Review Written By Rap 541
You know, Auj and Jer are such hipsters, and Matt loves projects so, why aren’t these two new marrieds having Daddy Matt build them a *tiny house*? Tiny houses are all the rage, so cute and hip and sure to get some notice from other networks… I bet now that I have mentioned it, Matt will have the kids living with their own composting toilets. Also don’t be fooled, the sneak peaks are from the upcoming episode.
Also RadarOnline is reporting the divorce is final. Who will date first???
So this is about pumpkin season. Credits have changed again. Amy chases her dog, Felix. Amy is all “I’m sad but empowered and I have a rescue dog!” She thinks her current relationship with Matt is “all business”.
Matt is on the Atv with his lil dog. He is loaded into the track hoe for stuff.
Now we’re in Bend. Jeremy and Auj are heading to the farm since pumpkin season is three weeks away and they don’t have jobs. It’s raining as they drive and as Jeremy intones wisely on how he and Auj’s plans are absolutely that they will take over the farm.
Tory is heading to school and Zach is making stuff and heading over to the farm. Tory btw does seem to work. Zach heads to the farm, where Jeremy and Auj aren’t there yet. Amy is all its stressful. Matt notes how he’s completely challenged. Auj’s outfit is hilarious.
Matt wants safe, clean, affordable fun. He also wants to blow away every record. However since all records are kept by Matt…. Zach wants to do goldpanning. Jeremy admits he’s never actually done a tour, that all he did is drive tractors. Amy wants to do kiddie stuff. She wants to do a seed spitting contest. Auj notes there is huge tension.
They were open 18 or 15 years ago, no one seems to know. Jeremy notes how he was on the farm while Auj was not.
Btw commercial breaks are lengthy.
Jer loves being on the farm and wants to chat up Zach and Tory. There’s reminiscing about Bend. There’s talk of kids. No one but Zach is anxious for kids. The twins are both “wow this is a lot of work!” which is interesting. Now a monologue of Jeremy noting how he WANTS the farm and the divorce might screw that up.
Jeremy wants to do a project. Matt adores it! Matt basically says if Jeremy wants it, then yay.
Amy meanwhile wants to do crafts. Tory wants it to be random and open. Zach is doing “gold panning” in a trench.
FIVE DAYS TILL PUMPKIN SEASON! Amy is all “we might sell it all off”. Matt and Amy meet over the salsa offerings. In theory its doing really well but Matt worries about the investment. Matt wants to order a lot of salsa.
So they are doing a project called the “rail roller” and Jeremy is cutting and Matt implies its not working but it does. Oh look Zach and Tory praying before eating. Zach isn’t fond of crowds but is willing to try.
Two days until opening. Jeremy has made the Rail Roller. I don’t get how it is fun, to be honest, but then I also think the gold panning thing is kinda dumb…
One day until opening! There’s teepees, and Amy is all “our 26 year old sons are finally getting how much work this is”. Matt notes how painting shit isn’t happening because Amy is dumb. Amy notes that she owns some part of the farm.
So basically there’s an arts and crafts tent. There's pumpkin decorating and Auj notes how someday SHE WILL HAVE A LARGER ROLE! BEWARE! KHALEESI IS COMING TO WESTEROS! Oh course Jer’s tube thing is deemed a total success with no actual critical comment but Jer and Auj.
And of course the gold panning thing is depicted as getting too crazy.
After commercial, Caryn gives quick advice and Zach is all confident now.
Now we have Jer and Auj actually giving a tour instead of driving a tractor. They’re pretty much clueless. Jer is also holding a coffee, and Auj reiterates how they plan to take over the farm eventually.
Caryn runs in to Matt’s office to note the salsa isn’t moving. Amy is called by Matt to deal with the “salsa problem”. Matt vaguely tells Amy to sell more salsa.
There’s a commercial for thanksgiving where Amy tells someone to shove it up something.
