Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Little People, Big World: New Episode December 20, 2016

Here is a review of the latest episode of Little People, Big World which aired December 20th, 2016 on TLC featuring the Roloff.

Review written by Rap541

I am waiting on extra scenes. I have an odd question for Audrey – if she loves curly hair so much that she gleefully describes her hair as afro curly but she is constantly wearing extensions that are straight hair. Oh bonus scene! Rick has come out to be Matt’s illustrator. Rick does comics. The plot of the book sounds like every vague rant Matt has done on how his ass needs to be kissed since he survived his bitter painfilled isolated childhood where he was always the picked on victim.

So now the bonus scene is Amy and Jeremy setting up the tents and it’s a disaster. Isn’t Jeremy supposed to be a master woodsman, camper extraordinaire? Let’s watch as Jeremy crashes and burns.

Oh yay! Matt is doing Doomsday Preppers! Because the prep movement needs this. So Amy is cleaning the pool and Matt is screaming on the walkie how there’s an emergency and Matt demands everyone get on the ATV and then begins lecturing them all on how its not a real emergency but he and Jeremy have a plan to plan for emergencies.

Amy rationally notes that the walkies are silly when they have cell phones. Jeremy loves the “prepper box” and the end of the world. Oh Jeremy, in the post apocalypse, you’ll so be someone’s bitch. Matt wants the family to conjugate in the prepper box in the woods. I meanwhile note that Matt is telling us and showing us all where the Roloff prepper box will be. Jeremy is all “Auj didn’t wan’t to be a part of this .” Matt keeps assigning it to Jeremy, and Tory meanwhile is all “this is basically how we will die, in a Blair Witch sequel”.

Matt natters on in a meeting with the family about stockpiling. Amy notes that pumpkin season is coming but Matt is all “screw that! This is my opportunity to be King Shit of the Prepper Box!”

Honestly this already feels disrespectful to legit preppers. And its noticeable that no one seems to have a reasonable idea of what prepping is.

Matt is all about his list of essentials and wants to have an emergency practice. Amy is against it and Matt boots her and she notes how this is already turning into the walking dead. Apparently they’re going to ring a bell and they all have to raise to the box. Matt is stocking the prepper box with beef jerky, brie and salami. He also wants a ton of guns and curtain to cover the bucket they will squat in. Since they won’t film the squatting, I think it’s a lie. It’s also very very noticeable that Audrey isn’t there at all and apparently won’t be participating.

Matt thinks its totally productive.  They go to an army navy store and start trying on helmets. Honestly its so fucking ridiculous, its hard to recap as Zach tries on flight suits. Now there’s a shipping container and Jeremy thinks its too big. Jeremy thinks burying it is clever. Except that as we see, it’s not actually buried.  But the episode is still young.  I just suspect that the storage container will have some dirt and netting thrown on it. Let’s see.

Molly makes an appearance. She is offered a mimosa and pumpkin bread by Amy, and is excited about the new job. Amy brags about her parties and Molly’s new motorcycle riding step daddy.  Amy basically implies that the whole prepper thing is a ridiculous project and Molly is like “oh jeez”. She heads out to see Matt in the men’s crisis center and demands answers. Matt takes her to the creepy dungeon in the woods. Because all farms need a creepy storage container in the woods. Matt is worried about ISIS and zombies. So the “underground storage unit” is actually totally above ground. Molly worries about practical concerns like “is the bunkbed thing actually secure”.

The box is completely open and visible. I mean, it’s a blue metal box sitting in the woods. 

Amy has all sorts of canned goods and Matt notes how impossible it will be to heat food and really, no, that’s actually not true. Survival shelters CAN and DO have cooking features IF YOU BOTHER TO PUT THEM IN. If you just dump a storage container onto your property and treat it like a play house then I agree, cooking in it is kind of dumb. But the point here is that its actually possible to create a liveable prepper shelter. Jeremy, in his idiocy, is correct when he states that he and Matt are basically playing “fort”. Because they are.

Matt rants how Amy isn’t getting it and how he needs a “thinking table”. Jeremy meanwhile is setting childish booby traps. Jeremy calls Audrey because even though she’s not coming, he wants to stock it for her. She of course wants condoms! Because that’s who Audrey is!

The box is covered with netting? No, there’s a wall of netting. Amy is also against the chemical toilet. Now they wait for the test to begin. Tory is coming, Audrey isn’t. Amy reminisces over the remodel. Oh I love it – they all get to the box and turn on the lights and leave open the doors with the lights on. Matt notes how serious he is about it by putting on a mini ghillie suit. Zach opens the canned food. Amy yells they need rationing.
Oh look Audrey turned up and Tory is taking her out to the storage container and the shelter is totally lit up and I seriously question the real reality of including the dogs. But then this is clearly a farce to the whole family, its basically letting Matt and Jeremy pretend to be men. I mean seriously, they’re actually grunting.

