Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Little People, Big World With The Roloffs: New Episode: A Bride And A Bulldozer - New Episode November 26, 2013

This a preview and then review of the new episode of "Little People, Big World" featuring the Roloff family airing tonight at 9:00pm on TLC.

Little People, Big World A Bride and a Bulldozer 

The third wedding of the season is a month away and the Roloffs have grand plans to make it the dreamiest, most magical ceremony yet! Matt and Amy hire an assistant, but she may do more harm than good - and their plans could literally come crashing down


Review Written By Rap541


Ok, so here’s the thing. I actually had this done and it was loaded up and then the computer ate it so I actually had to redo it and rewatch it.

So Jeremy lets us know how he hasn’t been home in a year and a half and how he just sees all these things he could be doing. This is voiced over as he manfully puts up some chicken wire. Funny, I am actually quite certain he’s been home a lot in the last year and a half and also that Mom and Dad voiced no concerns about him spending three or four months living with them with no apparent reason. Despite, you know, the fit they pitched at Zach.

Matt rolls up. Apparently Matt needs to let us know again how he spent years in the hospital and how awful it was and how he KNOWS  what it is to be set free.  That’s why having free range chickens is so important to him….

Matt also notes that while having Jeremy home is great, he’s worried that Jeremy, a grown man at 23, isn’t putting enough time into his school work. Since you know, Matt is all about school. Amy and Matt chat about why Jeremy has come home for the summer. They both seem to think it’s a very good question. I point out that clearly, we’re just going to ignore the whole “TLC is filming our family” reason and pretend there’s something darker involved.  Both Matt and Amy seem to think Jeremy is ready to quit school for farm life…. Which btw is pretty much what Matt has said in several episodes that he wants, one of the kids to take over the farm, but of course, for the sake of this episode, school is very very important to Matt. He says they have to dumb down the farm for Jeremy.  I don’t really get what he means by that.

The wedding couple show up in a cool classic car. Amy wants their car. Its Kevin and Meredith. There’s the standard tour of the farm and it’s a month away. The couple seems nice.  He’s a fireman. She works in some way. He did a sweet proposal with a burning fire and a fire truck. Its cute.

So now, because Matt is all about Jeremy focusing on school, he and Amy are hiring a new assistant to help with the weddings.  Amy asks a lot of questions about qualifications to the candidates which *amazes* Matt. He seems to think its bitchy. Matt wants someone fun, while Amy is all about someone qualified. They interview Heidi who seems to have no qualifications. Caryn asks her if she will clean up actual shit. Matt thinks she’s cute. There’s another candidate, Rose, who seems competent but Matt hates her because she’s forceful.  Matt gets his way.

Amy notes Matt can’t handle Rose. He notes he can handle any employee, he just fires people who don’t do as he says. The decision is clearly already made but because it’s the show, Matt and Amy have to rock paper scissors over it. I also note that Matt’s office is a pigsty.

Jeremy sadly looks at his books and confesses how he loves learning but reading and being on the computer and answering questions about financial things is just not stimulating at all. Poor baby!  Also its sort of interesting to note that the room Jeremy is in looks like an office in the garage. As in, it looks like a room in the house until the camera pulls away and you see the concrete floor and trashcans and bare space.

So the groom is building a head table with wine barrels and a chandelier, and an arbor. Matt insists on helping  by holding a barrel while it’s sawed and doesn’t wear safety glasses. There’s a montage of the groom manfully building things and I wish he’d take his shirt off. Matt makes a show of displaying himself, and also notes while Kevin is competent, he’s taking on too much.

Matt now leads Amy to the wine cellar to discuss the “special moment” that they always plan for the bride and groom. The wine cellar looks like it hasn’t been touched since the last episode it was in. There’s a frog on the table, there’s standing water in puddles. Amy openly wonders about snakes. She also wonders why it leaks and frankly so do I because that basement was previously filled with water and I kinda wonder if that’s such a great investment. Especially if you know, its used all of once a year. I mean, do these people take care of things?

