Little People, Big World A Bride and a Bulldozer
The third wedding of the season is a month away and the Roloffs have grand plans to make it the dreamiest, most magical ceremony yet! Matt and Amy hire an assistant, but she may do more harm than good - and their plans could literally come crashing down
Review Written By Rap541
Ok, so here’s the thing. I actually had this done and it was loaded up and then the computer ate it so I actually had to redo it and rewatch it.
So Jeremy lets us know how he hasn’t been home in a year and a half and how he just sees all these things he could be doing. This is voiced over as he manfully puts up some chicken wire. Funny, I am actually quite certain he’s been home a lot in the last year and a half and also that Mom and Dad voiced no concerns about him spending three or four months living with them with no apparent reason. Despite, you know, the fit they pitched at Zach.
Matt rolls up. Apparently Matt needs to let us know again how he spent years in the hospital and how awful it was and how he KNOWS what it is to be set free. That’s why having free range chickens is so important to him….
Matt also notes that while having Jeremy home is great, he’s worried that Jeremy, a grown man at 23, isn’t putting enough time into his school work. Since you know, Matt is all about school. Amy and Matt chat about why Jeremy has come home for the summer. They both seem to think it’s a very good question. I point out that clearly, we’re just going to ignore the whole “TLC is filming our family” reason and pretend there’s something darker involved. Both Matt and Amy seem to think Jeremy is ready to quit school for farm life…. Which btw is pretty much what Matt has said in several episodes that he wants, one of the kids to take over the farm, but of course, for the sake of this episode, school is very very important to Matt. He says they have to dumb down the farm for Jeremy. I don’t really get what he means by that.
The wedding couple show up in a cool classic car. Amy wants their car. Its Kevin and Meredith. There’s the standard tour of the farm and it’s a month away. The couple seems nice. He’s a fireman. She works in some way. He did a sweet proposal with a burning fire and a fire truck. Its cute.
So now, because Matt is all about Jeremy focusing on school, he and Amy are hiring a new assistant to help with the weddings. Amy asks a lot of questions about qualifications to the candidates which *amazes* Matt. He seems to think its bitchy. Matt wants someone fun, while Amy is all about someone qualified. They interview Heidi who seems to have no qualifications. Caryn asks her if she will clean up actual shit. Matt thinks she’s cute. There’s another candidate, Rose, who seems competent but Matt hates her because she’s forceful. Matt gets his way.
Amy notes Matt can’t handle Rose. He notes he can handle any employee, he just fires people who don’t do as he says. The decision is clearly already made but because it’s the show, Matt and Amy have to rock paper scissors over it. I also note that Matt’s office is a pigsty.
Jeremy sadly looks at his books and confesses how he loves learning but reading and being on the computer and answering questions about financial things is just not stimulating at all. Poor baby! Also its sort of interesting to note that the room Jeremy is in looks like an office in the garage. As in, it looks like a room in the house until the camera pulls away and you see the concrete floor and trashcans and bare space.
So the groom is building a head table with wine barrels and a chandelier, and an arbor. Matt insists on helping by holding a barrel while it’s sawed and doesn’t wear safety glasses. There’s a montage of the groom manfully building things and I wish he’d take his shirt off. Matt makes a show of displaying himself, and also notes while Kevin is competent, he’s taking on too much.
Matt now leads Amy to the wine cellar to discuss the “special moment” that they always plan for the bride and groom. The wine cellar looks like it hasn’t been touched since the last episode it was in. There’s a frog on the table, there’s standing water in puddles. Amy openly wonders about snakes. She also wonders why it leaks and frankly so do I because that basement was previously filled with water and I kinda wonder if that’s such a great investment. Especially if you know, its used all of once a year. I mean, do these people take care of things?
Heidi wanders in as the new hire. Matt is all “welcome to chaos”. There’s a lengthy bit where Heidi asks for the cameras how Matt and Amy met and a montage of Heidi decorating and mopping. Matt decides to give her more responsibility since she’s so awesome. Btw the wedding house looks undone with no skirting at all around the house and stacks of building materials next to it. A bit eye sore-ish for a brand new place. Matt condescends to trust her with driving a mule and makes a show of screaming yeah baby!
Jeremy lifts a straw bale and Matt calls him in because Matt is so concerned about Jeremy’s school work. Jeremy notes at this point – two weeks in theory before the wedding, that his courses are going good. Matt gives him a paycheck and again expresses how important it is that Jeremy do well in school. Jeremy looks and sounds totally bored with the conversation. Matt notes to the cameras how Jeremy is drifting and will sink.
One week to the wedding, Heidi is doing things all wrong, and Matt yells at her and notes how stupid she is for getting the mule stuck in a ditch. Sweet Jesus people! He had to call Jeremy away from his so very important school work to rescue the mule!
