Review Written by Rap541
So my only real take away from the bonus footage in the prior episode is that Matt is clearly looking for property in Hawaii. I won’t go all House Hunters on you but it’s really expensive property. There’s a second house that is more dwarf orientated. Matt ponders whether he can have the Hawaii life with or without selling the farm. A guess? For the property we saw? He’ll need to sell. Also in the bonus footage there’s some open drooling over the property there.
New ep! We start at Matt’s trailer. Matt whines more about how he’s trailer trash. He asks Amy’s permission to change the flooring. He wants a wood floor. Amy basically asks how much it will cost and Matt insists it will cost less than the kitchen redo Amy just did.
Audrey just wanders in even tho she lives three hours away. Amy is in her bathrobe telling Auj how she is gonna get tatted up. Auj seems pleasantly horrified. Amy loves the idea and she’s so having a midlife crisis. Auj presses for a tat that’s something like “Always more”. Seriously, considering the three hour drive, I find myself wondering who is supposed to be fooled here.
Matt continues to state how he’s too awesome to live like trailer trash, and he’s “putting lipstick on a pig” in trying to renovate the disgusting shithole that is his beloved doublewide. Zach meanwhile is oddly obsessed with replacing his gate because Sully might escape.
Honestly really? Our issue today is the gate? And Amy’s tat? Tory and Zach clearly only allow filming in the front room and the kitchen. Tory notes that Zach isn’t the greatest in home repair and Zach notes that this is an awesome story for the camera! Zach is calling Matt and Jer! What a lil sell out! Funny how Jer and Auj are always available to drive three hours for things like… gate repair.
Meanwhile at Matt’s bachelor pad, he has a designer and hardwood floors and a party after the new paint he wants! He fairly openly flirts with his designer. They may paint the cabinets red?
Back at Zach’s place, Matt is demanding Jeremy show up. Jeremy shows up in his restored BMW. OMG really? Is fixing a gate this hard? My MOM did this at our house, and she’s 74! Zach notes that if he doesn’t ride Matt and Jeremy, this will never get done. Zach, between you and me, I think you’re getting a trade out.
Interesting that no one at all seems concerned that Jeremy, a working MAN with a wife, apparently has no job to be concerned with. I can guess why Jeremy hasn’t manfully offered to *pay* for the farm he wants so much.
Back on the farm, Amy is plotting her tattoo and calls someone to chat up her feelings on tattoos. Amy is all “I am so dangerous! Thinking of a tat!”
Jeremy tells Zach how the project over the gate has totally escalated and I roll my eyes because… it’s a gate. I mean…. It’s just a gate. It’s clearly good that Jeremy hasn’t had any ambition to do anything with his life if he thinks “fixing a gate” is a major crisis. I’d hate to think what the world would be like if Jeremy held any position of responsibility since “fixing a gate” is a crisis to him. Gosh, can you imagine if Jeremy had to deal with anything that wasn’t minor? Like a sick disabled child, for example? I am so glad these kids haven’t gotten pregnant. I also note that Jeremy lives in Bend and is out on the farm in Hillsboro screwing around with the ever so important gate…. Shouldn’t Jeremy be doing weddings? Or at least insisting that the gate work is about learning about the farm?
Zach is kind of appalled about Amy’s tat. Matt wanders in during the tat talk. Amy is awkward telling Matt. Amy is clearly having a midlife crisis. Matt is vaguely appalled. Amy is like “oh well” over that.
Zach and Jeremy take the gate out to the bonfire to masturbate over it and brand it because this isn’t for the cameras at all! Zach notes how there’s new hardwood floors in the double wide and Jeremy is non committal except that he really wants mom and dad to be his mom and dad married forever. Jeremy’s inability to accept the divorce or consider it in any terms other than how it affects him personally is getting sad. The brand stuff would be cute if it wasn’t so pretentious.
Matt is having stuff painted yellow? Or red? Ok.
Back at Zach and Tory’s, the gate is finally being fixed because this is clearly a several weeks chore. A chore that Jeremy who lives in Bend has days and days to piddle around in Hillsboro over.