Heidi wanders in as the new hire. Matt is all “welcome to chaos”. There’s a lengthy bit where Heidi asks for the cameras how Matt and Amy met and a montage of Heidi decorating and mopping. Matt decides to give her more responsibility since she’s so awesome. Btw the wedding house looks undone with no skirting at all around the house and stacks of building materials next  to it. A bit eye sore-ish for a brand new place. Matt condescends to trust her with driving a mule and makes a show of screaming yeah baby!

Jeremy lifts a straw bale and Matt calls him in because Matt is so concerned about Jeremy’s school work.  Jeremy notes at this point – two weeks in theory before the wedding, that his courses are going good. Matt gives him a paycheck and again expresses how important it is that Jeremy do well in school. Jeremy looks and sounds totally bored with the conversation. Matt notes to the cameras how Jeremy is drifting and will sink.

One week to the wedding, Heidi is doing things all wrong, and Matt yells at her and notes how stupid she is for getting the mule stuck in a ditch. Sweet Jesus people! He had to call Jeremy away from his so very important school work to rescue the mule!

You know, if school is this important to Matt, why didn’t he kick up any fuss at Jeremy taking an entire semester off? You know, so he could go to the Bahamas with Matt and hang around for Mueller’s wedding? Matt notes that Heidi is annoying, what with wearing wings to work. Matt decides Heidi is too dumb to be trusted so he dumps her off with Zach and Jake, and gives them the crappy chore of cleaning the wine cellar and decorating. The place looks pretty bad.

Jeremy  wanders in to the office. Jeremy is a little backed up with his school work and has homework and tests to do  so he’s “opting out” of working the wedding. Matt is shocked! Jeremy smirks as Matt plays it up. For the record, Jeremy, like Matt and Amy, isn’t much of an actor, this is a clearly staged moment.  Matt notes how proud he is of Jeremy being so responsible. Matt totally thinks homework is a priority! And he better not see Jeremy goofing around on the wedding day, to which Jeremy snots “yep yep” as he walks out.

Ok so let me explain what’s wrong here, and it’s not that Matt “I went to the school of hard knocks and school isn’t important” Roloff has suddenly gotten on the homework train (for Jeremy anyway).  No, folks, it’s that Jeremy Roloff is a lazy indulged immature piece of crap. What? Rap is being too harsh? Folks, Jer-bear is a 23 year old man who, counting his community college years, has been in college for years and has taken this summer off, thereby getting even more behind and still has at least a year to go. I’ve taken online college courses. Part of the student’s responsibility as an *adult* is to manage one’s time. In theory, what we saw was Jeremy essentially telling his boss he couldn’t come into work because he was too backed up with his own personal concerns. Do you want to know what a real employer, and not Daddy Matt, would say to that? “Either you show up to work, or I get someone else, your personal issues aren’t my problem.” But… no… Daddy Matt tells Jeremy how PROUD he is to hear that Jer-bear is so far behind in his school work, there’s no way he can work the wedding and still pass.

Seriously, he told Jeremy that Jeremy was being responsible. A 23 year old man can’t manage his time and that’s Matt’s idea of a good thing.

Kevin the groom is bringing his projects in. The chandelier is tied off on camera. It does look nice. They walk off and it promptly crashes. Matt yells dude at the groom’s brother. I kinda think this was faked for the cameras. The shop btw looks utterly disgusting. There’s wine on the kitchen counter.

Amy and Matt debate salami and cupcakes. Yes yes, we get the script, Matt and Amy. Seriously the faux arguing over the salami cupcakes reminds me why these two aren’t actors. And now we badly segue way into the product placement cupcakes, made by Hershey’s! Note the full shot of Hershey’s website and the chocolate wrappers on full display. Also Amy, brides getting into white dresses probably don’t want chocolate frosting anywhere near them.

Heidi is sent to sweep glass. Kevin works hard. Zach and Jake have a staged scene with Matt. A tent goes up. The new chandelier is magically twice the size of the old chandelier. It is a cool looking piece. We have some chat from the couple. People arrive for the rehearsal. They’re having the dogs as their ring bearers.