You know, if school is this important to Matt, why didn’t he kick up any fuss at Jeremy taking an entire semester off? You know, so he could go to the
with Matt and hang around for Mueller’s wedding? Matt notes that Heidi is
annoying, what with wearing wings to work. Matt decides Heidi is too dumb to be
trusted so he dumps her off with Zach and Jake, and gives them the crappy chore
of cleaning the wine cellar and decorating. The place looks pretty bad. Bahamas
Jeremy wanders in to the office. Jeremy is a little backed up with his school work and has homework and tests to do so he’s “opting out” of working the wedding. Matt is shocked! Jeremy smirks as Matt plays it up. For the record, Jeremy, like Matt and Amy, isn’t much of an actor, this is a clearly staged moment. Matt notes how proud he is of Jeremy being so responsible. Matt totally thinks homework is a priority! And he better not see Jeremy goofing around on the wedding day, to which Jeremy snots “yep yep” as he walks out.
Ok so let me explain what’s wrong here, and it’s not that Matt “I went to the school of hard knocks and school isn’t important” Roloff has suddenly gotten on the homework train (for Jeremy anyway). No, folks, it’s that Jeremy Roloff is a lazy indulged immature piece of crap. What? Rap is being too harsh? Folks, Jer-bear is a 23 year old man who, counting his community college years, has been in college for years and has taken this summer off, thereby getting even more behind and still has at least a year to go. I’ve taken online college courses. Part of the student’s responsibility as an *adult* is to manage one’s time. In theory, what we saw was Jeremy essentially telling his boss he couldn’t come into work because he was too backed up with his own personal concerns. Do you want to know what a real employer, and not Daddy Matt, would say to that? “Either you show up to work, or I get someone else, your personal issues aren’t my problem.” But… no… Daddy Matt tells Jeremy how PROUD he is to hear that Jer-bear is so far behind in his school work, there’s no way he can work the wedding and still pass.
Seriously, he told Jeremy that Jeremy was being responsible. A 23 year old man can’t manage his time and that’s Matt’s idea of a good thing.
Kevin the groom is bringing his projects in. The chandelier is tied off on camera. It does look nice. They walk off and it promptly crashes. Matt yells dude at the groom’s brother. I kinda think this was faked for the cameras. The shop btw looks utterly disgusting. There’s wine on the kitchen counter.
Amy and Matt debate salami and cupcakes. Yes yes, we get the script, Matt and Amy. Seriously the faux arguing over the salami cupcakes reminds me why these two aren’t actors. And now we badly segue way into the product placement cupcakes, made by Hershey’s! Note the full shot of Hershey’s website and the chocolate wrappers on full display. Also Amy, brides getting into white dresses probably don’t want chocolate frosting anywhere near them.
Heidi is sent to sweep glass. Kevin works hard. Zach and Jake have a staged scene with Matt. A tent goes up. The new chandelier is magically twice the size of the old chandelier. It is a cool looking piece. We have some chat from the couple. People arrive for the rehearsal. They’re having the dogs as their ring bearers.
It’s the day of the wedding. Jeremy asks Molly to help with his schoolwork. Actually he’s taking an exam and needs “guidance” on the questions. Molly is basically explaining balance sheets to him. Ok, seriously, Molly, HD is not your friend. Please ask your mom or dad to take you to a dermatologist. There might be something that can help that acne. I really don’t mean that unkindly. When I paused the video, her skin just looked raw. Please do something.
Now Daddy Matt looks on and asks how it was going. Matt now notes that this class was *critical* for Jeremy – which of course is why Matt is so gosh darned proud of how Jeremy did nothing and had to get out of work in order to get his school work done. Yup, Matt’s proud that Jeremy made “the right decision” in blowing off his school work until the last minute.
Now more couple stuff. The camera doesn’t linger on it long but the new bridal house totally looks like a construction zone. Amy comes in with cupcakes. She shares the insane salami cupcakes idea and they all laugh.
Amy notes that Heidi seems to have gotten more competent. I do like the kite decorations. Now we have some bride stuff since the Roloff family really doesn’t want to actually be on the show. Now the wedding begins. Is the barn part of the venue essentially as nothing but a back drop? The couple is sweet, I just don’t feel like recapping them. Needless to say, out of the 42 minutes of this show, the bride and groom got a good 16 minutes of the airtime.
Now Matt and Amy haul the couple to the dank wine cellar. Amy actually expresses concern about what it will look like since she hasn’t been down since the earlier filmed moment with the standing water, frogs and snakes. I note that people who are actually running a business will usually actually check on things before they go forward. It looks nice. Matt gives them a cute bottle of wine. There’s champagne. Matt notes how it was gorgeous.
Now there’s cake eating. The groom and bride dance around. Matt notes how everything on the farm is an eyesore. He decides that the middle of the wedding is the right time to get the bulldozer. Amy chases after him. Amy gets up on the scoop and smirks and yells at Matt. Amy shakes her ass at him, he fake shouts he never gets his way and will completely reconfigure the farm!
Back to the bride and groom who eat s’mores and say thanks to Matt and Amy. I swear we spend two minutes saying good bye.
Now Amy and Matt argue over stuff. Matt insists on reinventing. Amy notes he never appreciates anything and never finishes things.