Btw for the record, I find it *hilarious* that the first time Big Boy Jer the Awesome ever did an actual pumpkin tour as the host is when he’s 25 and married. Guess I was right when I noted how Jeremy was allowed to hide from the crowds by driving the tractor and not interacting. Anyone who wants to gripe.. please do note he’s admitting he’s 25 and doing his first tour NOT EVEN BY HIMSELF.
Amy tries to sell the pumpkin salsa by dressing up as a bee. Matt and Amy have a moment over the salsa. Now they’re pitching all the visitors out. Matt is pleased his two 25 year old sons actually worked for once. Now Jer and Auj leave and Matt and Amy don’t mention Zach and Tory leaving.
Next up the horror of thanksgiving.
REVIEW WRITTEN BY PODGE/RODGE GROUPIE
What am I saying! The twins? Not ONLY Special Jer?. There was a bit of conflict, I feel, over the separate agendas given in this episode. Zach said he needs to work many more hours on the farm to make it viable. But Jeremy thinks he taking it over completely. How is this “dynamic” going to work? Will Jer be given everything, and Zach will be an employee and “just like a nigger” to Special Jer? I do not think there is enough there. Not in intelligence, not in talent, and not in ambition. Doomed.
REVIEW WRITTEN BY PODGE/RODGE GROUPIE
Review of “Seeds of Change”
Before we start on the ‘new’ episode, a few notes on ‘Episode 12’. This is becoming a popular tactic used by TLC, The History Channel et al. The last week’s ‘content’ is re-run, with about 7 minutes of what I think is called B Roll, the stuff that didn’t make it onto the first airing. In old metaphor, the TLC editors get sore backs picking up all the 35mm B Roll off the cutting room floor (under the direction of the Executive Producers?) however I’m sure we have not seen the last of the filming of these episodes. I didn’t mind it really in the last couple of seasons, but there doesn’t seem to be too much new here. Or much about some halfway compelling information that is worthy of attention.
On to offering. Why they replayed the horribly staged doughnut caper, the conflicts, and the overuse of the word ‘dynamic’ by Jeremy is beyond me. More mileage I suppose. In the new opening, Jeremy is photo’d holding a glass of wine. It might be better to change that. “We’re the Roloffs, and out story goes on” Yeah, ad nauseum. Amy haybales and walks Felix, noted as a ‘rescue dog’ Uh, OK. Despsite any training Felix might have, he’s built a little too close to the ground to save Any from, say, the Cascadian Subduction Zone quake and tsunami, but if she feels safe, who are we to question? She feels it’s tough, but she is empowered. She also wonders how they are going to make this work. Well Amy, as I’ve stated before both you and Matt are self-centered, stubborn people who could not care less about each other except for their own agenda, and should not have been married in the first place and don’t derserve to be married now. But hey, knock yourselves out, I’m sure you’ll let us know how it goes. Yay.
Let’s go to Bend. I’m uneasy about statements from Audrey that they moved to be “closer to our inheritance”, and Jeremy saying he can more easily “help” and they will learn about “taking over the farm” and how they will formulate “our plan”. It seems a bit vulture-isk to me. This is also starting a conflict I will get into later. I see no reason why Special Jer has to ask his wife if she packed her toothbrush. On national TV.
Let’s go to Portland. If we remember last week’s episode, we get to see Zach’s ‘process’ for getting a bowl to have some cereal. Nothing about rinsing and putting it in the left sink. A bit of a letdown. His wife appears, after preparing for a WORK day. Something bothers me here about the ‘process’. Why can’t a couple dishes, cups, bowls, plates, be put in the lower shelf to make access easy for Zach. There is no rule that dishes MUST go in the upper cupboard. Besides, if Zach is emptying the dishwasher, it would be easy for him to put just a couple of dishes in the lower shelf for himself to access easily. He doesn’t watt to remove all the dishes from the dishwasher, as it gives him a nice opportunity to check out his wife’s butt. Zach mentions how the farm is a ton of work, and takes a ton of money, and mom and dad can just as easily sell and retire, but Special Jer and Zach must help to keep the farm in the family.