It’s the day of the wedding. Jeremy asks Molly to help with his schoolwork. Actually he’s taking an exam and needs “guidance” on the questions.  Molly is basically explaining balance sheets to him.  Ok, seriously, Molly, HD is not your friend. Please ask your mom or dad to take you to a dermatologist. There might be something that can help that acne. I really don’t mean that unkindly.  When I paused the video, her skin just looked raw. Please do something.

Now Daddy Matt looks on and asks how it was going. Matt now notes that this class was *critical* for Jeremy – which of course is why Matt is so gosh darned proud of how Jeremy did nothing and had to get out of work in order to get his school work done.  Yup, Matt’s proud that Jeremy made “the right decision” in blowing off his school work until the last minute.

Now more couple stuff. The camera doesn’t linger on it long but the new bridal house totally looks like a construction zone. Amy comes in with cupcakes. She shares the insane salami cupcakes idea and they all laugh.

Amy notes that Heidi seems to have gotten more competent.  I do like the kite decorations. Now we have some bride stuff since the Roloff family really doesn’t want to actually be on the show. Now the wedding begins. Is the barn part of the venue essentially as nothing but a back drop? The couple is sweet, I just don’t feel like recapping them. Needless to say, out of the 42 minutes of this show, the bride and groom got a good 16 minutes of the airtime.

Now Matt and Amy haul the couple to the dank wine cellar. Amy actually expresses concern about what it will look like since she hasn’t been down since the earlier filmed moment with the standing water, frogs and snakes. I note that people who are actually running a business will usually actually check on things before they go forward. It looks nice. Matt gives them a cute bottle of wine. There’s champagne. Matt notes how it was gorgeous.

Now there’s cake eating. The groom and bride dance around. Matt notes how everything on the farm is an eyesore. He decides that the middle of the wedding is the right time to get the bulldozer.  Amy chases after him. Amy gets up on the scoop and smirks and yells at Matt. Amy shakes her ass at him, he fake shouts he never gets his way and will completely reconfigure the farm!

Back to the bride and groom who eat s’mores and say thanks to Matt and Amy. I swear we spend two minutes saying good bye.

Now Amy and Matt argue over stuff. Matt insists on reinventing. Amy notes he never appreciates anything and never finishes things.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

New Little People, Big World Episode Featuring The Roloffs "Forever Young" On TLC

This is a preview and then review of the new episode of "Little People, Big World" tonight Novemeber 19th, 2013.

Little People, Big World: Forever Young TV-PG CC 

Desperate for a bridal suite solution, Matt convinces Amy that a pre-fab home is the best option - but getting the house in place and functioning by the next wedding proves disastrous! Zach adds to the tension, announcing that he wants to move back home.


Review written by Rap541:

Matt demands the kids pay attention to him and praise him. Jeremy kisses Dad's ass. Now Jeremy takes credit for the western town and the castle that TLC finished. This is pretty much all we see of him except for his later wish to marry on the farm.

Zack wanders in. This is clearly a staged scene. Matt completely refuses and then demands to know why. Apparently it costs money to live on your own. Zach calls it a two month thing. I'd like to point out that there was absolutely no fuss at all at the idea of Jeremy taking four months off from school (which is what actually happened) and moving back into the childhood home for that time. 

Now Amy and Matt take a nice couple on the wedding barn tour. They seem to like the grassy field but want a huge cross up. Apparently its ok to have the reception in the barn. Hmmm its all of five weeks to the wedding. 

Matt hauls Amy to the open pit that is the old house. Matt wants the prefab manufactured home but he wants to have it positioned perfectly. Matt openly notes that Amy has no aesthetic sense and then tells Amy to get the hell away from him so he can have Matt Roloff time.

Now the argument is over, with Amy noting she doesn't know why Matt bothers to ask her anything. Then Amy notes his office is plan b and he throws an utter hissy, noting that his feelings are never considered.