Omg there is a 4x4 piece of wood missing and there’s drama! Because no one in driving age with a car can go to home Depot, Matt, Jeremy and Zach are all confounded by this crisis of the gate! But Bill drops off the precious forgotten piece of wood and the gate is FINALLY fixed. Matt is all “OMG THIS ISN’T ON THE FARM!” and it’s all stupid.
Amy and Lisa head out for some tat bonding. Amy is all “ITS TAT TIME!” I sorta hope she does it because this is such a pretentious tat place. I personally don’t care for tats but I am going to do a henna tattoo - not permanent – on both arms for dragoncon.
So Amy heads into the tat place. Amy is all “TAT ME UP!” She notes that it hurts. It actually looks good, tho I don’t get the sentiment. But I am not good with tats so… Amy is all “well this wasn’t so bad so, maybe we’ll get her on a tat spinoff show.
Back at the double wide, Matt is staging a stag party where everyone kisses his ass and drinks. Oddly Zach is questioned about the gate which is a weird thing for people to bring up. This is a sausage fest and Matt moans to friends how hard the divorce is on him. Matt is all “I’m not thrilled to live here” and really, he has a really nice house so the endless bitching how he’s too good to live in such a shithole irks.
Next week! Amy may date but it’s probably a tease and Matt may nearly kill himself but its’ probably a tease. Oh and hey I caught the Jer and Auj interview where they were asked what they were doing and basically non answered with nothing. Bless their hearts!
Review Written By Podge/Rodge groupie
Review Written By Podge/Rodge groupie
Review of “No Pain, No Gain” airing July 5
We'll start with the B Bonanza in the almost re-run of last week's episode. Pursuant to a point made last week, it is very obvious TLC does too have much in its vault as far as series, specials or anything else for that matter that can fill up the airtime. This is not the only series that TLC does this “re-run with B Roll added” do they must be hurting for any content.
As an example, TLC adds an extra scene showing Special Jer and Amazing Auj.....not knowing which way is up. I'm kidding, they don't know their cardinal points and general direction. Really? And these are college graduates? Good Grief. Bonus #2, Matt goes house hunting (perhaps when Amy is trying to find herself) in Kohala Ranch. A little bit of research shows that estates currently for sale on what I believe are the 3 and 5 acres lots are in the range of $1.725M - $2.175M. The 10 acres lots at the top are appear to be #3.5M and up. Bonus #3, During the helicopter tour, “Hey, look. There's Kohala Ranch. Boy those are nice houses.” What do you know about that? Bonus #4, Amy saying right at the end of the show, “Yeah, it would be nice to rent a place for a couple of weeks or whatever, and then come home. To the farm.” Joni Mitchell sang in “Big Yellow Taxi”, 'Don't it always seem as though, that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone........' keep your head up Amy lol! Also, I'm hoping sincerely that everyone realizes this was a set up with TLC and its Executive Producers (including Matt Roloff and Amy Roloff) to be able to keep the show going. Matt, “I don't know too many divorced couples who can take a family vacations and get along as well as Amy and I did.” Really? Especially when TLC is footing the bill to have at least a trace of content on their network? And Matt never misses an opportunity to do his “Gosh gee, I/We are soooooo awesome!” Who is the more desparate, here? The Roloffs, or TLC? Good Grief
On to this week's fun and frivolity. Matt is angry and openly pouts about the fact that Amy gets to do improvements on the big house and he in the shitty little DW like a third class citizen. Boo Hoo for you, Matt. Who walked out on who? The budget question – does anyone remember if they hosted a storyline on Amy asking Matt about re-painting her cupboards and telling him she'd like to do it and how much it would cost? I sure don't. Matt rides off into the sunset claiming a tremendous victory. Good Grief.
Audrey 'knocks' and makes her entrance. “Jer and I came back from Bend to Hillsboro REALLY often (WHY????) and the farm and my parent's place are homes away from home. Amy and I spend SO much time together.” I like Audrey's quick little glance at the camera when she's laughing and clapping and covering her face with her hands, (am I 'on'? Did you get that guys? Yes dear, you're the center of everyone's world right now.) so Amy describes and draws a tattoo with her name in it. Audrey knows enough to tell her you do not put your own name on your body. You can't say, “D'OH!” after it's done, Amy lol! It's interesting Amazing Auj comes in from one entrance to the kitchen, and leaves from the other, going into a part of the house that does not include the front door. And by the way Auj? Stop stealing coffee cups. Good Grief.