Tory and Audrey are wandering out and trigger a booby trap that…. Makes noise. Oh Jeremy, do you watch The Walking Dead? Do you know why Camp Dinner Bell is called Camp Dinner Bell? Auj thinks it’s a cute “underground” home. The doors are locked. Also apparently there’s no silverware so everyone has to eat with their hands. Then everyone needs to go to bed. Then Zach needs the toilet. Matt then gets all “I have anxiety”. At 1am Sully or Zach farts.

Then everyone gets up and btw the storage container is totally not buried or concealed at all. Ok so here’s the thing. I am so not against preppers. I prep. I thinking prepping is, when you’re not being an idiot about it, a good idea. The basic objection I have to the prepper storage container is that its not concealed, it clearly has no source of water, and it clearly isn’t off the grid. Oh  and Jer’s booby traps are basically booby brained little boy ideas that he smirked over. This was basically Matt and buddy Jer taking a great big shit on the concept and making prepping for disaster look like a bunch of idiots being stupid.  Worse, they clearly were mocking the concept which means they are even lower than the idiots on Doomsday Preppers and Doomsday Castle.


Anonymous said...

Rap, you nailed it. the only thing worth noting was that Any DID have a can opener, YET no VI Poo---? OMG....whf...? lololol

Sara said...

What the actual hell did Auj have on her head? Who wears a hat like that to play fort? Jeez, woman. And...condoms?!?

That may have been the worst episode of anything I've seen on The Live Circus. What happened to respectable little people like Bill Klein and Jennifer Arnold? Why are we bombarded with these fools?

Pumpkin Salsa said...

Okay, so no offence to monkeys, but the Roloffs have really gone over the edge with this episode. Matt is at his kookiest, and in this episode , they are really just TLC's dancing monkeys at this point. They ALL seem to be drinking the kool aid, pumpkin flavored of course, and the Auj and Tori are either reluctantly or slowly taking half hearted sips for a ride on that TLC gravy train.

Drinking game alert: Every time Jeremey or Aujpoj says "when we take over the farm" take a swig, you'll actually chuckle at all the forced kookiness, poorly memorized/ delivered one liners and Matt looking like something out of Fraggle Rock, instead of wanting to go Full Metal Jacket on the entire TLC " family."

Hey Amy, when are you going admit you wore a horribly fitted blond wig last season in
your interviews for continuity in the show because your makeover episode hadn't aired yet!?

Jeremy said it best himself when he couldn't stop calling his family the "weirdest famiy ever". No sh#$Sherlock! You're almost 30 years old and this is how you support yourself and your wife , making booby traps and fake acting like you're Bob the Builder, "operating forklifts" behaving in such a foolish and disingenious way in the most ridiculous fashion that even the Roloffs can't play down, except for Matt, of course, who should win an Oscar for his highly energetic performance. He was really committed to his role as the oversear of the, in his words" Operation Roloff Post Zombie Apocalypse Adventure blah blah"

Why did Jeremy and Aujpoj want to make the viewers think she wasn't coming, like who cares. Does the "surprise"of her showing up make this episode easier to watch or get us on the edge of our seat?! Hells no, EVERYBODY knew that Audrey was coming, why do you think sixteen year old Jeremy would relive his youth by setting up the booby trap. What would be the point if he knew no one was coming?

This episode is best encapsulated with Aujpoj requesting condoms as an essential item necessary to live through an apocalyptic event. Don't forget your floppy hat Audrey, ( which can be purchased at her Auj Shop, on her blog, btw) you're going to need it in your cozy preppers box with no water, toilet, sunshine or FOOD!

HillsboroLocal said...

Maybe the ghillie suit was Matt's attempt to relive his glory days as a FAMOUS Hollywood actor...YOU know, when he dressed up as an Ewok with a crutch and made it onscreen for AT LEAST 3 seconds. LOL...

Anonymous said...

I so appreciae this blog. I can't stomach this show anymore. I can't believe how much I do not like Audrey and Jeremy. These two are so self absorbed it makes me sick. Preaching about marriage when they don't have any real life experiences and challenges is ridic. I hope that when the cameras are finally shut off and they have to get real jobs they are able to play back all of their social media advice and take it themselves! Zach and Tori are very sweet but you can tell they are not all that excited/on board with the TLC characters/scripts they are required to portray. The whole Roloff family really needs to leave this show behind and live their real lives in peace.

