there was a lot more meth, but good stuff.
So the previews are hilarious, Amy shouting at the 350 people. Bran? And Michael want 350 and that might be too much and Amy IS ASKING THEM ALL TO LEAVE! OHNOES!
How will Matt save the day?
Amy forces granola on Matt. Matt notes there’s two wedding s down and now Matt wants to go big or go home by using Craiglist. Amy notes how Matt isn’t thinking. Matt fake shouts “The skies the limit!”
Meanwhile Amy is all about her charity and how she does a charity for children charities and its tough! She’s having it in the barn and she HAS AN IMPACT! She notes how anything can happen.
Oh, its *Bree* and Mike and Bree loves country barn weddings and used Craiglist to find a romantic barn. They met at a gym. They want a giant wedding. Matt haybales how they finally have a big wedding. Amy notes how her charity project is also super important. Hmm possible conflict? I mean why schedule these events on different days if you want conflict? Because they seem to be on different days despite all the whining. The farm can’t do two different events on two different days?
Bree wants a chandelier, a field, and a barn. Maybe a trellis with the chandelier? Now we’re on the Mule, looking at the barn. Matt notes how the caterers will have a different access. Amy notes how this is the same weekend as her charity event. I sense issues. I also note that the same weekend is not the same day and most professional wedding venues can have two weddings on the same day and I doubt Amy’s event was the same day as the wedding.
Matt heads off to the lumber barn. Mike of the wedding disses the distressed barn wood Matt attempts to offer. Matt and Mike look at wood. Mike wants Matt to give him good wood. Mike wants the good wood at the bottom of the pile. Matt doesn’t want to give his wood to Mike. Because its his *special * wood.
All this talk about Matt’s wood… Is this why the show is on so late? Wood jokes?
Meanwhile Amy is juggling her event with Matt’s. Apparently the wedding Planner is named Molly. Essentially there’s lots of details and Matt dumps it on Amy and she disses him and walks out. In other words, it’s every episode of LPBW.
So ten days before the wedding and we’re walking thru. And there’s chickens, and Bree wants a chandelier in the barn. There are cocktails and appetizers and all sorts of fancy stuff to plan for. Matt wants a tent but this is never suggested on screen. There’s no final guest list, there’s caterers and the trellis for the chandelier is slow. And there’s Amy’s event at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME! Even though its not.
A little person sets tables for something .Oh, it’s Amy’s charity event that never mentions the name of her charity or the recipients this year. Amy is having her event. Amy goes on about her charity and how she wants to raise 200k. It’s all so important yet clearly less messed up than the wedding. Oh and PUMKIN season!
Meanwhile we see construction guys doing manly stuff. Ironically, I wasn’t really watching for it but I never a chandelier anywhere… Did I miss it? Matt insists that Mike seduced him into giving up good wood. Matt laments about his wood. This is all so sexual. I mean why not just have someone in a “GOT WOOD?” t-shirt?
So we’re at the charity event. Oh look Zach speaking how awesome he is mom is. Amy speaks at her own event. Amy notes that she’s 50 with four kids and still married. She notes that the party has started. Insert staid party montage.
Oh hey the neighbors are annoyed with the music at 9:30. Matt notes that Amy is hardcore because she shuts down the music after police complaints. Just so we’re all on the same page, I can, and have, called in noise complaints over loud music. Anyone whining defense for the Roloffs needs to remember that the land they are using isn’t commercially zoned and this is large loud event number three.
So Matt wants some structure moved – the trellis? Matt screeches YAY! YAY! YAY! I don’t see how this was hard. There’s wedding prep. A dance floor is laid out. It’s 9:30 am. Amy worried that the wedding isn’t prepped. Matt is all worried about Brianna’s day. Matt greets Molly the planner with news about the crapper. He haybales how managing the crappers is his duty.
Bree seems pleased about everything, including the chickens all over the bridal suite. Amy tells Matt how the set up is sucking. There’s funs stuff with Bree and the Chickens and oh hey, the power went out. In the background I spot the raised chicken coop and there’s chickens everywhere!
FYI wherever chickens go, chicken crap follows. I assure you, it does not smell like air freshener, unicorns or cupcakes.
So there’s a power issue in the bridal suite. Amy sends Matt. Matt and Bree chitter to the cameras and there’s chickens IN the house. So the power comes back on and the bridesmaids chase the livestock out of the house while Matt notes how people should expect this on a farm. He notes “Yahhh” over it and then fake shouts at the chickens. Matt intones how important parking is and how orderly parking must be. Jake, who is 15 and maybe 130 pounds wet is deemed Matt’s heavy. So caterers show up and Zach is forced to be on camera slicing bread as is Amy. This never happens in real weddings seriously, food service people don’t let random helpers do stuff. People are crashing the wedding and now the water pressure is dropping. Molly the Planner bitches at Matt, everyone bitches at Matt , Matt notes how legit the crashers look! There’s lots of yammering about no water, and crashing, and guests invading the bridal suite!
Oh hey a commercial break.
Hey a few thoughts on why this isn’t a real business? Here’s a few. In a real wedding venue, people actually sue over nonsense like livestock infestations. Oh and hey, maybe security and guest control shouldn’t be on a bunch of unsupervised kids who pretty clearly don’t give a crap about anything. I mean really, the *power* went out? Someone paid for *that*?
No one paid for a wedding venue with no electricity and chicken crap everywhere. I was raised with chickens. Where ever chickens go, chicken crap follows. No one pays for a “bridal suite” with no power and chickens inside the house.
So now we’re griping about the guest lists, there’s no water, and Matt intones how they aren’t ready for such a big wedding! Sven is told by Matt to try the water. Now Matt has to deal with security. Somehow random people from a different wedding are arriving. Jake notes how stressful it is. Caryn and Matt argue. There’s shouting and bitching and Amy and Matt shout at each other. Matt notes how the parking area is a mess. Yeah don’t make a 15 year old in charge. (Lest anyone think I’m defending Jake, please ask yourself – a fifteen year old was “the heavy” for a parking situation involving 350 people?)
Now there’s a wedding and there’s clouds and thunder and Amy and Matt note how risky it was to not have a tent. Yet the wedding g happens with no one saying a word. The wedding seems sweet, pity we saw next to nothing of THIS couple. My guess? They didn’t have a sob story or a project for Matt to whine about. Oh a female preacher. Oh Matt notes to Amy how it’s his way or the highway. Oh the wedding is rained on. The chick preacher is funny. Then God slams down the storm. Oh hey the barn can’t hold all the guests. Matt notes to the camera how he’s on record that he can’t allow all the people that he’s not stopping at all from taking shelter from the rain in the barn. Funny how he makes no effort to actually stop the over crowding .
So its RAINAPOCOLYPSE! Amy tells Matt she’ll kick people out if that bitch Molly the Planner and Matt won’t do it. Amy tells everyone to get to hell out. She’s so clearly pissed. She tells everyone how it’s the wedding planner’s fault. Matt whines. Amy tells him to shut his bitch mouth since he didn’t get off his ass to tell people to get out. Apparently this wrapped up nicely despite everyone being told to get to hell out? Yes. Oh hey Matt finds a ton of people suddenly touring the farm because hmmm. Aren’t these the same people who consider every single part of their property intensely private but make no real effort to displace interlopers?
But it’s a success! Matt notes how he was stresses but this was all utterly perfect. . Amy interrupts him to kick out people.
Next week its stupid projects and bitching about Zach and making Zach move out.