Matt's house. The floor is going in. Zach appears for no reason whatsoever. Matt pouts again that your mom is always (always?) fixing up her house and I'm just trying to keep up. I don't deserve to live out my years in this place. Matt, pick your lip up off the floor and change your diaper. Voiceover - “We've got work to do, people” uh, no, Matt. They have work to do. At his micro-managing best. Still have no idea why Zach was there. He didn't ask for help with the gate until later.
Zach's house. I've no idea why the screen door's open. I might remind the Special Jer idolaters (which is a sin) it appears Zach has no trouble helping with the house chores, like the dishes, and Zach has a part-time job and Special Jer has.....? He likes owing his own home, working on the house, etc. OK Zach, there's not much wrong with the gate. The hardware's fine, it's true the wood could use a clean and re-stain, and yes the 4X4, which is there now but disappears later, is quite loose. It's funny how he plays peek-a-boo with Sully after putting out the garbage, the leaves the gate open (??) when he leads Sully into the house. Tori gets home. Nice wall hanging, “Do what is right, love, mercy, and walk humbly with your god.” Also a cute little poster above the cooker, “All I need is a little bit of coofee and a whole lot of Jesus” we've never seen anything like that in the Golden couple's house. Hmmmmm. It's funny how Zach gets so busted about leaving projects, and yes we do see the interior of the garage later. Zach's speaking the truth on how his dad and Jer have great ideas, super ideas, but then don't follow through with them and finish them, makes it super stressful. Good Grief.
Tammy the Interior Designer shows up at Matt's house. I think it was a big ego trip for her to have her personal lackeys in tow. Drama! Will she get things done in time for the party. This has gotten sooooo old.
Jeremy is late, or just has to make an entrance perhaps, at Zach's house. The garage is a mess. Why is the nice dog house that Matt made for Sully STILL sitting in the garage? It might imply the value placed on it? Getting together to do projects. I wonder if they still use the geo-thermal heating system. The assessment has Zach worried about daddy and Special twin ripping of the gate, then leaving him high and dry. You've said this already, Zach. Move on. Did they do a copy/paste on the Storyline Cheat Sheet? You keep them motivated Zach. Flashback in the crisis center. Special Jer says the projects sometime spin out of control. The trip to the fire pit is just hilarious. You are branding one board, why bring the whole gate? They don't even screw it on the gate until they put the gate up. Good Grief.
Amy phones and starts the whole hum-haw how much-of-this-can-we-stand song and dance about the tattoo. Zach walks in to get some of his soccer stuff from the laundry room. What? Do some work on your justifications, people. Think of a more believable reason for him to be there. Zach is all whatever about the tattoo. Then Matt appears. WHAT???? So what about, “I never go to Matt's house, he never come to my house, so we meet at the office it's more like neutral ground. Well, all that's right out the window now. Staged, staged, staged. Good Grief.
Zach's house. SJ-“Hey, Pop.” M-”You got everything?” SJ-”I hope so.” The is getting soooooo old. Did I write that before? Buddy Bill was close to the farm. And 2 2X6's does not a 4X4 make. And of course they took the time to belabour the point about doing projects off the farm at Zach's house.
The tattoo. Lisa, if Amy calls you for moral support, don't sit there in the SUV and say, “Are you sure you really want to od this?” A wingperson is for support. Such horrible acting. Drag it on and on and on. Good grief. “What, was I drinking when I said I wanted this?” Probably, Amy. Probably. Hey Amy, did you ever think that getting the tattoo on your shoulder would mean that the writing will ALWAYS be covered by a bra or dress strap? And the tan lines therein? It is just the right size to fit in between the straps in the center of your back. Always fully visible. Good Grief.
Matt's party. We're awesome for staying together on the farm for the kids etc. Good Grief.