Kathy said...

This had to be the worst episode ever. Matt seems to waste more money on ideas he comes up with on a whim and is totally not serious about or will stick with. I got the feeling he was making fun of prepping like he was trying to make viewers think he was losing it or something.

The show needs to go back to showing their every day life and not this totally made up garbage.

Jeremy and Audrey annoy me to no end. They show up only for the TLC paycheck.

Eye roller said...

Is it just me or does Jeremey look like he's aged about ten years in the last two years since he got married.He appears weathered or maybe it's the man bun that isn't doing him any favors.

Amy seems not very interested in this kooky show idea because she says she's really needing to focus on her date with Molly's soon to be motorcycle riding step daddy (love that line, Rap541).Putting all your pumpkins in that Chris basket, are we? Amy is ready to ride that motorcyle and no zombie acapolypse is going to stand in the way of that!

Stop It, Please said...

This episode was worse than a joke. Here we go with Peter Pan never grown up Jeremy playing fort with his daddy. The money must be good though because the whole family gets on camera for the paycheck for this stupid episode, while eye-rolling and mocking.

When doomsday comes, Amy is scorned for saying she would just leave, as Jeremy whines the roads would be jammed. Well, Peter Pan, even if you could hear the “emergency cow bell” signal in Bend, how would you get over those jammed roads to the tin blue box? For that matter how would Z&T hear the dumb cow bell?

The blue box is not buried, not secure, not off the electrical grid, has no heating, ventilating, cooling, and no sanitation systems – certainly no air filters against a bio attack. And they have trained the dogs to squat on that idiot bucket?

There is evidently no means to communicate or to hear what would be going on in the world (emergency radio tuned to government emergency frequency perhaps?)

No cooking, eating food with fingers (more disgusting than the usual Roloff mouth full scenes.)

Okay, all of these episodes are basically scripted fakes to amuse the TLC audience, but this one really jumped the shark.

Sara said...

"Don't forget your floppy hat Audrey, ( which can be purchased at her Auj Shop, on her blog"...of course it can!!! Why am I not surprised. She only showed up to hoor for the merch!

And the need to 'focus' on a date/ride with the new step daddy is ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Amy offers Molly pumpkin bread on camera, waddaya know, she sells it for 30 bucks on the Roloff website!

Audrey's plain ass sweatshirts that read Always More worn on camera, waddaya know, it's 40 bucks on her website. I mean, that literally requires absolutely no creativity, talent or physical work on her part whatsoever. I would never slap "keep it movin" on a sweatshirt and ask people to pay 40 bucks for it because that' s stupid and I wouldn't expect an intelligent and sensible person to spend money on cheap random crap and expect them to find it meaningful when I know it's worthless. Is this one of the ways she expects to save marriages, through a $ 40 dollar sweater with 10 letters on it, that's insulting to our intelligence, and greed at its finest, way to easy to make a buck...try a little harder on your next entrepernurial exploit, Aujpoj.

Jeremy seems to be trying his best to stay awake while the camera crew is around. I can see Matt now standing behind the camera guy screaming, " jazz hands guys, give me more jazz hands Jeremy and Zach!!!!" Do married people at this age spend this much time with their parents doing "projects?"

Jeremy is probably more impressed with his booby trap making abilities than Audrey's "surprise" or the actual interior construction of the box. Not a single Roloff did anything to make the box habitable such as building the bunks .

Zack just seems like he is running in circles trying to make looking like doing nothing look like something. I hate to say it but he needs to go to TLC drama school to look more natural when bringing up talking points established by TLC producers, it's like being fake or rehearsed doesn't come as naturally to him and Tori as it does for the others. If this show is their career, and I think after 12 years it's pretty safe to say that this is their bread and butter, then they need to improve their line delivery and more fully commit to the wacky shenanigans that TLC will be sure ensues on the next episode...

Rap541 said...

Come on, Kelly, Debbie, Denise, Shelby, Janet, Lisa, etc etc etc...

Audrey the Christian said the survival supplies she needed most was CONDOMS! CONDOMS!

I absolutely expect the Christian crowd to have an opinion on Audrey the Christian noting publically that her most important supply was *birth control*.

Audrey only fucks her husband Jer so she can't possibly be worried about disease. WHY WHY WHY is Audrey worried about birth control? COME ON CHRISTIANS! EXPLAIN THIS! Explain why a Christian married woman wants condoms.

Sara said...

No, see...Zach and Tori have real jobs. This isn't their bread and butter, hence the half-assed attempts at acting.