They meet with the wedding people. Their theme is confused and the guy finally asks about the bridal suite. Matt plans to have the manufactured home but SOMETHING will be worked out. Matt notes how the manufactured hime is all rush rush because they had no idea in January they'd need a bridal suite.

Zach unloads a box of stuff. He seems to be taking Molly's room?

More construction. Matt tells Amy how the house is coming. Matt notes that thre's no way they will get it in on time. I note that the product placement signs are oddly obscured. Funny how Matt starts shrieking at the workers. Something cracked?

Despite Matt's shrieking, no one who actually knows what they are doing seems concerned in the slightest. Matt notes on camera how picky the damn county is and how they might not have time to get shit done. 

Matt wants to show Amy is idea for the wedding's special moment. He's chosen the school house and explains to the camera the farce that is the special moment - essentially this is all forced for the cameras because the wedding people aren't actually paying so they have to jump thru hoops. Amy notes she wishes the couple would keep each other engaged. Matt notes this is a smack on him and THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Amy seems to be trying to say something important. Matt completely dismisses her. 

Now its three days to the wedding. There's crap everywhere and the wedding might be ruined. Amy makes the "kids" fill glasses with hershey kisses. Matt runs in and this gets very staged with Matt "being a lil dickens" steaing glasses and shoving kisses in his pockets.

Now they decorate the school house and Jeremy sagely notes how he might marry on the farm. If TLC offers to pay him I am sure it will happen. Hey Amy, what are your views on whoring out your son's marriage? 

The wedding couple goes on about how being married is nice. Meanwhile there's no water in the new house.

The inspectors wont let the house be used because there's no water and Matt is all "She'll have to go in the barn because I am NOT letting anyone in my office!"

Matt's all amazed that an actual plumber to fix the water and then snots while holding the permit that he usually doesn't ask permission, he asks forgiveness. Yeah, I'm sure having to settle the lawsuit oof the woman who broke her leg in your unpermitted pavillon had *nothing* to do with your sudden need to ask permission, did it? And hey, how did the appeal on your case about the inspectors violating you come out? Cause rumor has it you lost. 

The bride is impressed with the new house. The groom loads a cross up and the groom is then taken on a tour of the farm. Then we see the groom and friends playing ball and Zach and Jeremy don't care about the time. Amy notes they had to call in a caterer. Yeah I don't believe that the caterer needed to pick veggies from the Roloff garden. Matt notes that Jeremy and Zach haven't returned with the menfolk. Someone tells the bride the groom is missing. Matt brays to the boys how they're all late for the wedding and honestly, with the camera crew pointedly noting the twins not caring about the time and Matt's patented fake shouting... yeah, staged drama. 

The wedding happens. They seem like a nice couple. Matt and Amy have Vespas for the couple to ride to the schoolhouse for the mandated staged moment showcasing the farm. To be fair, the schoolhouse is a lot nicer than making the previous couple dance in the dirty saloon. Having them ride the Vespas seems like an accident waiting to happen. Back at the catering, Amy is helping because that is perfectly acceptable, you know, someone completely unconnected to the caterer handling the food.

Amy yells at the catering staff. There's toasts and speeches and I note that I think we saw the Roloff kids (including Jer who *sacrificed* an entire semester at his photography college, therefore putting off his career and his dream) for maybe all of five minutes on screen. And most of that was Zach moving back in despite, per the anons out there, the reality that he's making a handsome living being paid for this five minutes! Honestly there clearly wasn't much of the Roloffs to film because there was a LOT of the wedding people.

Amy rightly notes that Matt actually hates the weddings because they are very organized and have to follow a certain pattern. Matt of course gets annoyed and gives a little speech about how marriage sucks. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Roloffs Lose Appeal On All Counts In Case VS Washington County

This will be a very brief update simply to pass along news.

As previously noted in articles both on our Spiritswander Blog and in places like Portland Business Journal, the Roloffs basically lost their case vs Washington County in the trespassing case. In the original lawsuit, most of the case was dismissed and then both sides reached an agreement.