The meeting. For goodness sake, the staged phone call to Special Jer because they have not arrived yet? The actor’s craft is still lost on these people. They arrive, and Auj’s dress reminded me of Archie Bunker’s first view of his daughter in a miniskirt. “Jeez, if it were any higher it’s be a scarf!” I enjoyed Matt’s emphasis on safety, yeah Matt after you settled put of court on a million dollar lawsuit. The family which apparently is just the twins will be helping more and taking a bigger role. Zach pipes up to volunteer for gold panning. Amy just has to step up at the end of the meeting. Just has to. Matt was not impressed, and we can’t imagine why. Special Jer is so far out the door that his “Let’s go to work” must be a voiceover, and a funny one at that!
Let’s take a break here to discuss the ridiculous notion that TLC is a christian channel. I’m referring to adverts for “Sister Wives” and “I am Jazz” both chock-block full of faith and family values.
The kids chat in the are where the pumpkins are stacked. Zach notes that he’s 26 already and it’s time to help more often. OK. Mom and dad being business partners causes notable tension. By the way, where and when did the arrangement rear its ugly head? Further, if the divorce is final, don’t the assets have to be accurately noted and clearly titled to the owner or owners? We know Amy was never this involved before. Yet, she says after all it’s partly my farm. It has ALWAYS been partly your farm, dearie. Is she protecting her share of the assets? And if so, how are the assets divided?
Amy has an idea about a craft table or craft area for kids. Myself, why not? She was an assistant at a pre-school, no? More later. Zach has ideas about the gold panning. I enjoyed his lines that it’s fun work and he had suggestions for his dad and his dad was actually listening!! At 5 days prior, Amy mentions that they like each other enough to be business partners. What? In who’s fantasy world? Mind you, they did agree on the salsa production, as it will be a high margin money-maker.
Much false drama was made over cutting a piece of drainage pipe for a Special Jer project, enough already. My wonderment why Matt has yet to get one of his crutches rammed down his throat just to shut the arrogant micro-manager up is starting to wane. Zach and Tori discuss the confidence she has given him. This was mentioned more than once in this episode, later at the gold panning trough. I hope that they don’t milk this too much and destroy the message, but with the Executive Producers having their say, we’ll get sick of hearing this, I’m afraid. And by the way, it was mentioned when Zach and Tori went out for dinner that the real reason Zach always charges to the front of the crowd is, he can’t see! If they walk into a crowded theater lobby or restaurant waiting are, all Zach can see is people’s backsides. Nice view.
Pumpkin Season!! And……….Amy is late. Late to open the craft tent and area. Late to her own pop-up restaurant a few seasons ago. Late to get in the van to drive to the airport. Late. Late. I’ve mentioned before people with the compulsion to be late. She has always been late, but she tells Matt to “shove it up your ass” when comes over to The House That MR Built for Thanksgiving dinner. That joke will be next week.
Special Jer is quite happy with his idea, but I’ve never heard the expression that it’s a good “industrial” “Farm” “Thing” to do. What the Hell is he talking about? It’s just a silly choice of words to sound somewhat special. Please. Zach mentions during the panning trough painting discussion that mom and dad really know how to push each others buttons. They’re in it for the money, Zach. And they just can’t help themselves. No other reason is feasible. The craft area was good because Amy and Tori genuinely enjoy children and the kids like them. The Special Jer/Auj tour was a bit odd, for all the time Jeremy has heard the tour script over the years, he sure didn’t pick up any of it. And this “hope to run it” idea is unnerving.
The salsa crisis. I laughed when Amy said, “Well, I’m down here at the pumpkin thing” What? You don’t even know where you are? You are so drastically trying to convince the world you actually have something to say and you can’t articulate your location? Goodness gracious.
Anyway, the bee idea seemed good, what with the pesticide and GMO driven destruction of the honey bee and their importance to the food chain, and also the photo ops that came from it along with the attention brought to the pavilion. Then the meeting after the final day. What a quick pumpkin season!!!! Hey, I wonder if we’ll see any B Roll coming up in future episodes? Everybody weighed in. Everybody was happy. They must make a whole pile of money from 5800 guests, 2-1/2 days a week in October to support the farm. I don’t think the twins have a chance.