Auj only showed up to live model stuff she sells. Hey, maybe Auj and Jerr should market condoms with 'Always More' printed on them. We'll know if they read this blog's comments if these pop up in a future, wait...scratch that. Nobody needs to see those two make the (hairy) beast with two backs. Which they would do, to pimp their products.

Ecossais said...

Thanks Rap for another excellent review. I get the impression that your reviews are better than the show itself.

I am glad I elected to have a nice dinner with friends rather than stay at home and watch that fiasco.
The TLC blurb for that episode said "they build a survival shelter".
From the review it doesn't seem like the famous Roloffs actually BUILT anything.
A survival shelter should be buried in the ground to protect from blast and radiation.

Next week looks just as exciting. Amy on a motor cycle. Amy fighting with Matt over money once again. Zach doing home improvements.

Whatever happened to the original concept of the problems for LITTLE PEOPLE IN A BIG WORLD?

Rap541 said...

Gosh and golly, still not one Christian expressing how awesome it is that Audrey, in her Christian wisdom, decided that a *family show* is where she needed to publically raise her need for condoms when she's fucking her man Jer in the bunk bed above her inlaws in the post apocalyptic storage locker.

Hey who wants to bet Debbie and Denise and Angela and Janet and Kelly etc etc etc would all be loudly *bitching* if TORY said she wanted condoms to fuck her man?

Come on Christians - are you all PROUD of Audrey? I fear your silence means you aren't happy with Audrey's need for birth control and yet, while you can't shut up abput the horrors of eye rolling and disrespect, apparently Audrey publically commenting how she needs her sex for pleasure and isn't wanting to risk any babies from that pleasure is a perfectly evangelical Christian thing.

Tell me, Christians, should members of the evangelical Christian faith follow Audrey's public example and prevent the pregnancy of unwanted children by not being abstinent but by using birth control? And why doesn't Audrey want some arrows in her quiver? She's been married for 2 and a half years now... why isn't this evangelical Christian wife welcoming babies?

There's no financial concern - per you all - Auj's blog was instantly successful and money is pouring in. The only thing these two married Christian shining examples should be worried about is how quickly can they get pregnant. Yet they're openly using birth control.

*Btw having actually read A Severe Mercy, I wonder if along with pretentiously naming their homes and ripping off their "Navigtor's Council" silliness from it, if Jer and Auj agree with their favorite author's stated view that it was better to not have children as once a woman has a child, she focuses her love and attention on the child and away from her husband.

Rap541 said...

Christians, isn't Audrey talking about CONDOMS on a family show disrespectful to the audience? Come now Christians, do you like explaining to your young children what condoms are and why a married Christian woman would want her husband to not get her with child?

Do you appreciate and *respect* Audrey for discussing her need to prevent pregnancy that doesn't involve her keeping her knees together?

I mean, if Jer and Aud don't want a baby, there's one sure fire way to prevent it, and it's called abstinence... but these two love carnal intimacy so much! I know something Auj won't be giving up for Lent! ;)

More seriously, I am just utterly convinced that if the "condoms" remark had come from SHit Roloff Tory or Shit Roloff Zach or especially Shit Roloff Jacob and Not a Roloff But Still Shitty Isobel... SO MANY CHristians would be screaming here about WHORES RUTTING SHAMELESSLY AND SPEAKING OF SICK CARNAL NEEDS ON A FAMILY SHOW!

Christians - Is Jeremy wrapping his dick for fucking family entertainment for you? Because Auj - despite her need for privacy and despite how she is so adamant about how certain things aren't appropriate for public discussion - has made it plain publically she prefers Jeremy's dick to be wrapped for her pleasure. And you Christians are endorsing it with your silence ;)

Ecossais said...

There used to be a lot of talk on the Spirits blogs about how Christian TLC and LPBW were. "Good Christian programming!!!" they screeched.
The bible thumpers on here do not seem to have much to say about the painted tart's obsession with sex but without babies.
I thought the main complaint about gay marriage is that these people will not produce more Christians which is the main religious purpose of marriage is it not?

Rap541 said...

Eccosais - while I would not call her a painted tart, I do find it hilarious and completely telling that none of the Bible sorts have a *word* to say on how Audrey felt it was appropriate to discuss her need for condoms on a show they cite at "Christian and family" oriented.


Sara said...

. I'd call her a painted tart. No self respecting Christian woman wears hoorish red lip stick and above the navel 'Always More' (sex) shirts.




Nothing better than good Christian sex in a backwoods industrial container with your immediate relatives within arms reach...and the dogs, too! :)

Anonymous said...

Auj- Ohh My Gosh...raincoats really? And on a "family show"!