However, the Roloffs appealed the decision. The Portland Business Journal had a few articles which were linked by Matt Roloff on his Facebook Fan Page about the Roloffs appealing the case.

The appeal has been heard and there has been a ruling.

The Roloffs lost the appeal on all counts including the part that involves this blog. Part of their stated reason for appealing was that the original judge (Judge Mosman) granted Spiritswander's Motion To Quash the Subpoena the Roloffs filed demanding that the personal and private information of myself and every person that has ever posted a comment on this blog be handed over to Matt and Amy Roloff. Matt posted on Facebook (and linked to his twitter at the time) that his act of subpoenaing Google was perhaps the "funnest" thing Matt had ever done in his life. The appeal court upheld the original ruling about the value of anonymous online speech outweighing the Roloffs need for discovery.

That's about all I can say say about the documents in the appeal because it says it is not for publication. If you are interested, it is available on the pacer website if you care to search for the case and spend the few cents it takes to access the documents.

People have been inquiring over the past several months so we are simply informing everyone of the decision. The appeal has been heard and the Roloffs lost.

I would like to once again thank everyone who offered their various forms of support to the Spiritiswander Blog throughout the entire process.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

New Little People, Big World Episode Featuring Roloff Family - November 12, 2013 "Game On!"

Here is a preview and then recap of the new episode of Little People, Big World on TLC tonight at 9:00pm on TLC.

Little People, Big World (Season 9) Game On! 

 In hopes of recapturing the old Roloff farms spirit and encouraging the kids to help out more - Matt decides to throw the first annual Family Game Day. However, there can only be one winner and everyone’s true competitive colors come out in full force!


Recap written by Rap541:

So Matt and Amy are "refocusing" on pumpkin season. Apparently they normally prep for six months but this year they want a fun zone and a corn maze. Matt notes how IMPOSSIBLE it is. Matt notes how HOPELESS it is and how he can't depend on the family.

The four kids note if they don't leave soon, Dad will make them work so they go innertubing. Everyone, including Jeremy "Always wanting to be at Matt's side" Roloff would rather goof off for the cameras having fun, leaving Dad to work.

Matt meanwhile wants the trebuchet to finally be repaired but notes his kids are crap who won't help him, leaving him to gut it out alone with no help. He could use the kids but Amy notes the kids get tired of work. Matt notes that whatever he says is fun is fun, and no one should question that. However he wants to connect with the kids without pissing them off by expecting them to do anything.

Matt calls a family meeting to let them know he wants them to have a family game day for the cameras because otherwise TLC will have nothing but weddings and bitching and dead dogs to film. Essentially it sounds like Matt making everyone be his toys. Tori shows up. Apparently the teams are random. They run off on a timed mule race?

For the reality, as presented by Matt, it is a little obnoxious and spoiled that his mostly adult children can't handle a summer that is mostly work. I mean Christ Almighty on the cross, Jeremy and Zach are both 23... summers off ended a few years ago.  Funny how the Roloff kids are never ever willing to be grateful on camera that at age 23 they can spend a day, and really an entire summer, goofing off like 16 year olds and getting paid to act like children. Yes Roloffs, I'm judging your spoiled kids.

So everyone watches the mule race. I'm really not going to really recap the race except that its innane. Matt and Molly race, then Tori and Amy = Tori sucks at basketball although Amy seems sorta ok with it. Then Tori screws up picking cherries. Its amusing how pointed they are about buckling up... something we have never seen with the kids. jeremy snots how fast he is compared to Zach and really... I kinda hope someone twice Zach's size is a bit faster at running, Jer.

There's a ton of whining. The boys do the race. While there's pointed seat belts on calls, it's also obvious they aren't wearing seat belts a lot. Matt starts shrieking no seat disqualified! He rants a bit but Amy allows it.

Now we're at the minefield competition that seems to ripped off blatantly from Survivior. The teams change for no apparent reason. Jake tries to talk Jeremy through, it's bad, they switch and its ok. Matt and Amy do the course and Amy is annoyed that Matt is rather openly playing to the cameras. Matt btw is all about shrieking at Amy constantly. Matt notes how Amy wasn't listening and he did a better job. Then Dad rides off in a huff over something.

So now its a cooking challenge and Matt btw admits to being frustrated and running off in a huff. Zach and tory make cheesy spaghetti. What? Not some recipe from Amy's cook book? SO basically Tori does it while the entire family runs off. Amy is the judge btw. Jeremy and Jake have "omelat and a smoothie". They put hamburger in the omelat. Jeremy apparently has no idea how to make an omelat and it's sad. The smoothie has carrots and spinach and milk?  The "burrito" has peppers, jalapenos, hamburger... it honestly sounds gross.

Matt and Molly have fish tacos. Molly tells Matt to get her spinach. Yeah, Molly is the one who takes after Matt. The fish tacos look good. Amy gives Tory/Zach a 12, Jeremy and Jake a 9 and Matt/Molly a 15.

Now they are writing trivia questions? God this is dumb. Amy owns Matt. Jake and Zach both suck at family trivia. There's an endless debate over when Matt proposed to Amy and I so could care less. And pretty much they could care less too.

Now there's a soccer game and we kill a few minutes with that. Every waxes on soccer and then we're in the living room deciding who wins based on some fantasical system that is essentially devoid of meaning.

A commercial for next weeks ep implies all this family harmony? Hmmm for nothing as Matt and Amy continue the divorce debate.

Jake is number two and Jeremy is number one because you know, he's clearly not going to handle not geting his ass kissed. Matt notes how awesome it is and then next day everyone goes out to work on the trebuchet because they're kinda required by TLC. Amy is worried but Matt wants it so screw how anyone else feels about it. It works. Everyone eats tacos and honestly this was really pretty fake. By fake I mean this. What are the odds that there will ever be an unfilmed "family game day"?

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

New Episode of "Little People, Big World" Featuring The Roloffs: "Till Death Do Us Part" November 5th, 2013

Here is a preview and then review on the new episode of Little People, Big World, which is airing tonight at 9:00pm on TLC:

Little People, Big World (Season 9) Till Death Do Us Part TV-PG CC With pressure of the first wedding weighing heavily, tensions between Matt and Amy rise. Matt’s careless ways have complicated preparations and as the bride arrives, the Roloffs are woefully unprepared. Meanwhile, Rocky’s health continues to decline.


 Review Written By Rap541:

So for the record, it was announced on Jake Roloff's Twitter in December 2012 that the dog had cancer, and the dog died in June 2013.

Matt portrays this as a few weeks ago but the reality is that the diagnosis was some six months earlier. So the kids being told upon arriving from college at the end of spring semester is a lie. 

So the dog's got a hand up his ass and the doc says there's a giant tumor.... and nothing happens. The dog totters around. There's home movies of the dog in better days. The chat with the kids feels a tad forced and Jeremy blithely notes he's already lived longer than expected. 

They do some maintenance at the farm, oiling the road. Matt sends Jeremy to fix the road. Jeremy notes his father will criticize him no matter what. Matt seriously slurs his words talking to Jeremy. The wedding barn that was picked up last week with hay etc, is picked up again featuring the same hay. 

Matt and Amy meet with the wedding people. They want a country wedding, with boots and cowboys. The wedding planner asks about the bridal suite. Matt notes how there's nothing but there will be *something*. Another clue these people aren't paying for this. 

Matt demands Amy come to the office to discuss how she screwed up and insisted on burning down the bridal suite. He wants to trot in a manufactured home. Matt's visibly annoyed that Amy is not immediately on board. 

Caryn assigns chores to the kids. Wild West town is looking very ramshackle. Matt notes how he wants to serve champagne. The Saloon looks quite dirty. Matt finds Jeremy and asks "about school" and also wants to find the old wagon? The old wagon is gross. 

Two weeks to the wedding! Matt hauls the kids out to scour the saloon. Matt leaves them cleaning to check on Jeremy who is power washing the trailer. Zach notes how he's not interested in running the farm. Matt does some sort of guilt trip on the boys, noting how he needs them to pitch in. 

The week before the wedding! Amy notes how putting the bridal suite in the barn is icky. Matt wants a yurt. Amy thinks Matt should transform his office since it has a bathroom and a couch and no additional cost but NO! NOT MATT'S office - he wants a trailer!

Matt notes how the wedding season that he didn't advertise for is important. Btw there's only three weddings at this venue and all are filmed. Also Jeremy had someone refinish the wagon for him. Matt notes how "their" timing was perfect and he had to rent a trailer as a bridal suite. The groom and bride seem nice. They rehearse and oddly the officiant couldn't make the rehearsal so Matt stands in for the offiicant. It feels fake and contrived and an opportunity to Matt to get attention. 

Amy feeds Rocky special meals. She doesn't top my mom hand feeding her dog Riley a special pumpkin diet.

Matt notes he's gonna die. Amy gets annoyed with the "I'm gonna die " talk. The wedding is on. Amy notes Burgundy looks like death. Molly btw speaks and mostly looks annoyed at the whole business. The bride notes its hot and there's coffee and sandwiches and that's a vomit moment.

Three hours until the ceremony! The bride tells Matt about the vomit and wonders if the trailer shaking makes her vomit. Matt notes that the bride vomiting is a bad omen.

Meanwhile the tractor is dying! And the bride is made pretty. Molly and Jeremy are "mapping the route" to western town? Gosh how scary considering the whole "we've lived here our entire lives" thing. Jeremy notes he is to take photos because he's dreamed since a child to be a wedding photographer for daddy. The bride and groom seem sweet and I like their color scheme. I like the preacher. Matt shrieks for Jeremy and of course this is cut to look like it happens during the ring and kiss scene. OMG! WILL THE TRACTOR NOT START AND RUIN THE WEDDING??? MATT SHRIEKS AT JEREMY!

Sure enough, despite being a "close call" the tractor starts and Jeremy hauls the bride and groom to the saloon where there's a hee haw band and Matt in a cowboy hat and champagne. There's a brief dance in the saloon and its very obvious that the bride and groom were dragged down to the saloon solely for the cameras as none of their friends and family were there. They are hauled back to the reception. Oh look Audrey assisting Jeremy. Oh good, the bride and groom don't smoosh cake on each other. Matt notes he wants Jeremy to finish the wedding book. I notice how Jeremy is being emphasized as daddy's special helper. 

So Matt asks the family if they are having fun but *Jeremy* is surprising the family by taking them on a tractor ride! Because that sure sounds like Jer doesn't it? 

Matt demands Amy make a sandwich and Jeremy walks in and says "Rocky's dead!" 

Oh lord the dog is splayed out on the lawn. Everyone was clearly called to stand there. Matt rubs his eyes like President Obama does and then tells everyone to go dig a grave. Oh look the servants haul the body out and Matt makes a scene. Jeremy looks bored, Molly walks off. 

Matt gives us a speech about how he's gotta keep moving on despite the pain he feels for the dog he wanted to kill three years ago, specifying that he preferred Rocky die by shotgun because that's how Old Yeller bought it. Oh and hey, lets not forget Matt snickering with glee how his beloved pet was locked in a closet for three days and lost weight, or the Roloff kids asking each other "remember when we forgot to feed Rocky for a week" or Zach yanking the beloved dog up by the neck into the car, or Matt telling us how the dog had signs of an eye problem for close to a year and he was just getting into the vet.... 

 Look. I'm not a pet person. And it's very obvious to me that no one in the Roloff clan is a pet person. My mom was sobbing the day I had to help her get Sherman (Sherman Tank) our akita into the truck for the ride to the vet, and she was so upset, my brother had to hold her in the waiting room while I hugged the poor dog and made sure he had his Barney the Dinosaur plushie at the end. 

I didn't see a tear, and the Roloffs weren't raised British the way I was. Sorry folks, but a cancer diagnosis six months earlier... this feels all about the cameras and the Benjimans.